"That sucking sound you hear is not Dracula draining the blood of his latest victim. It's ``Van Helsing'' opening in a theater near you and Hoover-ing the brains out of your skull. Hollywood's first salvo in this season's summer movie madness, ``Van Helsing'' is a hyperactive assault on the senses that makes no sense of its own - an ear-splitting, head-banging, far-too-violent-for-its-rating exercise in wretched excess. Not comedy or drama, it's a travesty. In response to the immortal line, ``It's alive,'' all I can say is, No, it's not."So we look towards Rotten Tomatoes and Oh No. Sample: ""Bring your earplugs because this ungodly mess is as painfully loud as it is mind-numbingly stupid.""
TV Oh dear. Considering the reports which have been appearing from the set of Van Helsing for months, you'd think that we had something with the genre-shattering potential of the first Matrix film. Now far be it from me to suggest that one negative review means that it's a dog, but how good can it be that James Verniere of The Boston Herald would open his review with the following:
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