Lissless

Life So for the second time this year I was sitting in a room filled with fellow hoodlums (bloggers). The difference this time was that I actually knew it was happening. I've only ever met three other bloggers in the five years I've been doing this and I'm always slightly intimidate/nervous/wigged-out by the process, because in a nice way they're never what I expect but I always have the feeling that it's also true for them but not in a good way.

It's a self-esteem thing to be sure which is odd because that's not something I've had problems with for years. Inevitably at the back of my mind, if they've read my blog, I'm thinking that they're thinking -- 'You -- that is you -- actually write that?' as though what I do on here has no correlation with who I am out there. Which isn't true at all (I hope otherwise I'm in serious trouble). Thankfully, Kate was lovely even if she wasn't catching me at my best. I was really, really tired because I've been waking up at half-seven every morning however late I've been up the night before. My body is still in the university routine I think.

The other problem I have at these events (he says as though he's been to several) is that because I'm basically the only person I know who has any depth of knowledge about blogging and the web there's a whole vocabulary that I only ever use in text or read from a screen -- so here I am saying brand names like 'YouTube' and even 'Blogger' outloud for the first time in ages or ever and they sounded incongruous coming from my lips in the same way that words like 'cat', 'dog' and 'ball' did when I was using them in nursery school. I think I got away with it. Even having to say my name and the name of this blog sounded wierd -- apparently I say 'feeling lissless' with that important letter 't' no doubt being tucked under my vocal chords having a nap. There was also a vague mental rictus when I was trying to remember the word 'delegate'. How could that be?