Scene Unseen: The Thomas Crown Affair: Take the Monet and Run
"Anyway we did an elaborate thing of folding the painting into the brief case and people were so offended by it that I sorta hadda cut it out and make it much briefer." -- John McTiernan, director.
I first saw the modern remake of The Thomas Crown Affair when I was working at an art gallery and the dislocation between what appears on the screen and the actuality of the administration and staffing of a museum were fairly stunning. For the first time I knew how a doctor felt when watching e.r. or a cop watching a police procedural -- trying to enjoy the piece of entertainment for what it is while at the same time know were all the inaccuracy and whitewash appears.
Thomas Crown (Pierce Brosnan) concocts an elaborate scheme featuring a bunch of non-descript East Europeans who are trying to steal a bunch of paintings from one end of the gallery while he 'borrows' a Monet from the other. So far, so intriguing. Funnily enough I can live with most of what happens -- I worked in a provincial gallery not the major metropolitan Manhattan artifice which features in the film. But this moment pops me out every time and only the appearance of Rene Russo in those boots flicking her car keys in that way can drag me back in again.
The problem comes when he steals the painting. He rips it from the wall, knocks it out of the frame, opens up a briefcase he had stashed under a nearby bench, lays the Monet into a case which he then closes, literally folding the painting in half. He carries it home, where in a later scene it appears entirely unharmed, hanging on the wall. Can someone explain to me how he managed to do this without destroying the painting!?! If you fold canvas in half it creases. Add in the oil paint and it'll fray as well; then there's the wooden back frame which would have been too rigid the fold anyway. So what ever happens you've got a conservator's nightmare at best and an international treasure destroyed at the other.
On the dvd commentary John McTiernan elaborates that they did have a whole plan set out for how they would justify the folding of the painting. He doesn't go into much detail, but it has something to do with the breaking of the back frame to give the painting greater flexibility presumably so that it would bend into the case rather than fold. So this is in fact a great example of the decision a director has to take between going with pacing in the editing suite rather than reality. And what really interests me that he says that people were offended by the process of the getting the painting into the case 'safely' because it took too long. Which sounds like some kind of madness. Or am I an art lover who takes things too seriously?
Life Goodness where did all these 'things to do' come from? Back soon.
Update: Couldn't stay away. Actually, tonight I went into town with Fani and after a coffee and carrot cake went to the John Moores University for a drink. I haven't been to a student union bar for a few years and apart from the stark realisation that I was old enough to be the lecturer of the clientelle, I was suprised at how little things have changed. I don't know what I was expecting, but it could have been ten years ago. All I could think was -- 'If I'd known then what I know now...' Any differences were fairly subtle -- people seemed more tactile than I remember, there were more mobile phones out on tables and when people began to sing along with Oasis' Wonderwall on the jukebox it was in an slightly ironic way, unlike during my time when it was the anthem of a generation.
Update: Couldn't stay away. Actually, tonight I went into town with Fani and after a coffee and carrot cake went to the John Moores University for a drink. I haven't been to a student union bar for a few years and apart from the stark realisation that I was old enough to be the lecturer of the clientelle, I was suprised at how little things have changed. I don't know what I was expecting, but it could have been ten years ago. All I could think was -- 'If I'd known then what I know now...' Any differences were fairly subtle -- people seemed more tactile than I remember, there were more mobile phones out on tables and when people began to sing along with Oasis' Wonderwall on the jukebox it was in an slightly ironic way, unlike during my time when it was the anthem of a generation.
TV That said, the new TV Cream-Up is out with a Britpop special. Also with free April Fools round up:
"How relieved Radio 1 listeners must have been on April 1st 1991 when Mark Goodier presented Simon Bates' programme, announcing that Bates had left the station to become European Minister For Pop, with quotes from Ted Heath to back it up. Sadly, it turned out to be a lie and he was back the next day to be smug about it. The wheeze was actually created by Nicky Campbell (who got Heath to offer comments after he'd been on his show a few weeks before) and, in an e-mail to TV Cream, said he got a bottle of champagne from Johnny Beerling for his trouble. Another notable radio April Fool came in 1995, when the day landed on a Saturday, and Chris Tarrant did his normal breakfast show on Capital pretending it was Friday, and hundreds of commuters believed him and started going to work."Aaah -- the good old days ...
Life When a date like 20042004 arrives it feels like it should be a landmark -- more unique than others, even though obviously no two dates are exactly the same. I want to be able to tell you that lots of exciting things happened today, but it was just another example of the routine I've drifted into, of work and sleep. Fielding suggestions...
Sport Some alternative views of yesterday's London Marathon:
"Lorraine Kelly, that doyanne of daytime telly passed us at mile 21. She was small and looked very red in the face but she was smiling and she was running whereas we were walking. I looked back and caught sight of her as she came through. "Oh Lorraine Kelly," i said to her. "Well done. Keep on going!" She just stared ahead and nodded a bit and laughed in that way you do when you've just run 21 miles of a marathon. After she passed I wondered why I had proffered such ecstatic encouragement to someone who was, let's face it, just doing the same thing as me but there was something about her tiny frame and the fact that she is off of the telly that lifted the cheers out of my body like a big cow being rescued from a ditch in Accident programme 999. Anyway, the point is this. We beat her. Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Lorriane Kelly. You are rubbish." -- Emma Kennedy
"The weather was terrible. I think it rained most of the time, but I honestly can't remember. It must have been much worse if you were a spectator. The crowds were amazing - they say over half a million people were on the streets - and they lined pretty much all of the route. The crowds at Tower Bridge, Canary Wharf and Embankment were fantastic and they certainly helped to push us on. Riette, Jo and Dad were waiting at Tower Bridge and it really helped knowing they would be there. It was a marathon for them too - having to wait around in the pouring rain for six hours! We also saw other friends around the course, so thank you all for coming out to support us. " -- Chiles Eats Miles
"It was around this point that I had to finally accept that I probably wasn't going to win the race after all, though I did find myself hoping that some kind of virus would attack all the other runners, but I would be immune. Though I concluded that if I was going to win I wanted to do it honestly, so I kept the vial of ebola (and the antidote) secure in my pocket throughout. Suddenly as I reached the twenty mile mark I had a surge of energy. It proved just how psychological a journey the Marathon is. Knowing that I wasn't all that far from Tower Bridge gave me such a lift, and my I realised that it had been my mind, rather than my body that had been putting up the resistance in that Hellish middle section." -- Richard Herring
And I sat at home and watched it on the couch cheering all on (even thought they couldn't hear me) ...
"Lorraine Kelly, that doyanne of daytime telly passed us at mile 21. She was small and looked very red in the face but she was smiling and she was running whereas we were walking. I looked back and caught sight of her as she came through. "Oh Lorraine Kelly," i said to her. "Well done. Keep on going!" She just stared ahead and nodded a bit and laughed in that way you do when you've just run 21 miles of a marathon. After she passed I wondered why I had proffered such ecstatic encouragement to someone who was, let's face it, just doing the same thing as me but there was something about her tiny frame and the fact that she is off of the telly that lifted the cheers out of my body like a big cow being rescued from a ditch in Accident programme 999. Anyway, the point is this. We beat her. Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Lorriane Kelly. You are rubbish." -- Emma Kennedy
"The weather was terrible. I think it rained most of the time, but I honestly can't remember. It must have been much worse if you were a spectator. The crowds were amazing - they say over half a million people were on the streets - and they lined pretty much all of the route. The crowds at Tower Bridge, Canary Wharf and Embankment were fantastic and they certainly helped to push us on. Riette, Jo and Dad were waiting at Tower Bridge and it really helped knowing they would be there. It was a marathon for them too - having to wait around in the pouring rain for six hours! We also saw other friends around the course, so thank you all for coming out to support us. " -- Chiles Eats Miles
"It was around this point that I had to finally accept that I probably wasn't going to win the race after all, though I did find myself hoping that some kind of virus would attack all the other runners, but I would be immune. Though I concluded that if I was going to win I wanted to do it honestly, so I kept the vial of ebola (and the antidote) secure in my pocket throughout. Suddenly as I reached the twenty mile mark I had a surge of energy. It proved just how psychological a journey the Marathon is. Knowing that I wasn't all that far from Tower Bridge gave me such a lift, and my I realised that it had been my mind, rather than my body that had been putting up the resistance in that Hellish middle section." -- Richard Herring
And I sat at home and watched it on the couch cheering all on (even thought they couldn't hear me) ...
Life And so the circus rolls out of town. The tent was down an hour or so after the final show and by now the trucks are disappearing up the road, the only parts visible the lights. There was some exciting interactive entertainment. The fencing which surrounded the parimeter of the compound disappeared this morning. As the final preparation were happening for the folding of the tent, four teenagers, about fifteen years old started hanging about at the top corner -- we could see them from the flat. Every now and then they stalked the site, approaching a caravan then running away. It was fairly obvious with the pointing they were looking for an open window or door. So I went online and found the telephone number and we rang the circus box office. They took the details and thanked us -- and we stood frustrated as the boys continued to chance their arm.
Then from the back of the tent, what looked like the strong man (remember this guy has a truck driven over him twice a day) appears in a hard hat and starts striding towards them. He's followed by another worker in a boiler suit (insert YMCA joke here). The boys are startled and start to run away but stop as the men start to walk back to the site -- and onto one of the crew buses which they then proceed to drive in the direction of the teenagers who scarper pretty quickly. The bus continued past the trees on the other side of the field so I don't know what happened from there but I suspect the boys were halfway to Manchester...
Then from the back of the tent, what looked like the strong man (remember this guy has a truck driven over him twice a day) appears in a hard hat and starts striding towards them. He's followed by another worker in a boiler suit (insert YMCA joke here). The boys are startled and start to run away but stop as the men start to walk back to the site -- and onto one of the crew buses which they then proceed to drive in the direction of the teenagers who scarper pretty quickly. The bus continued past the trees on the other side of the field so I don't know what happened from there but I suspect the boys were halfway to Manchester...
Words I was always suspicious of the validity of using 'blogging' as a description of what I do. It's like 'hoovering', a branding name turned into a verb. And like that word, if I'm using a Dyson, I still say I'm hoovering things up -- so if I get huffy and move over to Movable Type or god forbid LiveJournal I'll still be blogging. Disturbingly, I discovered when editing a post the other day, Blogger itself doesn't recognise 'blog' or 'blogging' as valid words in a spell check even though they rely on that software for their very existence:
'Blogger' isn't recognised either -- it ironically suggests 'blocking' as an alternative. Yes it should prove that the spell checker has an accuracy to it. But Microsoft is recognised and that's not a real word. So who is right? On a corporate level that seems disasterous. But perhaps Evan and the guys should console themselves with the fact that they've led to a word at least colloquially entering the public realm even if they themselves don't consider it worthy of their own dictionary*. I mean when was the last time we said we were exceling in something and mean a spreadsheet?
* But is the dictionary could be a bought in construct -- in which case is it time to go in house?
'Blogger' isn't recognised either -- it ironically suggests 'blocking' as an alternative. Yes it should prove that the spell checker has an accuracy to it. But Microsoft is recognised and that's not a real word. So who is right? On a corporate level that seems disasterous. But perhaps Evan and the guys should console themselves with the fact that they've led to a word at least colloquially entering the public realm even if they themselves don't consider it worthy of their own dictionary*. I mean when was the last time we said we were exceling in something and mean a spreadsheet?
* But is the dictionary could be a bought in construct -- in which case is it time to go in house?
Film If only The Guardian's website offered this feature of an immediate right to reply. At FilmJerk someone takes exception to the reviewer's summation of Christina Ricci's acting talents...
"That lame ass filmjerk.com critic can bust Prozac Nation, but don't rip into this actresses talented career. My thoughts are that this critic is extrememly novice and can't wait for his moment to make judgemental comments like the ones he has in his review.A cinema release for Prozac Nation (the film under review) looks increasingly unlikely if this is anything to go by.
Scene Unseen:
Bounce: Dodgers and Grilled Cheese
Film Not a deleted scene this time, but it might as well have been considering how few people have actually seen the highly underrated Don Roos film Bounce. It tells the story of an ad executive (Ben Affleck) who swaps plane tickets with a writer rushing home for the festive season who subsequently dies in a crash. The exec has a crisis of conscience and decides to go off and find the widow (Gwyneth Paltrow) and family of the man he believes died so he can live, just to see if they're OK. She's lovely and there is chemistry ... which leads us to this scene in which they go out on their first date, a baseball game and meal.
It's a perfect example of what stops this film becoming the tv movie it might have been destined to be. Rather than following the usual plan, we get to see the bits of a typical date which don't usually appear in movies. So there's Paltrow waiting in the stands for Affleck, obviously worried that he isn't going to show up (how many of us have experienced that), the moment when the man leaves the toilet to find the woman still waiting at the back of the line and this moment pictured when Ben and the audience really falls for Gwyneth. They're about to order, but her character Abby excuses herself and the camera follows as we realize she's spotted someone in a prom dress who's just come out of the bathroom and hasn't noticed a strip of toilet paper stuck to her shoe. Rather than embarrassing the girl by telling her, Abby simply put her foot on the paper until its stuck to her shoe then furiously shakes it off. The girl is unaware of the good deed and when Abby sits down there is no reference to it other than the pictured smile as though nothing has happened.
This is one of those idiosyncrasies of character which sometimes gets lost in romantic dramas and comedies under the weight of whatever high concept is in play. Like all the items that Harry lists about Sally at the end of the film in which they met, people don't fall in love because of the way they look - it's about who they are and how they make each other feel. This tiny selfless act to a stranger shows Affleck's character Buddy that if he's going to change himself and his world she's the one to help him, consciously and unconsciously. Films are always good at showing love at first sight. But in the real world, sometimes its gradual and in these few moments of Bounce we see those first inklings of someone falling hard.
H2G2 John Malkovich and Anna Chancellor to appear as new characters in the Hitchhiker's movie. It looks increasingly like the film with be yet another version of the story from Douglas.
TV Anyone else watch Friends in the UK tonight point at the screen and shout "It's Annalise from Neighbours kissing Ross!" Thought not...
Meme Suw's been looking back over the past year and everything which has been happening to her and part of her attempt to come to terms with everything includes looking at what we all, the people who's blogs she reads were doing this day last year. I was amazed to find it was 365(ish) days ago that I decided it would be a really good idea to eat the five recommended pieces of fruit all together. Haven't done that since. Partly because my own imagination is all tapped out, also because if I write any more about the circus (the music for which I actually found myself humming out loud involuntarily on the bus today) I'll go crazy and because frankly its a great idea, here are the things that the my favourite bloggers were doing this time last year ...
- Robyn was experiencing the dangers of pubic transport (ie, fellow passengers) and suffering from the Lurgy.I need to read more personal sites I think.
- Caro was succinct in how she was feeling.
- The most popular discussions at Fark were about reaching the half millionth link and a fashion tip from Naomi Campbell that they should disregard the idea of underwear, which somehow manages to encapsulate what I love about that site.
- Jason didn't post. Neither did Rebecca.
- Vegard looked to experiencing media overload and blogging paralysis. Happens to us all.
- Onlineblog were excited about IBM's new profit figures. I still fantasize about these guys having a separate group blog which specifically talks about everything but computers and so we can see what that looks like.
- Neil was excited about pitting and teletubbies.
- The Metafilter people discussed their favourite films (again) and a new form of halluciniogenic drug.
- Vicky was nervous about Scottish Nationalism.
- Emily didn't post.
- John was on Safari. I'm still happy using IE6. Am I wrong?
- Plep linked to many, many different things.
- MilkPlus didn't think the film Anger Management was up to much.
- The Iraqi Information Minister [via Darren]
- Happy Birthday Suw!
Blog! That's a shame. I was hoping Pippa and Owen were going to make a go of it. But now I'm wondering. Do they read each other's posts?
Film This will please Mark Kermode. Paul Schrader's rejected version of the prequel to The Exorcist is being released on DVD. Kinda makes you wonder why they bothered to remake it in the first place. Change of heart?
Life At college, I visited lecture upon lecture about how the book would continue in spite of the Internet. Years later how right they were. Smell a book. Smell your monitor. Which one would you rather try putting in your pocket? With a advent of PDA’s and Padds, WAP and what ever noodling Apple might be doing the idea of text as media is set to develop. Hard copy fans will complain that it isn’t the same. There is more quality to a book. That they read better. But when the convenience of being able to read whatever you like, whenever you like, wherever you like becomes a reality they really will love the fact they don’t have to carry ten books away on holiday with them . . .
Art Meme Alert!
1. Grab the nearest book.I am both proud and embarrassed to say that the nearest book on hand was The National Gallery Companion Gallery. I'd taken it out last night to look up a favorite passage. And the fifth sentence on the 23rd page is:
2. Open the book to page 23.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the sentence in your journal along with these instructions.
"By graduating the blue of the background, more intense towards the top and lighter at the bottom, Bellini evokes the sky, in contrast with Baldovinetti in the 'Portrait of the Lady in Yellow'."I always try and keep fine art close by. The above is part of a description of Giovanni Bellini's The Doge Leonardo Loredan.
TV I know this will interest at least one of my readers (how's that for micro-marketing?). Ross Rojek arrested! Who?
"Customers that ordered the My So-Called Life DVD set from AnotherUniverse.com have reason to celebrate; Ross Rojek has been arrested. Rojek was accused of mishandling consumer refunds, orders and promised bonus material when he became the exclusive online retailer for the DVD set. Fans became aggitated at the long waits to be refunded money they were owed and they eventually reported Rojek to the authorities."Plus he wasn't so exclusive -- I bought the set from Amazon at a much cheaper price than the people who sank a deposit into this deal. He hasn't been taken in for this though -- its for the rather more interesting charge of mail and wire fraud in connection with a 'face recognition system' ....
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