TV At least in television terms, and disregarding Dimensions in Time, the Sixth Doctor’s final words on television are:
”Carrot Juice, carrot juice, carrot juice.”
As originally written this must have seemed like a fun gag. In the Terror of the Vervoids section of the Trial, the hitherto unseen Mel is attempting to drag the Doctor into a much healthier lifestyle. So exercise bikes and yes, carrot juice.
The problem is, because Colin was fired before the next season and didn't understandably turn up for the regeneration (it's Sylvester in a wig), these final lines have now become part of the show's history, turning up in pub quizzes and trivia boxes in newspapers ever since.
Notably, Cavan Scott & Mark Wright's Whoology an officially licensed publication which notices that in theory we don't actually know what his last words before regeneration were (though Gary Russell's Spiral Scratch gives it a go).
Not quite "You were fantastic..." we all snigger as we then realise the Seventh Doctor's final lines aren't the big speech at the end of Survival but whatever he says on the operating table in the TV Movie.
For years I’ve listened to the carrot juice line and for years I’ve wondered what carrot juice actually tasted like, and so for the purposes of experiencing everything the Doctor Who franchise has to offer, I shall be tasting carrot juice.
Carrot juice, in its purest unadulterated form is surprisingly difficult to find. It’s certainly not in most supermarkets were it's usually mixed with orange or included as part of some root vegetable concoction.
A call out to the Twitter hive mind yielded some public bar related suggestions but since I want to be carrying out this experiment in front of a keyboard, and to be fair in private, I had to try some lateral thinking and eventually realised Holland and Barrett was a solution. Which it was.
This bottle was therefore purchased last Friday at the Holland and Barrett shop in Whitechapel, Liverpool at a cost of £3.60.
Reader, I spluttered and asked if they had a smaller bottle. They did not.
I expect the reason it's this expensive is because of the number of carrots involved in the manufacture and the cost of said vegitables. Here’s a highly instructive video about how to make carrot juice:
A year later, the process seems to have become rather simpler:
I imagine the man in the first video watching the second video and rethinking his priorities. But to be fair, I am the one who's testing and tasting carrot juice because it was mentioned in an 80s example of genre sci-fi television.
The glass of juice is poured now and I’m about to taste it. Wish me luck.
First reaction. It’s carrot in liquid form. It’s strong, very strong. Sour.
Second reaction after another sip. I can see why it’s generally mixed with other things, because it has, for want of a better description, a kind of caffeine kick and not in a particularly pleasant way. It’s without doubt one of the worst liquids I’ve had in my mouth. Ick.
That was money well spent then. I can see why the Sixth Doctor had this reaction:
Colin didn't need to do much acting here. Hopefully there weren't too many retakes. Poor Colin.