Showing posts with label debbie gibson. Show all posts
Showing posts with label debbie gibson. Show all posts

My Favourite Film of 1979.



Film Glancing backwards through this list as we creep ever closer to the moment when I'll be choosing films released before the year of my birth, one pattern which is emerging is how often a film hasn't just been something I've enjoyed on a visceral or emotional level but also as a kind of gateway to something else, be it the art of Surat in the case of Ferris Bueller, the cosmology of Sunshine and Shakespeare's appearance in Star Trek VI (probably) (if I'm being honest).  There's a sense that I'm especially drawn to films which don't just exist as pure entertainment but also have the weight of being a kind of cultural event in which the narrative and character are extrapolated through and drawn around cultural artifacts leading to a much deeper experience.

Manhattan's a case in point.  When I saw the film on Channel 4, years after its original release I was overwhelmed, not just by Gordon Willis's mythologising photography of the city or the psychologically complex characterisation, but also the cultural references, most of which I didn't understand at the time but wanted to.  This is probably the first time I heard Gershwin, of Flaubert, of Cezanne, of Fellini and Zelda Fitzgerald.  There are also the locations: the Guggenheim, the American Museum of Natural History, Bloomingdale's, MOMA, the Whitney.  When watching Manhattan, you're not just watching a film, you're listening to a concert, you're visiting an art exhibition, reading literature and you're being given an architectural tour and the director makes sure that you notice.  He wants you to notice.



Recently, there seems to be less of these films as "cultural events" because film culture in particular is increasingly scared to alienating its audience by presenting it with culture (and even a culture) it might not necessarily be aware of in an otherwise familiar context.  How often now do we see adaptations, even of contemporary novels, and the first element to be excised or neutered are the cultural references?  Or in order to make the life of an artist or poet acceptable to a wider audience, the work they create is backgrounded in favour of a love story or some other historical moment.  Pollock's a rare example of a film in which you actually learn something about his method and inspiration on top of his psychological underpinning and biography (indeed it's the very film which finally led me to understanding why his earlier work, at least, is great).

Which is why the rare occasions when films do embrace such things can be a joy.  The underrated Liberal Arts has a sequence in which its protagonist is introduced to a ton of classical music in a montage sequence through which we watch him experience a cultural awakening and I expect most of us are right along with him and straight to Spotify to listen to these pieces in full.  Which isn't to say that sometimes filmmakers don't get such things horrendously wrong.  Welcome as it is to see Jane Austen feature in The Rewrite, she's generally ridiculed and there's no way on earth a scholar of the calibre Allison Janney's apparently playing wouldn't be aware of Clueless or not seen any of the adaptations.  I have a theory that the professors Janney plays in each of these films are somehow related and argue the toss over such matters at Thanksgiving.

I've often talked about a kind of cultural awakening which happened in the early 90s and Manhattan and plenty of Woody Allen's other films and films in general will have been a contributing factor (and since it's important to credit the gateway, it was probably Ed Chigliak in Northern Exposure and his various dream sequences) (Northern Exposure was also a huge factor but this list doesn't feature television) (ahem).  Which isn't to say that they're designed that way.  When Alvy pulls out Marshall Mcluhan in Annie Hall, it's in front of an audience he expects to know who Marshall Mcluhan is (even if it's not necessarily necessary in order to understand the joke).  It's worth noting I've yet to see The Sorrow and the Pity and it's The Last Action Hero which led to me watch The Seventh Seal.

Nevertheless this seems to me to be one of the embraceable cliches.  From the moment we're born, we're constantly absorbing the culture around us, accepting some, rejecting others, leading to a set of behaviours or something to live up to.  Much of the time it's a manufactured fantasy but the trick, if we're to remain sane, is to counter intuitively follow Cypher's request in The Matrix to be re-inserted otherwise we'll spend our lives like Neo, nostalgically glancing out of car windows at restaurants we used to eat, with really good noodles, that we now know don't exist.  When I saw Manhattan, I didn't see any justifiable reason why, even if I could never live in this 1979 city, I couldn't at least enjoy some of its benefits.  Hello Rhapsody in Blue.  Hello Fellini.  Hello as many other films set in New York as I could find which included Jon Jost's All The Vermeers in New York.  Hello Vermeer.

Which isn't to say I actively wanted to live my life like the characters in the film.  They seems so old and stressed out and I didn't really fancy Muriel Hemingway (because it would have felt like I was cheating on Debbie Gibson and the girl I fancied on the 80 bus) (teenage boys are curious beings).  But it was the idea of having that sort of cultural awareness which was attractive, of being the sort of person who would sit in the evening listening to records or reading the latest novels rather than playing Wizball on the C64 and watching the Justice episode of Star Trek: TNG for the umpteenth time (like I said, teenage boys...).  I still aspire to all that and manage it sometimes, through in present circumstance I have noticeably been watching more films which is always a fallback position but which it should be added I don't feel embarrassed about because why should I?

But when critics and audiences increasingly describe films as empty experiences, it's impossible not to attribute some of that to the loss of culture and of presenting characters connected to aspirationally higher art.  Film companies necessarily want to present audiences with characters they think they'll identify with which means they're more like to go to a rock concert than an opera house and if they do visit an opera house, it'll be part of a "fish out of water" routine or an action sequence rather than their natural repose.  Say what you like about Amazon's television selection, but between Mozart in the Jungle and hiring Whit Stillman and Woody himself to produce series it's unembarrassed by its high art tendencies.  If only this was still true of the big screen.  Still, we'll always have Manhattan.

The teenage version of me just screamed.

Music Old friend Matthew Rudd is now a DJ on Absolute 80s and presents Forgotten 80s and whenever he plays a Debbie Gibson tune he tend to let me know as he did this afternoon:


To which I replied:


To which Debbie Gibson herself replied:


Oh who am I kidding. I screamed, the version of me now. I expect I know what I'll be listening to for the next week.



Sigh.

Last Christmas.



TV Happy Boxing Day. Christmas Day passed off, as it so often does, like some fever dream, a more acutely lucid experience this year thanks to Sefton Park being hit with all the weathers the meteorological elves in the sky could throw at us, having a discussion over dinner about when Jesus was actually born and realising that calendars stop making sense if there wasn’t a year zero (or some such), Simon McCoy’s bearfriend and the Queen referencing Game of Thrones in her speech to the nation (if she’d done this whilst sat in the iron throne, Buzzfeed’s servers would have been down for the rest of the day). In the evening we watched Tinker, Taylor, Soldier, Spy with its portentous party flashbacks is surprisingly Christmassy.

Fittingly in the middle of all that there was Doctor Who’s Last Christmas, which is what it is, just as these Christmas specials usually are. Let’s get the main business out of the way first. It’s fine. It’s not the best of all the specials which is still The Feast of Steven (because of Peter Purves’s accent), not the best of these modern specials, which is still The Christmas Invasion and not the best of Moffat’s which is probably A Christmas Carol and not the worst (The Next Doctor hasn’t aged well, has it?). It’s also certainly one of the better television episodes of the year though given how low the bar has drifted on that, this might not seem like much of a complement. But it is.

As Charlie Jane Anders notices in her excellent review, effectively what Moffat’s doing here is taking the accusation that all he ever seems to do is recycle old story types by recycling old story types  In general terms, Alien, The Thing and Inception (of all things) are here as are Amy’s Choice, The God Complex and Journey To The Centre if the TARDIS with the writer making sure that we know that he knows that he knows and that we know by actually referencing the films within the episode and Shona’s list at the end. In the classic series, it’d be the equivalent of the Doctor actually noting the Android of Tara’s literary antecedent or indeed the whole of The Mind Robber.

Cue a YouTube fan montage to the tune of Jane Wiedlin’s Inside A Dream, the chorus for which is “And lose myself inside a dream / Opening up a secret door / I lose myself inside a dream / And find a world worth living for” which isn’t just the plot of this episode but pretty much a mission statement for every companion in the programme and probably us fans. Incidentally, this was the best of Wiedlin’s solo work, even better than Rush Hour which arguably didn’t really actualise until Joy Rider’s McBusted sounding pre-McBusted teen rock run out. Wiedlin’s album Fur was one of the cornerstones of my teen vinyl collection, purchased alongside all the Debbie Gibson picture discs from Penny Lane Records when it was in Mathew Street.

But this really is the work of someone who’s entirely aware of the criticisms made against him. Oh how he must have giggled as he also misses out the time loop or paradox, even though it’s appeared in all his previous specials in some form or other. With the entire episode apart from the coda happening inside a dream, there isn’t room for one even if you assume that all of the different participants have been drawn together from different time zones. Perhaps Listen’s gotten it out of his system. Let’s hope so, unless it’s used in a particularly interesting new way. My one hope now that we know Clara’s back for another year (yippee!) is that it’s about a straightforward search for Gallifrey or some such.

All of which means that in this case it’s the Twelfth Doctor’s lack of human understanding and alieness, the two things which were brought to the fore in the previous series, which hinder rather than help him. If he’d seen all of these things, or at least remembered seeing them because I’ve always assumed the amnesiac Eighth Doctor in the century he spent waiting for Fitz in the Earth arc was a big movie buff, he would have twigged what was going on much earlier, as I think Moffat expected his audience to. It’s the sort of proverbial bomb under the table as winking narrative device which the writer’s been very good at across the years.

Capaldi’s clearly having a ball playing these shades and between the writing and his performance, a few things have clearly been tweaked in terms of allowing the audience to like him some more and to allow him to be enjoy being the Doctor, both the actor and his incarnation. When he utilises emotional cruelty it’s as a weapon rather than as something he just apparently does and importantly is remorseful about it afterwards not least when he discovers that what he thought to be the truth was a lie. Though to be fair I’d forgotten he didn’t know Danny Pink was dead which added a whole other complexion to my first viewing of the facehugger avoiding scene. I even thought the Doctor might have been visiting Clara in the wrong order.

As the sleigh ride scene shows (the teeth, oh the teeth), there probably is something admirable in having a generally stoic Doctor who will eventually crack and let his hair down when given the right encouragement. It’s very Spock, if you’ll pardon the expression, makes those moments when Capaldi’s face beams all the more special (cf, the giddy dance, oh the giddy dance in Flatline). It’s not all perfect. His general rudeness to people he’s just met isn’t attractive. “PE” was back with a vengeance too (though that could be rationalised as him gauging the nature of this dream construct version of Danny and how he’ll be interacting with him). But if we’re now in the post The Twin Dilemma world, that’s fine.

On the basis of Last Christmas I’m also willing to shift Clara to being my fourth favourite companion of all time behind Polly, Martha and Charley Pollard (who I can now play alongside Eighth in the Legacy game thanks to the Big Finish Humble Bundle) (phew). Those tears in the teaser, those teaser tears. Those dream tears would clearly have had even greater weight if the apparent original (and frankly awful) companion conclusion had stayed in place, her seeing that interior for the first time in decades, but even after six months and an assumption that she’d never see her again, you can understand why, having had time to think, she’d be flabbergasted.

The Danny Pink business is still problematic and I’m not sure that we needed yet another farewell scene for the both of them, but it was beautifully played by the three actors and there is a poignancy that not only would this fictional paradise be her last Christmas with her boyfriend, it would be her only one, them having met and him dying between festive seasons. But the notion of the last Christmas is something which has been playing on my mind for the past few years. It’s why, even with me at the age of forty, our family still fills the bottom of the tree with presents, why I still treat Christmas the way I did when I was ten years old and I’m going to stop this paragraph here because I don’t want to cry like I did during the episode.

With all of that good will out of the way, let’s deal with the rest of it. I didn’t really like Nick Frost’s Santa or the elves and I don’t think they worked within the context of what they were supposed to mean within the dream construct. Would these people really envisage this version, the one doing an impression of Simon Pegg doing an impression of Toby Young? I think the jokes were fine and I enjoyed the verbal jousting with the Doctor and the thematic undercurrent of their spiritual similarities. But I would have much preferred a figure closer to the Kris Kringle from Miracle on 34th Street, born of comfort rather than cynicism, especially since we’re in the realm of children’s belief systems.

Speaking of which, and because I am forty but without children, I would like to know how kids reacted to the notion that Santa only exists in dreams, of being told flat out that he’s a fantasy. Granted such things are also available to kids with internet access and the Wikipedia entry, and the Satsuma at the end, perhaps a visual reference to the closing spinning top shot in Inception is supposed to imply otherwise, but I do wonder how many parents had to find a rationalisation of their own at the end of that. Though parents are very good at this. I found it entirely reasonable after visiting the Santas at both Lewis’s and Blacklers department stores in Liverpool on the same day that they were his ambassadors or helpers and the real one was busy up north making presents.

Now, here’s a question. Are we ok with the revelation that the three women scientists, the fact of there being three women scientists one of the great pleasures of the story up until that point, were only dreaming they were scientists and that two them at least Ashley and Shona (we don’t know the previous employment status of the grandmother, Fiona), respectively worked as an account manager for a Perfume company and as the other says "I work in a shop. I thought I was a scientist. That's rubbish."? Why not just keep them as scientists when they wake up or have them be themselves in the dream rather than shaming them for the jobs they otherwise have?

Am I wrong to take umbrage at this with its nested portion of umbrage reserved for the gender stereotyping inherent in the choice of jobs? Why Perfume exactly, assuming Perfume isn’t a software company? Again I’d be interested to hear feedback. It was suggested to me on the Twitters afterwards I may have overreacted to this and potentially I have and it’s true I have become quite sensitive to this sort of thing recently for various reasons. What of Albert? Was he still a Professor in the real world? His name is very professortorial. Perhaps he’s essentially David Brent in real life. Anyway, please feel free to leave your comments beneath the doubly-doos or the sub-Reddit (if I had one).

But apart from that, Last Christmas is fine. Any episode which has Faye Marsay apparently defending herself from alien attack by dancing to the music of Slade and a joke about Santa’s sleigh holding all the presents because it’s dimensionally transcendental can’t be all bad. The various obvious tweaks do correct some of my own cynicism about the future of the show, though my planned plunge into McGann catch up over the next eighth months should help too. Having finally “done” Santa, (Time) lord knows where Moffat will go with the special next year. It’s going to be the nativity, isn’t it?

Now, take it away Jane Wiedlin …

"We lived in Arizona, and the skies always had little fluffy clouds in 'em..."



Music One of the big sellers on Amazon at the moment is the compilation album Moods which has all the tracks you'd expect it to (Enigma, Vangelis, DJ Sammy) and includes The Orb's Little Fluffy Clouds which I first heard when it was played to me by a friend at university when I visited his house. We sat on his carpet and he pumped it out of his very good sound sound system and it was like nothing this Debbie Gibson fan had experienced before.

Listening again just now on Spotify, I finally decided to try and find out exactly where the sample interview came from, this voice I've been listening to all of these years.  I've always assumed it was a news voxpop, perhaps from some US cable channel.  Or a documentary about the weather.

Inevitably the Wikipedia has an answer:
""Little Fluffy Clouds" is centred on clips from an interview with Rickie Lee Jones in which she recalls picturesque images of her childhood. Critics and fans sometimes attribute the odd nasal tonality of Jones' voice to drug use, though Jones later claimed that it was the result of a heavy cold. The samples are widely believed to have come from a conversation between Jones and LeVar Burton on the children's television programme Reading Rainbow., but in fact originated from an interview disc that was issued with some promotional boxed copies of her album Flying Cowboys. The interview was not actually conducted by Burton at all."
Which then leads to YouTube and the first interview most of us can actually speak along to ...



Interestingly, the uploader makes the LeVar Burton mistake too even though the voice we hear sounds nothing like Geordi LaForge.

What the Wikipedia doesn't mention is what the first voice we hear is. That would be John Waite whose audio show reel is also on YouTube and mentions The Orb in his CV:



He's currently the reporter on Radio 4's Face The Facts.

The Films I've Watched This Year #18



Film Evening. Here are the usual excuses for why this list is short (or at least I think looks short). Saturday night I watched the BBC's Museums at Night stream which wasn't bad for a first try even if in the Martha Kearney presented chunks there was no sense of this being a live event beyond technical hitches, nothing to evoke the atmosphere of the Imperial War Museum North opening late, plus given the event it was only when it focused on the workings of the museum that it really seemed to make sense. What's becoming my regular Monday night burst of culture was as I mentioned previously Amanda Vickery's immensely enjoyable corrective on the history of women in art, The Story of Woman and Art grinning right through the section about one of my top ten favourite painters Elizabeth Louise Vigee Le Brun (even if the programme insisted on missing out her second name) (I also think I'm a little bit in love with Amanda Vickery now too and her expressive vowels).  Then I spent the whole day on Thursday night in a church hall with two complete strangers working as a poll clerk at the local and European elections and that brings us back to here.

Stoker
Ocean's Twelve
The Lucky Ones
Naked Weapon
Rock of Ages
The Last Samurai
Jack Reacher

Not a bad week overall, certainly nothing so horrendously bad that I'm having to Brillo my braincells, no What To Expect When You're Expecting.  Rock of Ages is a bit of a patience tester but even then, the songs are pretty well turned out and as an adaptation of a jukebox stage musical it can and will only ever be as good as that jukebox stage musical.  It's also not a film you can say very much about.  Debbie Gibson appears as an extra, interestingly credited as Debbie Gibson rather than Deborah which is what she shifted to in her "sexy" phase post the Anything is Possible album, released the utterly horrendous Shock Your Momma and I discovered Amy Grant instead (!).  There are discussions to be had presumably about the objectification and codification of women and most of the men come across as complete assholes too even the one's we're ostensibly supposed to be rooting for.  Perhaps the most interesting performance is from Tom Cruise who offers just the right level of menace as the "rock god" figure, dialing down all of his natural charisma so that when he does show a glimmer of humanity it really shines.

Despite his public image, I'm happy to admit to still being a fan of Cruise as a screen presence because of that natural charisma  As with all of those 90s megastars (see also Hanks, Costner, Smith and Reeves), there's a lack of interchangeability, of not really being able to imagine anyone else in a given part.  That's especially true of The Last Samurai in which he's able to engender our sympathy despite having been part of the extermination of the Native Americans.  Granted that's a function of the historically bullshit Dances with Samurai storyline, but there are few other actors who can switch from convincing action to acting quite this successfully.  Anyone else would seem miscast.  A young Harrison Ford possibly, not that Cruise himself is getting any younger.  I've been trying to remember why I haven't seen Samuvtar before.  Perhaps I was on a Kurasawa curve and decided I didn't want to see this distorted Hollywoodisation of it.  Now it's just made me want to watch more Samurai films.

Plugging my Cruise gaps also led me to Jack Reacher which is far better than any of the reviews suggested.  A good old fashioned, 90s style thriller with Alan J Pakula style trimmings (All The President's Men score on the temp track much?), again it's another tour-de-force for the actor as he's called up on to be an entirely blank man with no name figure and compelling enough for us to care about.  Not having read the Lee Child book (obviously), I hadn't realised the extent to which it's essentially another iteration of the Doctor Who myth, of the stranger who "just wants to be left alone" but feels compelled to help either because someone's asked for him or simply because he's there.  But it's exciting, screamingly funny in places and has Robert Duvall being Robert Duvall a lot and Rosamund Pike essentially playing the same role as Demi Moore in A Few Good Men.  It's also thoroughly a Chris McQuarrie film; the rhythms of his monologues and the structure of the flashbacks are straight out The Usual Suspects, with sections like the "victims" montage creating a sense of trying to produce something more than a simple action adventure piece.

Over the summer I'm going to attempt to watch as much of the Toronto International Film Festival and BFI's Century of Chinese Cinema selections as I can, but after trying to stream something from Netflix and Amazon Instant Video and finding some utterly unwatchable cropped and poorly dubbed prints ended up with Naked Weapon which is not on their list but stars Maggie Q in what amounts to a Chinese version of Sexpionage (sometimes called Secret Weapons) crossed with Nikita (which is of course interesting because Q would go on to actually star in a television version of Nikita).  It's mainly an exploitation piece (apparently a sequel come remake of something called Naked Killer), cue further discussions about the objectification and codification of women, but the script goes out of its way to make the protagonists sympathetic dimensional figures and there are some pretty neat action and fight sequences even if there's an astonishingly high body count (apparently the director Wong Jing's a bit notorious).  If nothing else it's wetted my appetite for the rest of the summer and seeing some of the classics of the form instead.

The Lucky Ones didn't receive a theatrical release in the UK and like Married Life from a few weeks ago I wouldn't have known about its existence if it hadn't starred Rachel McAdams.  It's a treat.  McAdams and Michael Peña play soldiers on leave who, joined by army retiree Tim Robbins, find themselves stranded at an airport and decide to drive across country to their various homes and fates and realise there's a big difference between expectations and actuality.  Unlike most road movies, there's no ticking clock, the three characters shift from A to B to C and across the alphabet searching for happiness and bonding and we simply enjoy being in their company.  Of the three it's McAdams who's acting her pants off in the period when she was still dabbling with character roles, as a Southern baptist who despite the death of her boyfriend has a solid belief that life will work out.  It's mostly light comedy with some drama with little indication that director Neil Burger's next two films would be Limitless and Divergent.

And so to Ocean's Twelve, which is still one of my favourite films, the one you're all still wrong about just as I'm entirely correct.  Watched in the context of Full Frontal, the Julia Roberts affair makes better sense since it's a "mainstream" version of the film within a film material there.  On the audio commentary, Soderbergh explains that the original script, presumably the "Honour Amongst Thieves" draft, Roberts's character was supposed to imitate an old Romanov princess but that they decided that the concept of having Roberts's character play Julia Roberts was too delicious not to attempt.  I agree.  It's also extremely brave of them to put most of the main cast in a prison cell for the finale of the story.  Robert McKee would presumably hate that.  But all three films are essentially about a single protagonist with numerous facets anyway so it's quiet successfully having it all ways.  The imdb trivia page for the film is massive.  Linus's Dad was originally played by Peter Fonda but he was edited out.  George Clooney was only two years old then me when this was shot.  But he looks so much older...

The Films I've Watched This Year #17



Books Yes, well, no, I didn't, not really. This week's been a hermitage week and so to make things extra specially different to usual, I decided to read some books instead of watching films across themed days. Monday was music, Tuesday was theatre, Wednesday was television, Thursday some film and Friday has been what it has been.  As well as the Arden edition of A Jovial Crew which I reviewed the other day, the other items were Hanif Kureshi's diary about the making of Sammy and Rosie Get Laid from some Granta edition, the RSC's King Lear for kids and the documentary and performance content from The Shakespearean London Theatres (SHALT) project's YouTube channel which I know all stretches the definition of what a book is but I needed a break after bashing my way through an actor's autobiography.  You'll see which.  Back to normal, back to work, after today, though frankly it's going to be difficult.  The whole thing has been blissful.  Though I probably do still need to take a week away.  I haven't had a holiday since 2009.



There's something quite discombobulating about reading a nostalgia piece which is just slightly outside of your field of reference especially when it's from someone who would then go on to be squarely within that nostalgic margin. The first half of Louise Wener's memoir Different For Girls covers her teenage years, which weren't spectacularly different to most people, recording the top 40 from Radio One with a finger poised on the pause button to cut out the DJ, having to choose between moonboots or a Human League album due to budgetary considerations (I did much the same with computer games and Kylie Minogue) and attending a David Bowie concert. Except for most of us these are steps towards become workers in the customer service industry. For Wener, they were the research and inspiration for becoming a pop star and ultimately led to her becoming the lead singer of Sleeper.

Which leads to a second half which is the very definition of "a think piece about a mid-level band struggling with their own limitations in the harsh face of stardom" and entirely aware of it (one of the chapters is even called "Almost Famous").  After noodling around in venues for a while, Sleeper are eventually signed to a record company for a horrendous "slave" deal and then find themselves on the crest of the wave they called Brit Pop trying desperately to break an America that doesn't understand them and touring Europe as interrelations within the band fall apart due to Wener breaking up with the guitarist then becoming involved with the drummer.  How much of this is news to fans of music from the period I'm not sure, but as with Sheryl Garrett's Adventures in Wonderland, it's a useful way for me to fill in a gap in my own history, of a period in cultural history I entirely missed because I was still listening to Debbie Gibson tunes and shit.

Wener's trick, and what sets it apart from what you might expect from a rock biography is that she writes about the whole thing in the same way, approaching Saturday jobs and presenting Top of the Pops with the same brutal honesty.  All the while she's entirely cognicent of her and the band's own limitations and that for all their hard work, they'll never quite reach the heights of Oasis or Blur but that to an extent they don't really want to.  Wener has a surprising awareness of how it all what went wrong, that the horror of touring and publicity left little room for finding a proper inspiration for the third album which was mostly written on autopilot and recorded with a different bassist and although it included the odd good song that led to some critical plaudits, was always going to disappoint especially as the Brit Pop cycle was coming to an end.  Middle level bands like Sleeper and Shed Seven would be the casualties and as soon as the first single tanked, they knew it was time to cut their losses.

One of Wener's big disappointments was that the band wasn't subversive enough that they weren't the sort of group like L7  or Hole, who'd do naughty things on The Word.  Nicholas Cook's Music: A Very Short Introduction is exactly that in book form.  Instead of offering what you might expect to be a short history of music, Cook instead decides to metaphorically throw the whole notion of musicology under the bus, listing in some detail and plenty of relish its failings as a discipline and how, in deliberately calcifying it through an elitist approach that deifies composers and patronises laypeople, is ultimately hurting our appreciation of music and Western classical music in general.  People familiar with the treatment of other cultural institutions will find suitable comparisons here.  Just as the editorial history of Shakespeare's texts has always threatened to engulf the purpose of the plays through discussions of his intent, so dozens of editions of Beethoven and Chopin's scores have led to wildly differing appreciations of what they were attempting to do.

Nonetheless, Cook has managed to offer a few nuggets to this layman.  As well as the news that Beethoven's 9th is argued over with as much rigour as Hamlet's various editions, there's the elucidation that the difference between Mozart and Beethoven is that the former's work favours the individual, whereas the latter is interested in the overall sound and so consequently are less arguably less enjoyable to play.  There's also a certain confirmation of how unfair we tend to be on pop stars who can't sing live, failing to notice the distinction between pop and rock music, each designed for their own particular set of purposes but neither really "authentic".  As Wener's book demonstrates, she and her guitarist effectively manufactured Sleeper by putting an advert out for a bassist and drummer and when they were signed, they hung around in the studio for six months working out their "sound".  Just because there were more voices in the creation of The Spice Girls, the process wasn't that different.

More brutal honesty in Simon Callow's Being an Actor.  Subsequently updated many times, this version I read this week is the first edition, published in 1984 covering his years in drama school, through his jobbing period and mix of critical acclaim and drubbing on the stage of the National.  He's till flirting with television (his appearance as Raymond Craft in Crown Court isn't mentioned) and Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls is still ten years away.  Most of it's about what you'd expect, the period as a youngster when he submerged himself in a persona called "Simon Callow" whom he later realises is a bit of an asshole, through realising that he can act before deciding on several dozen occasions that he's going to be found out to entirely failing to join Ken Campbell's Science Fiction theatre because he realises they're all completely mad.  It's impossible to read without the great man's voice in your head.  The latest edition's available as an audiobook.  That must be a time.

As with all this week's books, the best moments are when the writer breaks from expectation and heads into emotional dangerous areas, and in Callow's case that's his disembowelling of not just his own technique but how it's impacted by poor direction.  There are thrilling passages in which he remembers rehearsals by the moment as directors with controlling tendencies simply want him to do it their way then can't really understand why, at the end of the rehearsal process, the production has no life to it.  Sometimes he simply gives himself over to it then takes the negative notices on the chin, sometimes he fights against it, but the there's a general sense that he prefers directors with flexible visions, willing to collaborate and who understand, or at least agree with Callow, that an important part of the process is realising who this character is that he's playing and how for a story to work, they almost have to exist in a way which makes the text and that story inevitable.  Phew.  In the main though, most of his acting chums are marvellous.

Jeffrey Stepakoff's memoir, Billion Dollar Kiss: The Kiss That Saved Dawson’s Creek and Other Adventures in TV Writing actually follows a similar trajectory of college dawdling before deciding on a career and then success though without quite the level of self-doubt, largely because once he's on the gravy train of working on US network television as a writer, although some of the shows he works on were so cancelled they didn't even receive UK distribution (C-16 FBI? Hyperion Bay?).  Mostly it's a manifesto, written in the moment when traditional scripted fiction television found itself in the quagmire of having to justify its existence in the face of "reality" television, which as Stepakoff notes was just as scripted and in much the same way but had producers and editors thinking up storylines and hoping the dialogue would come.  Across the decades he covers, he tracks the period when writers were kings and development contracts led to million dollar paychecks even if shows never made it to air to, well, not.

As the title hints, it's Stepakoff's attempt at offering a an Adventures in the Screentrade for television writing, and arguably it's when he's actually describing the process of writing and what it's like to be in the rooming churning out these scripts that the book pings not least the horror that was producing Dawson's Creek once Kevin Williamson had left.  As he says, the first season is a golden thirteen episodes of television, some of the best teen drama every produced.  But it's a complete story and after that there wasn't a motivating element so it simply became soap opera, which is an interesting distinction, which Stepakoff acknowledges, but it did leave us viewers, as it meandered onwards, wondering quite what to make of it (as these posts from this blog while it was transmitting attest).  His argument is that when Pacey and Joey kissed it saved Dawson's Creek because it made the show about something again, which is arguably true but also led to it becoming horribly maudlin and even Proustian at times even after Busy Philipps joined.

Robert McKee would presumably describe the kiss as an "inciting incident" and it certainly was that though for the whole thing to really work in metanarrative terms it should have occurred at the end of the first season.  But McKee's Story doesn't much cover television other than to suggest what not to do in a film screenplay in terms of character and structure, though he also suggests they're one in the same thing anyway.  He does that a lot, tells the reader not to do something then a hundred pages later offers some examples of when it's perfectly ok or when it works, that, although he doesn't ever specify this, there are exceptions that disprove a rule, which you would think is problematic in a book which is supposed to be offering rules for writing a film screenplay.  No wonder Charlie Kauffman's character of Charlie Kaufmann in Adaptation is so bloody confused and manic by the end.  What is a screenwriter supposed to do when a four hundred page writing manual essentially boils down to two words,  "avoid cliche"?

In offering reasons why I finally read Story, Adaptation would be one.  Another would be so that I can say that I have, even though to say you've done something is no reason to actually do it.  Museums and archaeological sites are filled with tourists who've little to no interest in what they're seeing but are ticking the Mona Lisa or Stonehenge off a list (annoying the shit out of the people who actually do want to be there in the process).  Having spent the best part of a day working through the thing, I certainly wouldn't say I was equipped in any way to write a screenplay, though perhaps it shouldn't considered a failure in that regard since I wasn't going to write one anyway.  I do wish I'd glanced at it in 2006 when I was writing my dissertation though, since the section about multiplots, what I called hyperlink films, would have proven invaluable even if I think he misses the point by just saying they're a bunch of subplots without what he calls a "central plot".  In most cases, they're either a group of "central plots".

None of which is to say he didn't offer some insights.  He agrees with me that all films need some kind of mystery and intrigue and that too much exposition all dissipates rather than increases interest.  I'm always especially grumpy when films begin with back story, often with main characters as children since more often than not this doesn't provide much that couldn't be best served by simply showing the characters as adults, though as McKee notes if its a natural part of the story's structure, for example, The Last Emperor or I'd argue in Your Eyes, it's perfectly fine.  There's also an excellent section explaining why some films feel flabby in the middle - it's because the writer is letting duration dictate the plot rather than the other way around and is inventing incident that has nothing to do with what the protagonist wants.  Oh and he also led me to realise that Joss Whedon's way into scripting The Avengers was to make Nick Fury the central character and make all of the turning point actions about him.

Through a Glass Darkly
The Act of Killing

McKee also led me to finally watch what is my film of the week, Ingmar Bergman's bleak chamber piece about the spirituality and mental illness, which the script consultant for Barbie as the Island Princess (no, really) uses to demonstrate how character motivations work within a scene.  As with all films which treat the viewer as an adult, it's impossible to really discuss after a single watch, so tightly woven are the themes and so subtle the acting.  McKee describes a water motif which I missed completely, so involved was I in the story, though as he says the very best films stand up to multiple watches for just these reasons but also that it's important the symbolism is so overt that it becomes amusing (apart from the occasions when the symbolism is being particularly forefronted for a reason) (see what I mean?).  The real magic was in how I watched the film.  Having realised I needed to see it before reading a section of the book but not owning a copy, I checked Amazon Prime Instant and there it was with eleven other Tartan releases.

The modern world continues to astound me.

The Feeling Listless Soundtrack 1.0:
Museum.



Composed by Ira Newborn.
[Soundtrack unavailable] [still]

Music  There are two Starbucks in Liverpool City Centre. The first one to open serves the business quarter. The newest is on the border between a main shopping precinct and the pub and club land. It took up shop in the empty shell of one of the newer wave of bars in Liverpool City Centre - the kind which was too good to stay open too long. It was barely open a year. But the staff were friendly, they let people wear jeans and they had big couches - the only downside being the price (so not that far from being a Starbucks anyway then). There was also a lovely balcony window from which you could watch the shenanigans at the even trendier bar across the street. What really did mark it out from most other venues was that rather than offering the musical entertainment of the pub band, it allowed artists to display work on its walls. And so this was the place - my hook or crook - but more likely stealth I went to my last private view.

I remember the first art private view I ever attended. It was during a month's work experience at an art gallery and I'd been asked along to see what they were like as part of my education. I didn't really know what to expect. Actually - I expected lots of people standing around talking about the art and wondering about the universe. What I actually found was lots of people standing around drinking wine and talking about the last private view they went to. Looking around the exhibition, I didn't exactly fall to my knees and have an epiphany. Polished stone has never been one of my favourite art materials - so being dragged around room after room of the stuff I began to have flashbacks to boring visits to MFI as a child (or was it B&Q).

Eventually the moment arrived when I would be introduced to the artist. Now I had met artists before - the inspiring type of artists who work for their soul - this guy (who will remain nameless) seemed a touch - affected (something I've since realised most artists are). We shake hands and he looks down on me and asks me what I think of his exhibition. For some reason something twigged inside me. At the time, I didn't know really know what sycophancy was, but I could tell that this was the kind of reaction which had been visited on him most of his life. And somewhere in the back of my mind I decided that I wasn't going to go with the flow (believe me I never have). So I look up at him, this self-made God-like figure and say:
'To be honest I don't really like it.'
Suddenly there is silence in the group. Some embarrassed grins. A snigger. He looks a back at me - surprise obvious. And the bastard got me. He had a response.
'Well have you looked properly?'
'I think so.' I answer, squirming slightly at my lack of an actual plan.
'Well I think you should come and have proper look - perhaps in your lunch hour.' Trigger cocked. Bang. In other words - I don't have a lunch hour - we artists work as the mood takes us.

My private view experiences since then have been mixed. But I think they all are except for all but a select few. Which brings us back to that opening at that trendy bar.

I was given an invite by a friend, and since there was a bar, decided that at least I'd have a choice of drink. It turned out, this time the work amounted to three paintings and a screensaver projected on a wall. And I walk in and look around it dawns on me that these aren't my people. I don't know completely what it was, as I can usually work in any given situation, but I'd entered a room full of people just looking at each other. Glancing at their beer. Looking back at each other. Sip of beer.

I like talk. I like chatter. Admittedly, a few arty types are talking and the token goths are looking bored because (quite rightly) they refuse to pay these prices. I buy a beer and begin the long dark stand to oblivion. I buy another beer. I look around and decide to take the bull by the horns. Two girls are sitting rictus-like on a three seater couch.
I approach with a 'I don't know anyone here who are you . . .'
They look up nervously.
'Erm . . . I'm Sally.' Pipes up the brunette.
'Julie.' Mumbles the blonde.
By now I'm sitting down - and I realise that I've lost the power of speech. Creeking moments go by.
'Do you know the artist?' I ask.
'No.' says Sally.
'No.' says Julie. They got the tickets from a friend.
'I know what that's like.' I say just that little bit to loud.
I think it was Julie who glared at me first. Oh well, I think, all is not lost yet. And the exchange continues (me first):
'What do you do?'
'We're students.'
'What do you do?'
'Hispanic Studies.' (mental rictus - what the hell was I going to do with that - 'Isn't that Jennifer Lopez doing well for herself?' - I think not.)
'Second year?'
'How can you tell?' (Oh don't you know I know all and see all. My mystical Hex powers are infinite)
'You have that world weary look.' (Yes, that's what I actually said, but come on - I was desperate. So desperate, the whole mystic powers schtick has my back up).
So then we sit there. Julie nervously comments on the how she likes the décor. I ask her if she could live with it at home. She carries on talking but suddenly I'm in the Seinfeld mumbling episode, nodding along without a clue what she's saying. Sally leaves. Julie says she'll stick around and keep me company. We sit some more. I start to blabber about a friend whose got minimalist décor in his flat. She seems vaguely interested. I continue. There is no friend of course. I stole him from an interior design programme from about six months ago. Another friend arrives wondering who the hell I am. She starts getting interested about this none conversation I'm having about this fictional friend. My hands get clammy. Finally they ask me what I do. There is a brief exchange about an exhibition I thought was dull but they thought was 'Top'. Then I use my sucker punch secret weapon:
'I'm a writer. I write.'
They both perk up, and ask 'Had anything produced?'
'Not yet.'
I don't think I've seen a droop in interest as quick before. Within moments they're at the bar desperately trying cocktails.
I get up and leave.

The moral being if you've got to one of these things, take a friend, that way, if you're going to be boring, you can be boring together [Originally written over a decade ago.]

[Commentary:  Much of the above did indeed happen at the trendy bar which was once stationed in the position Starbucks on Bold Street is now standing.  It was the late nineties, when I also wrote this piece which first appeared on the website that existed before this one (full story here).  The earlier private view anecdote is true too.  No I still won't reveal the artist.  Given that I was an employee of the place where and when this happened, however unversed I was about the whole thing, it was unprofessional, something I agonised about later.  No, neither am I proud about reducing people to their sub-cultures or hair colour.  In all ways, I don't come across at all well in the text above, do I?  But do I ever?

When I put this famous track from Ferris Bueller into the original track listing, I didn't have any idea that it was a cover of a Smiths song, which is why it's simply listed as "Museum".  Having listened to the 500 Days of Summer soundtrack somewhat I've been put right on the source.  When I say "I don't do guitar bands", I've never done guitar bands.  When Please, Please, Please, Let Me Get What I Want was out I was ten and listening to Five Star and between S/A/W and Debbie Gibson tunes (and shit) never really did catch up.  Even as I write this I'm listening to the Lorde album.  Sorry.]

Debs's Tiff tiff.

Music  My inner teenager is having a very exciting day indeed.


Debbie with her "Shake Your Love" hair, Tiffany at around the time of "I Think We're Alone Now"?

 This be 1987, this be.

Review 2013: Not The Doctor: Travels with Matsui.

Music Back in 2002, when I was commuting to Manchester and back for the job at the RBS call centre, I began a series on this blog called Travels with Matsui in which I'd listen to an album I'd usually borrowed from the city centre library which was near work, listen to it on the train ride home, on a Matsui portable cd player and then write a review with a particular structure. Beginning with Britney's Baby One More Time, it's a series which lasted all of about nine posts, only about six of them fulfilling the initial promise and premise. It's also a project I entirely forgot about last year when the annual review was about projects, so I thought I'd cover it this year instead. The conditions are almost exactly the same, except that I'm sitting at a desk rather than a train, the Matsui cd player is long gone and replaced with Spotify and the choice has been made by listeners of that music service since I'm going to be writing about the track that is, at time of writing (which was a couple of weeks ago) the most listened to on the service in the UK. It's ...



Bastille - Of The Night

What? The Wikipedia tells me (and you now) Bastille "are an English rock band formed in London in 2010. Bastille began as a solo project by singer-songwriter Dan Smith, who later decided to form a band. The four-piece consists of members Daniel Smith, Chris Wood, William Farquarson and Kyle Simmons. The name of the band derives from Bastille Day – an event celebrated on Daniel Smith's birthday, 14 July." The only reason I've heard of them is from hearing them mentioned in the NOW advert which features incessantly whenever you watched the VEVO YouTube channel on a television during the Summer for what having done some "research" turns out to be Pompeii. I know nothing about contemporary music. I only know that Lily Allen sings the music on the John Lewis advert because she sent me an email about it. Or her PR did. The one with the animals. I get a lot of emails from PRs about music. Let this be a lesson to them. I quite like Pompeii. Or I think I do. Or it could simply that having heard the same thirty seconds on the NOW advert, I've been subconsciously convinced I do. They also have a song called Laura Palmer which I'm less impressed with because it doesn't seem to have much to do with Twin Peaks.

First impressions? That we now live in the world where Corona's Rhythm of the Night, I song which I didn't really understand when it was released because I was still listening to Debbie Gibson tunes and shit and now recognise as a minor masterpiece of Eurodance, has two relatively popular cover versions. One, by Eurovision's Cascada sounds like it's by Eurovision's Cascada. This other doesn't exactly begin well with its too posh pronunciation of "dancer" ("dorncer"), uncertain baseline and listless vocals. But the methodology is different. The Corona is designed as a dancefloor filler. This sounds more like the kind of thing people in cars might listen to whilst riding around the city after the clubs have shut and the night's over. There's a nihilistic quality which the promo director has latched on to with some visuals that presumably mean it's banned from the daytime music stations, not that such things matter in the digital age.

Touched? Not especially. At most this feels like a b-side and I can't understand exactly why it's quite so popular, but like I said, I don't know anything about music, but having heard it a couple of times for the purposes of writing this, I'm not especially interested in listening to it again.

Lasting impressions? That I wish it was a cover version of DeBarge's Rhythm of the Night. That would have been quite something in this style.

Keep, dump or sell? Sell. Something this popular is bound to have a resale value. Except of course I streamed it so I don't own it anyway.  Oh and no one buys anything like this second hand any more.

Billy Zane.

Music On the other hand, there's Avril Lavigne's new video ...



... which only really makes sense if you read British comics in the 1980s and 90s, watched The Wonder Years and are a supporter of pissing off Guns N Roses fans. For all that it's majestic and shows a real resurgence in Team Lavigne. Also if this had Doctor Who dvd style production subtitles on it, at a certain point they'd say, "Danica McKellar is also one of the only actresses to appear in a video for both Avril Lavigne and Debbie Gibson"



Yes, I know.

Alicia Keys sings the Gummi Bears theme song.



Music On Jimmy Kimmel. Watch for the moment when the audience realises what's going on and aren't sure how respectful they should be given that Keys is giving the song all of her usual professionalism.

At university in the mid-nineties while visiting Huddersfield and flicking through a second-hand record shop near the railway station I found a cassette copy of a Disney charity compilation, For Our Children. I'll admit my purchase was motivated by being a Debbie Gibson completest, but having learnt something about music since then, I'm astounded by the contents now. Here's the track listing (with links as possible):

Give a little love / Ziggy Marley and the Melody Makers
This old man / Bob Dylan
Cushie Butterfield / Sting
Mary had a little lamb / Paul McCartney
The ballad of Davy Crockett / Stephen Bishop
Itsy bitsy spider / Little Richard
Chicken lips and lizard hips / Bruce Springsteen
Country feelin's / Brian Wilson
Blueberry pie / Bette Midler
The pacifier / Elton John
Getting to know you / James Taylor
Autumn to May / Ann and Nancy Wilson
Child of mine / Carole King
Tell me why / Pat Benatar
A medley of rhymes: man in the moon/Twinkle, twinkle, little star/Three blind mice/Hush little baby / Debbie Gibson
Blanket for a sail / Harry Nilsson
Good night, my love (pleasant dreams) / Paula Abdul
Gartan mother's lullaby/ Meryl Streep
Golden slumbers / Jackson Browne and Jennifer Warne
A child is born / Barbra Streisand.

Yes, that's Dylan perkily droning through This Old Man for ten verses.

I'm sure, even at the age of eighteen, this was the first time I'd encountered half of these performers. I also expect James Taylor singing Getting To Know You was as useful an introduction as any.  Research suggest subsequent releases had Seal singing Puff The Magic Dragon and Luther Vandross offering us his I Had A Hammer.

Disney must reissue all of these soon.

"I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night."

Film The Age has the best obituary for Nora Ephron, syndicated from the Washington Post. Given that she co-wrote my favourite film of all time, or at least the film I've chosen to say is my favourite film of all time when people ask me "What's your favourite film of all time?" the news of her death when I woke up this morning didn't really set me up for the most exciting of days and so it's proved with some pottering around on the web, reading another fifty pages of one of the many books I'm struggling through and watching Tony Scott's Unstoppable, throughout which I was distracted by the news broadcasts being framed in the same aspect ratio as the rest of the film, despite everyone within watching the impending disaster on ordinary domestic screens in 16:9.

To make up for the length of that sentence, here are five Nora related memories.

(1)  This quote from When Harry Met Sally (spoiler alert -- it's from right at the end):
"I love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."
I continue to aspire to meet someone I wish I could say that sort of thing to.

(2) Sleepless in Seattle was the second film I saw when I went away to university in the mid-90s. The first was The Fugitive. I saw both at The Lounge cinema in Leeds (which closed in 2005 and is now being turned into office space). Still homesick, I decided to cheer myself up with with some chips, bought beforehand from the Chinese take away opposite to take in, but it wasn't until I was sat down I realised that they hadn't put salt and vinegar on so ended up eating them without, a welcome reminder to always have salt and vinegar on chips.  Although the film helped a bit, afterwards when I returned to halls, because I didn't have any friends yet but was desperate for someone to talk, I sat crying my eyes out in a stairwell near a room where I could hear people who'd become fast friends, laughing and listening to music.  I vowed never to do that again.  I'd like to say I still haven't.

(3)  Watching Norah's The South Bank Show in which she mentioned that quote from the top of the obituary of what her Mum said to her on her deathbed:  “Take notes.  Everything is copy.”  It's one of my mantras, my iChing (in the You've Got Mail sense of the word) for writing along with James Blish's question "Who does it hurt?" and the "Time is a great dealer" postcard I have on my wall.  The episode was to promote her film Mixed Nuts, a film to this day I still haven't been able to sit all of the way through because it began Steve Martin's slow decline.

(4)  The unfolding entertainment of the trivia page on the imdb's entry for You've Got Mail which informs us:  "Meg Ryan's character, Kathleen Kelly, uses a Macintosh PowerBook G3 "Kanga", (introduced 11/97), or a Macintosh PowerBook 3400c, (introduced 2/97) in the movie. The exact model she used can't be determined from looking at the outer plastic case, as both machines used the same plastic case. "  That Michael Palin shot scenes for the film which were cut.  A reminder that the massive bookshop that's moving in destroying the little guy is called Fox Books, which now makes it look like an allegory for the entire media/cultural complex of the planet (let alone the book trade)

(5)  The poster for Cookie which Nora co-scripted was ubiquitous on the release of the film in 1989 as was the trailer which featured the instrumental version of Kylie's I Should Be So Lucky incongruously layered on top rendering most of the dialogue inaudible.  Given my worshipping at the alter of Minogue and a desperation to see anything she was even tangentially involved with I had to see this.  Unfortunately for me, the BBFC saw fit to give it a 15 certificate, and I was just slightly too young for the cinema release and still haven't seen it since by the time the video was released I'd moved on to worshipping Debbie Gibson and couldn't care less.

probably the most representative

Music I'm sometimes asked what kind of music I listened to as a teenager. In the process of having a clearout I found a 12" vinyl reminder. Accepting the Debbie Gibson thing and the Amy Grant thing (and the Kylie thing before that), this is probably the most representative:



Amazing how well adjusted I am now, isn't it? I have their Thicker Than Water album somewhere too. It peaked at an amazing no. 125 on the US album chart.

The Surge.

Politics Last night, I nearly burst into tears after seeing some numbers. No, it wasn’t the ratings given by visitors to Gallifrey Base for the Doctor Who episode, though fans really don’t know when they’ve been born when they’re giving Spitfires vs. Daleks five on ten and complaining about the fact that the technology seemed to have been knocked together in five minutes by one of their agents gone rogue.

No, my near show shower was after seeing the Liberal Democrats ahead of two other parties in the Mail on Sunday poll. A YouGov poll tonight as reported by UK Polling Report offers similar numbers LDEM 33%(+4), CON 32%(-1), LAB 26%(-3). I knew that Nick Clegg’s performance had been good, but I didn’t really suspect that they’d be transferred into these numbers.

Mad keen on politics, I’ve been following the election since its been called watching Newsnight on consecutive evenings, listening intently to the Today programme and PM and reading my paper of choice. As I joked here, having already decided who I was going to vote for this largely consisted of half listening to the arguments then insulting the people on Twitter. #ge2010.

Until Thursday there was a quite resignation about being a lifelong Lib Dem supporter and knowing that our polling record would slip in and out of 20% until the election when we would stunningly under-perform, as usual winning some seats but losing just as many others meaning we’d end up back at square one, our only hope this time for a hung parliament and a bit of more influence. Hence my emotion response to some numbers.

As ever until Thursday, the Lib Dems where considered by the media as the also rans. The election meant some extra focus here and there, but though the Labservative manifestos appeared as headlines in the papers Monday to Thursday, the Lib Dems were reduced to a byline or nestling somewhere in the middle pages, our message lost within the squabbling over the content of the parties that seemed most likely to form the next government.

Have I Got News For You the week before the debate was making the usual jokes about the Lib Dems being forgettable and not being able to make up their mind about anything – jokes which were repeated the following week in the episode which ran opposite the leadership debate and which look slightly anachronistic now (slightly?). There was an element of motion going to Paxman’s interviews with Clegg and then Cable; they both acquitted themselves well, but with his cold, Paxo didn’t seem to be trying.

When I wrote my review of the leadership debate with my effusive praise of Clegg, it was still with the slight expectation that since only about a quarter of the country would be watching and since in the days after the chancellor’s debate which Cable won hands down too the polling numbers stayed the same, I expected that we might pick up a couple of points, but people would still keep to their usual expectation that a Lib Dem vote was a wasted vote and that they’d stick with one of the two main parties.

You know the narrative from there. The wacky polls on Friday with massive numbers which turned out to be the product of voters who’d actually watched the debates and knew they were going to be asked. Then into yesterday polls from typical samples began to show and the Lib Dem numbers were higher but not steller, which it then transpired were from surveys taken before the debate and showed a manifesto surge. Now the real post debate numbers are appearing and well, we know the story of that:

LDEM 33%(+4), CON 32%(-1), LAB 26%(-3)

Liberal numbers which haven’t been this high for decades, Labour numbers lower than Michael Foot, the Tories holding steady. If this is just a flash in the pan, if by the end of the next week the hype will have died down and the Lib Dems have returned to their old stomping ground of 20% at least we have this moment to point to and show that we can be relevant.

Except, and this is why, quite frankly I’m brainfried, people with an opinion are suggesting that this may not be a flash in the pan, that these numbers may be sustainable. Anthony Wells at UK Polling Report thinks (and he isn't the only one) that they could well be if the “wasted vote” people switch back to their natural opinion and I’d add if the non-voters in a similar category make the time.

I’m under no illusions about this. The chances of the Lib Dems winning the election are slim unless they can start picking off the Labservative vote in greater numbers. Most projections suggest that the support is too diffuse and there aren’t enough true marginals to be relevant. This would have to be 1997 scenario with shell-shocked young Lib Dems picking off cabinet ministers and us asking each other the next morning if we were up for Milliband.

Both of the other two parties (it feels wrong to call them the “main parties right now) will be heading after the Lib Dems with greater force. We can already see the new Conservative strategy at work with there persistent suggestions that voters will change their tune when they scrutinise the “eccentric policies” going on to purposefully misrepresent those policies (see Bob Ainsworth fudging Trident yesterday morning).

Plus there’s two more leadership debates and Cameron and Brown are bound to be sharper having been rocked out of their complacency. The next, on Foreign Affairs will be a real test for Clegg, though his anti-war credentials and general internationalism (what’s the word for someone who speaks five languages?) may stand him in good stead.

And neither of the other leads will want to come across as bullies, the conundrum which faced John McCain and look what happened to him. I don’t think Gordon will be agreeing with Nick as much and David will cut back on the anecdotes but since those seemed to be the well honed strategies, both may come across as nervous as they try desperately not to fall back into those old modes and risk looking like fools.

The only problem may be that it’s on Sky News which, apart from the potential for bias in the moderation, means that many people will rely on clips (despite the reach of digital television people can’t seem to find the top of the dial). If he makes any major gaffs they’ll be repeated over and over and over again. It just depends on the narrative and how fair the media wants to be.

But as we’ve seen by the sudden appearance of Nick on the cover of newspapers (unthinkable before Thursday), there’s a buzz around him of the kind that sells newspapers or makes people visit websites; the last thing they may want to do is piss off their potential readership by suggesting their new golden boy is no good, a flash in the pan. We’re uncharted territory now.

So that could be my natural pessimism. For the electoral polling map to change overnight like this feels unprecedented and like 1997 there is something in the air. Search for Clegg or “Lib Dems” on Twitter and watch the general outpouring of good will; if that is being replicated in the real world, and the polls suggest it is, anything could happen.

Anything is possible.

Cue late career, but not Deborah yet, Debbie Gibson:



Yes, indeed.

the need to be thematically consistent

Life It was my third year at undergraduate university. Although in my second year I'd lived with the four horsewomen of the apocalypse, I was sharing a house in my final year with some good people – two trainee teachers, a post-grad doing something complicated about feminism with many words in its course title and another girl working on her languages. Although I suppose only some of us were really friends, the rest of us were at least civil towards one another and there were few arguments that I remember.

Of all of them, I felt closest to Anita, the girl on the language course. She had been an early substitution, our original housemate deciding (probably correctly) that working in her parents’ bakery was a better prospect than spending any more time at university. Anita was half English and half Tai, but could speak French, German and was studying Spanish to polish that off as well.

She also knew a smattering of Serb because her boyfriend was fighting a particular war that was happening at that particular time. She was the queen of the long phone call and often they would be conducted in at least three different languages and, depending on which household she was speaking to, they'd be mixed back and forth like she was some vocal DJ. Anita was fluent in them all which was either deeply impressive or depressing depending upon your mood.

Which makes Anita sound very heavy and potentially aloof. But she was massively down to earth (because of her mother I think). I was impressed when I first met her because she'd spent the previous year studying in Berlin and had been a tourist guide for Christo's wrapping of the German Reitstag. I sat for ten minutes as she described everything in great detail and somehow managed to make me the feel a sense of history being formed.

As the weeks and months passed she was just a great person to be around, so even as the group inevitably dissolved as people found friendships and relationships outside the household, she was the one person I really wanted to make time for and was disappointed when she couldn't make time for me. Some nights we'd play games together.

Board games – the kind you get at Christmas but can't be bothered playing because the instructions are too complicated. We'd go for walks just to talk things through when anything big had happened in the house which I hadn't been around for. As always I was within and without the situation that way – not close enough to the situation to be involved.

Some afternoons when we were supposed to be studying we'd sit in her bedroom, she'd have her guitar (she could do that as well) and she'd sing and I'd listen. I haven't had many perfect moments in my life. Top of the Eiffel Tower. Touchline at the Commonwealth Games. Finding out I'd got into University. Christmas.

But when I was sitting on the end of that bed, watching her sing – time seemed to stop. I was probably in love with her, although I didn't notice it that the time. Infatuated I might have thought, but only in that silly way when men get infatuated with women who pay them any attention. She was far too good for my low self esteem to handle anyway.

Then we sang together and for some reason my grump managed to chime with her soprano and didn't sound all that bad. And she had me sing. I don't remember what I sang (actually I do but I'd be embarrassed to say what, other than Alanis Morissette used to be the Canadian version of her, so yes, Debbie Gibson) but somehow it seemed to work. And we laughed and talked and she showed me poetry she'd written about her Serbian boyfriend, underlining for me the meaning of the word platonic. It was nothing really, a couple of hours and it was forgotten by us both within days. The year ended three months later and I never saw her again.

Three years later and I'm pining for University. In the intervening years I hadn't managed find a full time job and had somehow managed to end up working in the art gallery, libraries and universities researching art and art history. I was also working my way through a series of night classes, because somewhere in my being I felt the need to continuing learning.

After a few semesters studying creative writing I decided that the next step would be acting (which doesn't really follow I know but I think I'd been watching 'In The Bleak Midwinder' and decided that the actor's life was in fact for me). The first week had mostly been improvisations. I remember a plane crash and a beach being involved. At the start of the following week's session, the twenty of us who were left marvelled as the tutor told stories of who else had shuffled through the course, including one Melanie C of The Spice Girls.

That week was to be about storytelling. The tutor asked for volunteers to describe their perfect day. When none were forthcoming he chose people. He selected Lisa the attractive paralegal who was sitting directly opposite. She was from across the Mersey and I think everyone had noticed her before. Her story was about how she had asked her abrasive husband for a divorce in the exact spot, near a duckpond in a park, where he had proposed to her a few years before. There was a majesty to it; she still loved him but it was just too much.

And then the finger pointed to me. In a position like that you feel the need to be thematically consistent. As the trainee actors looked at me, my mind began to race searching for something which if not actually as good as the story I'd just heard at least had a similar passion. There were choices. Ways to go. But they all felt wrong somehow, like I couldn't do them justice. Then Anita popped into my head. I talked about the house, about the friendships around her. Then I talked about that afternoon, on her bed, and that perfect moment for me as I'd watched her sing.

I looked around the room as I described what had happened, this little moment which seemed so long ago, and I realised they were listening. Not just being polite but actually listening. This hadn't happened before. Not in front of a group this big. It felt weird and strange and good. As the story drew to its anti-climax they started to ask questions. Primarily they wanted to know what had happened between Anita and me. They all wanted us to get together somehow and that she had been the love of my life.

Inadvertently, in the way I'd described it, how I'd embellished the emotion, they'd decided that something else must have happened. How could it not? How could it not? In telling the story I'd somehow come to terms with what hadn't happened and because I'd interested all these people I hardly knew in something which had been relatively fleeting and didn't mean all that much, except for me, in there somewhere my self-esteem took a few steps upward. Then I wondered if anything could have happened in the few weeks between her breaking up with the Serbian and falling for the Frenchman. If I hadn't thought of her as been unattainable because I wasn't possibly as good as she was, if I'd thought better of myself … could we have?

Two years later and I was sitting on the News Tribune, in the main stand, watching the Netball at the Commonwealth Games in Manchester. After two years of build up, training courses and interviews and plenty of travelling I'd been given a position in the Press Room at the Manchester Evening News Arena. The journalism night school course had finally paid off. I was with a group of people of varying backgrounds from even farther afield than I commuted each day and they just loved being there.

More than that in the few brief days we'd been together we'd banded together as a group really well. All of the unspoken things both work related or otherwise, the shorthand which usually takes years to build up in a 'normal' situation seemed to develop mimetically. And I felt part of the group, actually within it, not on the outside which had happened so many times as far back as that third year house at university. I was making the effort and it was working.

Everyone liked being on The Tribune (over the actual press room or the photography bench on the touch line). It allowed you to watch the games, meet the media as you passed the results out (ooh look it's Diane Oxbury from NorthWest Tonight!) and more importantly it was only place you could sit and talk without really being interrupted (mostly). It was in these moments we would giddily say that this was the best group of people we'd worked with and how we wished we could take each other to our next job. It was difficult not to gush. As with all groups there were some people you would get on better with than others and has always been the case throughout my life I was hanging about with the girls more. It just felt more comfortable.

This particular afternoon I was sitting with Maggie. To be honest I can't tell you much about Maggie other than she lived in the Manchester area and she was just trying to find a job after leaving college and she had a boyfriend. It was an artificial closeness within the group, I suppose now. We didn't learn all that much 'back story' about one another. The one thing I do remember is how much Maggie reminded me of Anita. Like Anita, Maggie somehow understood my sarcasm and misunderstanding for comic effect.

Apropos of nothing, as always happened in these bitty conversations between quarters she mentioned that she thought I was quite a confident person and how relaxed I'd been. I told her it hadn't always been the case. That I'd always had a reasonably low self esteem. But that one night, when I was doing an acting class at University I'd been asked to tell a story about my perfect day and … suddenly the telling of one story had become another story about something else, and in telling it this time I had seen how far I'd come.

I wanted to mention that as well, but the third quarter of the match between Canada and Sri Lanka broke the bubble in the middle of a sentence I would never get back to because statistics got in the way. Just like Anita I never saw Maggie again, but that's what these temporary friendships are like – they're there when you need them and over before they get boring. The trouble is that you can go through life knowing a lot of people not very well.

Over five years ago, in 2004, my friend Suw asked me to submit a guest blog for Chocolate and Vodka her online home. She said I could write about anything and I ended up talking about Anita, about the acting class and about Maggie, these moments when this story has perpetuated itself and how each time it has given me pause for thought. It seemed like the only thing I could write about, that it should be about storytelling, and that's what you've just been reading. A guest blog repatriated.

As I said then, for some reason even the smallest stories about nothing in particular can have a way of perpetuating themselves and becoming something else because of the way they're told and who they're being told to. For some people they're a way of comparing who they were then to where they are now. I suggested that in writing this, I learnt all kinds of things about myself and I'd no doubt talk about those when I inevitably ended up mentioning to someone about the time I did some guestblogging for a friend. Once I'd explained to them what a blog was, and why I would be writing someone else’s.

Now (almost) everybody knows what a blog is. I met Suw not long afterwards and she was the first fellow blogger I sat opposite in a meal eating capacity. During that day we spent in Birmingham it felt like we the only two speakers of some foreign language. It's not like that any more. I know many of the people who are reading this, because they've told me, because I've made eye and verbal contact with them, at work and elsewhere. For some of us lifers, that has been difficult to come to terms with. But surprisingly, at least for me, it hasn't.

In 2004, when I originally wrote about Anita, about the acting class and about Maggie it seemed like no one was reading (even though Suw and her massive audience did) because with exception of email contact, online friendships, they weren't people I know. Now many people I've actually met could potentially be glancing through this and that's transformed these stories again, though oddly, not in the telling but the reading. That should be scary, but it isn't. As I discovered in that acting class, it's always better to know that you're telling your story to someone who's listening, than to no one at all.

But I was alone.

London Time to write about what happened in London when I wasn’t on the plinth. Readers who yawned at my interminable Stratford-Upon-Avon story will be pleased to know that I’ve decided that on this occasion brevity is the soul of wit and to deliberately give the following short shrift. This is just the tip of a massive ice-cube but I enjoyed myself so much that on this occasion I don’t want to spoil things by over analysing. Not everything in life means something. Some things. Some things which happened on this trip in fact, but not everything. For the interested, if I learnt anything in those three days, it’s that London can be a beautiful, exciting, kinetic, energetic place but which I can imagine can also be a dark, scary, lonely isolating condition if you’re not careful, and don’t have the kind of personality which can fight against it.

The J W Waterhouse exhibition at the Royal Academy of Arts has been greeted with some rather sniffy one star reviews from the (as it turns out) unpopular press and it has to be said, as I passed between rooms, between bursts of the audio tour, I did hear some so-called art experts deconstructing the works, casting about for as many synonyms for ‘kitsh’ as they could find. Of course, even though I appreciate this stuff isn’t to everyone’s taste, they’re wrong. Apart from the skill in Waterhouse’s execution in producing these scenes, his ability to create drama and surrealism is astounding. Take St Eulalia (1885) in which the martyr lies slain on the snow covered floor as the populace look on in horror, her naked form both sensuous and horrible at the same time. That’s a pattern repeated throughout the exhibition in which your male gaze is focused where you’d expect and then suddenly you find yourself blinking when as you realise what the painting is really about.

If there’s one repeated feature of my visits to museums and art galleries in the North West, it’s that the designated Waterhouse in a given collection is always on loan and the retrospective is one of the reasons. Sure enough, in amongst the pieces borrowed from the Tate, the Royal Collection and Tim Rice, there was (amongst others) Psyche Opening the Door into Cupid’s Garden from the Harris Museum in Preston and Destiny from Towneley Hall in Burnley. Also on show were a couple of pieces from National Museums Liverpool so familiar it was like greeting an old friend in unusual surroundings (not the only time that happened during the trip) as well as Hylas and the Nymphs in which Hercules’s companion is seduced by seven identical young ladies which I had a poster on my wall during my teenage years. Yes, indeed. But keep in mind I also had Kylie and Debbie Gibson up there too. I was post-pubescently conflicted.

Also presently at the Royal Academy is the Summer Exhibition, a show so volumous that you could easily spend a day looking around. I allotted myself about half an hour (first day, tight schedule), hardly enough time to absorb much of anything. At one point I found myself staring at a dyptic of canvases, primary colours and wavy lines. There was something very curious, very impressive, very interactive about it, despite it simply being a two dimension object. I wanted to tell somebody. But I was alone. After a while, two rather elegantly dressed women stood just behind my shoulder. One of them looked familiar but I didn’t think much of it then. I heard them trying to interpret what they were seeing. Of course I immediately thought of this classic scene from Doctor Who:



After a bit I turned to them:

“Would you like to know how this works?” I said.
”Pardon?”
”Would you like to know how this works?”
“How do you know?”
”I just know.” I tried to create a twinkle in my eye. I didn’t, but then I’m not David Tennant.
“How does it work?”
“If you stare at the wavy lines for long enough the image is imprinted in your eyes, then if you look right new colours emerge…” They really did.
“Ooooh.” They said in unison, “Thank you we’ll try that…”

I strolled away. Then I thought about whether it is a good idea to bother fellow patrons in art galleries like that and who the lady reminded me of. Moments later I realised. It was Eleanor Bron. The Eleanor Bron who made the cameo with John Cleese in Doctor Who all those years ago. I've checked my memory against the internet, and found this photograph. It was definitely her. Blimey.