The idea of joining a gym was only something that I had become comfortable with a couple of years ago, which is impressive because my ma has been nagging at me for ten years to join the gym and had me convinced that I was an abomination with my feckless attitude towards exercise. The weird thing was that I'd always wanted to join the gym, seriously I did! - but I just didn't know what I'd do when I got there and always found something else to distract me like work, go out with a silly boy, or slob out in front of the telly.
I have visited a gym for a tour almost every year for the past ten years but I didn't actually join until April of this year. It was down to the fact that after spending almost 28 years being tiny, a year of taking steroid medication had added a stone and a half to my weight. Now to be fair, I only went up to 8.5 stone and I got a great bum out of it although I could have done without making my wayward boobs into comedy tits as a result. The thing I hated most was having a steroid tummy - no more flat tummy!.
I 'invested' in some gym gear so that I'd be incentivised to keep going and I rocked up one Sunday for my induction with Arnold Schwarznegger (his twin). Twenty minutes later, I was jogging on the treadmill and trying not to look down for fear that I'd fall on my face. Oh have I mentioned that I sneaked onto a treadmill during a PE class and it got turned up too fast and I fell on it face first and was sent to the other side of the room? I had a face like a very bad mugging victim and after the anger and sympathy had subsided, my nutcase family couldn't help but laugh as I looked ri-di-cu-lous!
I surprised myself and took to the gym like a duck to water and surprisingly, the treadmill was my favourite. I went three/four times a week for a couple of months but it did start to pitter out. It wasn't because I work with a load of social animals but because after finishing the steroids I became ill after a month or so and I was in so much pain I couldn't run the risk of doing something that could aggravate things. I was surprised at how upset I was at this discovery and I do miss the gym, but cancelled the membership a few months ago. I still don't feel confident about going back to the gym and it's very possible that I may not be allowed to go for a good while, but I'm glad I finally did it because I know that I actually like the gym, like exercise and like losing myself for an hour as I pound out the mental stresses of my life. I do gentle exercise at home, which aside from lifting the remote includes sit ups and er, shopping?
NML writes Tired of Men
For an introduction and list of contributors to Review 2005, follow this link.
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