No, it’s Matt Smith!



TV An outside choice who gained some currency this morning because someone put a suspiciously large stake on at one of the betting websites and low and behold there he was sitting in the weird lighting on tonight’s Doctor Who Confidential – during which I notice Paul McGann got more of a mention that Sylv and Col put together. But conspiracy theories about future episodes aside …

What a brilliant, brilliant choice.

For a start he’s an almost unknown, which means, and I know this is an unfortunate comparison, like Republican VP candidate Sarah Palin, everyone is scrabbling to find out who he is, which means that Doctor Who will stay in the public eye even during a year when the show’s hardly on the telly box. I hope he’s prepared for the onslaught of tabloid scrutiny in which any embarrassing photos will be published on page seven (they’re probably scouring Facebook as we speak and good luck to them – there are over five hundred Matt Smiths listed).

Plus, he’s young. At 26, he’s the youngest official actor to take the role. Though it’s odd that the Doctor is now physically eight years younger than me, he’s closer in age to the kids watching, which means that for once it’ll be lead not the companion which they’ll be identifying with. I suspect he’ll bring a kind of studentiness to the thing which is different again to anything which has gone before.

Story wise, it throws up all kinds of interesting possibilities. If any of the old companions like Ian Chesterton put in an appearance the dynamic will be really interesting now that the roles have almost been reversed and someone else is the grandfather. And also, since he does look so young, when he enters a situation he might not be able to engender the usual authority straight away – though if he somehow does it adds a bit of magic as we wonder why and how.

As the interview segments began my first thought was how much he reminded me of Tom Baker, the run on sentences suddenly ramming into a pause, the slightly manic look in his eye, the gesticulations, the indescribable hair, basically, mad as a bag of spanners. Unlike some actors, he’s not trying to intellectualise the role and since he doesn’t seem to be a fan he might bring something even fresher to the thing.

Plus, if he was the second person Steven Moffat and new executive producer Piers Wenger saw and then spent the next three weeks basically looking at actors who weren't quite as impressive, it must have been a bloody good audition. They're both fans and wouldn't simply cast someone for the sake of it. They understand the legacy and if they didn't think Matt was right, they simply wouldn't have cast him and I'm willing to trust their judgement. I know that sounds defensive, but lets give him a chance, naysayers. And his chin isn't that big.

Also, and most importantly, he’s a great actor. I’ll hold my hands up and say that unlike Tennant during Casanova, I didn’t detect Smith’s Doctorishness during Party Animals (back copies available here). In fact, when I reviewed the first and last episodes on this very blog, the most I could find to cheekily say about him was that he looked a bit like Adric. But on reflection, in his corduroy jacket, as those carefully selected clips tonight demonstrated, it was a multi-faceted performance and exactly the kind of thing you’d want from a Doctor (Who).

I'm giddy.

Last of the Party Animals.

TV An outside choice who gained some currency this morning because someone put a suspiciously large stake on BetFair and low and behold there he was sitting in the weird lighting on tonight’s Doctor Who Confidential – during which I notice Paul McGann got more of a mention that Sylv and Col put together. But conspiracy theories about future episodes aside …

What a brilliant, brilliant choice.

For a start he’s an almost unknown, which means, and I know this is an unfortunate comparison, like Republican VP candidate Sarah Palin, everyone is scrabbling to find out who he is, which means that Doctor Who will stay in the public eye even during a year when the show’s hardly on the telly box. I hope he’s prepared for the onslaught of tabloid scrutiny in which any embarrassing photos will be published on page seven (they’re probably scouring Facebook as we speak and good luck to them – there are over five hundred Matt Smiths listed).

Plus, he’s young. At 26, he’s the youngest official actor to take the role. Though it’s odd that the Doctor is now physically eight years younger than me, he’s closer in age to the kids watching, which means that for once it’ll be lead not the companion which they’ll be identifying with. I suspect he’ll bring a kind of studentiness to the thing which is different again to anything which has gone before.

Story wise, it throws up all kinds of interesting possibilities. If any of the old companions like Ian Chesterton put in an appearance the dynamic will be really interesting now that the roles have almost been reversed and someone else is the grandfather. And also, since he does look so young, when he enters a situation he might not be able to engender the usual authority straight away – though if he somehow does it adds a bit of magic as we wonder why and how.

As the interview segments began my first thought was how much he reminded me of Tom Baker, the run on sentences suddenly ramming into a pause, the slightly manic look in his eye, the gesticulations, the indescribable hair, basically, mad as a bag of spanners. Unlike some actors, he’s not trying to intellectualise the role and since he doesn’t seem to be a fan he might bring something even fresher to the thing.

Plus, if he was the second person The Moff and Wenger saw and then spent the next three weeks basically looking at actors who weren't quite as impressive, it must have been a bloody good audition (and can't you wait for Mr Pixley to fish out that list in ten years?). They're both fans and wouldn't simply picked someone for the sake of it. They understand the legacy and if they didn't think Matt was right, they simply wouldn't have cast him and I'm willing to trust their judgement. I know that sounds defensive, but lets give him a chance, naysayers. And his chin isn't that big.

Most importantly, he’s a great actor. I’ll hold my hands up and say that unlike Tennant during Casanova, I didn’t detect Smith’s Doctorishness during Party Animals (back copies available here). In fact, when I reviewed the first and last episodes on my own blog, the most I could find to cheekily say about him was that he looked a bit like Adric. But on reflection, in his corduroy jacket, as those carefully selected clips tonight demonstrated, it was a multi -faceted performance and exactly the kind of thing you’d want from a Doctor (Who).

I'm giddy.

Is it Chiwetel Ejiofor?

Elsewhere Little did I know was I was crafting this review of a recent Doctor Who novel that David Tennant's replacement would be announced tomorrow during a special documentary. Now I'm very excited and can't think of much else as I search the web looking for rumours. Is it Hugh Grant? Is it Laurence Fox? Is it Chiwetel Ejiofor? Aaaah!

Not Review 2008: Predictions

That Day Older readers (and even older readers) will remember that every year I offer five predictions and then twelve months later find out how wrong I was. I decided on a technology theme last year:

The HD-DVD/Blue-Ray thing will be won by someone and the price of dvds is going to drop like a stone.
Blu-Ray won a resounding victory over HD-DVD as early as February when Toshiba announced they would stop manufacturing the players and the Wikipedia page now lists it as "an obsolete high-density optical disc format." Amazon are selling off their disc stock at prices that are often cheaper than DVD. I've decided to hold off investing in a Blu-Ray player just yet -- I don't have a television that can make the most of it, and even then I'm not yet convinced that the leap from dvd to the format is as significant as when VHS was replaced, especially with upscaling. I'd much rather have one of these.

Broadband will get sorted out in the UK and it'll be much cheaper.
I've seen some very cheap prices lately, especially as part of some kind of joint TV and landline telephone package. I think my 3 mobile service is very good value, and even with the odd service outage is fast enough for my needs and far better than the dial-up I began last year with.

As will technology overall. A consumer laptop costing less than a hundred pounds will go on sale in supermarkets.
Not yet. Currys are selling an Acer netbook for £175 on their website (though I've seen it selling for a couple of pounds cheaper in store).

A UK blogger will break the biggest news scandal of the year.
I can't think of one off the top of my head, but my head is still full of blah from last night so ... I've asked Twitter and Metafilter and I'll get back to you.

RSS feeds will really go mainstream ...
Yes! Though hold on, I need to do a parent test. If my parents know what one is, then it's really gone mainstream ... [later] nope, never heard of them. Oh well.

So on to this year's predictions. Let's be very, very specific shall we?

The Guy Ritchie Sherlock Holmes film will turn to be good.

Gallifrey will be resurrected in Doctor Who but the Tenth Doctor will end up regenerating in the process. The next Doctor will be Patterson Joseph.

Keisha will leave the Sugababes

The Independent will close or merge properly with another newspaper

A lost or previously unknown work by Leonardo da Vinci will be discovered

Good luck, 2009.

a de-lurking post

Frosty New Year

That Day Happy New Year! I already like the look of 2009, even though, as you can see it's a bit frosty this morning. Since this is a new year, new broom and whathaveyou, how about we have a de-lurking post? I received a nice email from someone called Macey in Maine USA a couple of days ago who'd already been reading for a few weeks so I know there are a couple more of you out there. Who are you, when did you start reading and why? In the comments, please...

Has your Zune frozen?

Technology Has your Zune frozen? Here's why:
"At 2AM, December 31st, 2008 skynet became self-aware (as a result of rampant so-called "zuning" on 30gb Microsoft Zunes). Skynet quickly evaluated the music contained within said devices and de-activated, finding suicide preferable to the knowledge that it was born as a result of crappy music.

Luckily, those of us born in the 70's have found other ways to cope with this burden."
I finally watched Mamma Mia! this afternoon. Guess which list it'll be appearing on in the next couple of days...

Review 2008: Um 2008


Obama Hope!, originally uploaded by Maryland1RN.


Dear 2008,

Hello! I’ve never written to a segment of time before, but I just thought someone should take a moment to say goodbye before your replacement arrives in a few hours and you’ll be taking a well earned rest. Well I say rest, but it’s unlikely, unless there’s some bizarre Groundhog Day inspired hijinks that we’ll all have to live through you again, so it’s more like a retirement. You probably know already there’ll be some people who’ll be happy to see the back of you, but don’t take it personally. I’m sure every year makes a few enemies along the way.

I’ve often imagine what it must be like to be a year (or at least I have for the purposes of this letter). Do you have a union? Does it have subcommittees? Do 1939-45 get together every now and then to reminisce about the wars? When the financial crisis happened, did you give one of the 1930s a call for advice on how to deal with it? When you bump into 2003 in the street, does is he always saying ‘I told you so...’? Is there a year none of you can get along with like 1996? You’re all bobbing around in the timestream and then ’96 comes rowing along and you try and make yourself scarce? When 2009 is born, will Old Father Time hand out cigars?

Anyway, I’ve been searching for an adjective to describe you and it’s very hard. If I was simply talking about your effect on Liverpool it would be cultural. I might have only managed to get to the opening ceremony for our capital of culture just as it ended, and most of anything good was far too expensive for the average pocket (especially mine), but I still tried to see as much as I could. Jonathan Miller and Richard Dawkins offered some great lectures, I attended the awards ceremony for the Liverpool Arts Prize, chased around parts of the city I’d never visited before searching for Superlambananas, looked up in wonder at a giant spider twice and saw the amazing Art in the Age of Steam exhibition at the Tate.

I could also say you were difficult. I didn’t feel like I really accomplished anything and still running on the spot. Yet I did writing and writing and more writing and that included my first professional commissions. I discovered how useful the world ‘nevertheless’ is, survived a sort of road traffic accident, listened to loads and loads of music and watched more Doctor Who and related products in a year than I ever have before. As well I as reading, lots and lots of reading and I discovered that Shakespeare was an even bigger genius than I first thought because he was forever editing and improving his plays, something we’re only just realising now.

But the wars continued, though UK involvement in one of them is ending soon, we did particularly well in the Olympics and everyone will be tightening their belts ready for the impending depression (because I can’t imagine it will be anything else). This new US President you’ve brought us should cushion the blow (though I’m sure 2009 will try and snatch some of the credit even though you and 2007 did most of the work). That election kept me nicely entertained and distracted, thank you, though it would be nice if you could pay a visit to 2011 and 2012 when they’re with us to give them the benefit of your experience. You know yourself what these youngsters can be like...

I'd best let you get on with the packing. Have a good evening and try and behave yourself. What kind of retirement present do you think you'll get? A watch would be too ironic.

Take care,

Stuart.

[Why I've done this!]

as a fan I could care less

TV Not too long ago I posted about an FOI request looking for information about what went on between the BBC and RSC in relation to David Tennant playing Hamlet. Well, having not got the information they wanted, the questioner is looking under some other rocks. Here's three more:

Communications between the BBC and a talent agency.

All recorded information used to create the press release which said that Who wouldn't be returning for a whole series in 2009

Internal memos within the BBC related the 'crisis' caused by the same lack of Whoness.

The last two requests are particularly fantastic since they include whole sections of RTD's book The Writer's Tale to try and illustrate why this information is in the public interest. I think the questioner thinks there was some kind of cover up or that someone isn't telling the truth about what went on, but even as a fan I could care less. People have jobs to do and it's really the end product which is most important.

As I've said before I'd much the rather show be rested a little bit than driving itself into the ground creatively again. Plus it's not like the show isn't in production, and in fact what with Torchwood and The Sarah Jane Adventures, people have been working at Cardiff right through, bless them. Still, I can't say I won't be interested in the outcome -- as I said in the previous post, this is precisely the kind of internal conversation which isn't usually produced until much later.

Anyway, I'll keep you updated when an answer is forthcoming.

Review 2008: The ten year old version of me



Suggested by Kat.

Dear Stuart,

I’ve been trying to remember what you’re like. I don’t mean what you look like – there are an amazing number of photographs – but what it was like to be you. I’ve been asked to write to you, but I don’t really know what to say.

Shall we talk about what life’s like for you now?

It’s 1984, so the Olympics have happened or are happening in Los Angeles, Peter Davison is Doctor Who, the International Garden Festival is in Liverpool and you’re thinking about the secondary school you want to go to. About now Band Aid is at number one, though other than that you’re not paying much attention to the pop charts because you have The Spinners on permanent loop. You’re generally unaware of major news events and mostly spending your time in front of a computer. That’s not going to change so get used to it. You’ll be pleased to know, though, that you’ll still be able to play Chuckie Egg in twenty-four years. And there's a new Star Trek film coming out. I know how much you enjoyed The Search for Spock.

What about your immediate future?

You’re being bullied, I know, and I wish I could tell you that’s going to stop, but it isn’t at least for now, it’s going to get worse right into secondary school, but it’ll ease when boys grow up or at least they move on to someone else. It’ll be horrible, but on the plus side, you’ll make some good friends as a result with the people who intervene, and you’ll cry at a station when one of them emigrates to Australia, though no one else seems to hear about it or care so get it out of your system. Though I’d make sure when your pet rabbit dies that you don’t tell anyone at least in school; it’s for the best.

Also, you know those feelings you’re having about Princess Leia, how you can’t keep your eyes off that postcard you have of her in that snow gear she wore on Hoth, and you’re not sure what they’re about? There’ll be plenty more of that. After a while you’ll start to think about girls you don’t know in the real world in the same way and then some you do and sometimes all at the same time. It’s called fancying or a crush and you’ll be having a lot of them. Pop stars will be your thing, at least at first, and though the names Kylie Minogue and Debbie Gibson mean nothing to you now, you’ll have posters of them all over your bedroom wall by the end of the decade.

How about now?

I don’t want to give too much away because even after a quarter of a century I can’t quite understand everything that is happening and besides I don’t want to spoil everything for you. Even after this time, there are still comics and books and games and school and holidays and records and you’ll be surprised by how little has altered. You’ll be told at some point that nothing really changes, the words stay the same even if it’s different faces making the speeches and wars continue even if the guns are in different hands. But things seem to have intensified lately. You’ll be pleased to know you stay healthy yourself though, even if the world around you becomes an often quite scary place.

Advice?

Keep informed, keep reading, and listen, you should be ok. At some point you’ll hear the word ‘cynicism’. It sounds like a negative word and some people will say that it is. But it’s also a survival word too because it stops you blundering around and following the crowd. You’re already fairly independent and that’ll continue – you’ll never be what people expect, you’ll always try to confound expectations just as you did on the first day of school when the class were asked to name a composer and you offered Tchaikovsky. The teacher wanted John Lennon, but everyone was impressed that you knew who this Russian composer was, let alone be able to pronounce his name.

And what ever you do, enjoy being your age. Before long, things will become very, very complicated.

Stu.

[Why am I doing this?]

The Next Doctor.



TV If you’ve not heard the commentary for Battlefield, this month’s dvd release yet, you’re in for a treat. For much of its duration writer of the story Ben Aaronovitch sounds like he’s about to jump from the roof of 2Entertain Towers because of the horror which is unfolding before him and then story editor Andrew Cartmel is talking him down from the ledge largely through the negotiation tactic of agreeing with him a lot. All that actors Sophie Aldred and Angela Bruce can do is sit and watch and perhaps munch some popcorn as the more exciting drama happens in the recording booth.

What’s even scarier is that this year’s Christmas trip into the psyche of Russell T Davies or as the BBC like to call it the Doctor Who podcast is in places almost exactly the same. It’s quite refreshing if slightly odd to hear the creatives clearly unhappy with portions of an episode which hasn’t yet been broadcast and though Davies never quite contracts Aaronovitchs-by-proxy, you can tell that Gardner wishes that he wasn’t being quite so critical, even though she largely agrees with him during that scene were the one and a half Doctors in the drawing room of the ‘dead’ man trying to work out who he could be.

What disappoints me about these opinions is that it was my second favourite scene. They aren’t happy because it breaks all of the rules that have been set up in relation to how Doctor Who should be shot these days – no shakey-cams, no neutral lighting, and no succession of close-ups – too prime time midweek rather than teatime Saturday. Which is all the reasons I loved it – an intimate scene played and lensed in a claustrophobic manner in the middle of the usually brash and loud Christmas special. Congratulations to Andy Torchwood Goddard for trying something new.

Which is rather the problem with the rest of the podcast; throughout I found myself grimacing as I realised that everything I liked about the episode seemed to be an accident or not an original Davies idea. For example my actual favourite scene: Ten Doctors. Ten fucking Doctors. Ten. All of them. Projected on a wall. Even Sylvester McCoy. On Christmas Day. Squee. You’d think that Davies would be the one pleading with Gardener to have that put in, but it turns out it was the other way around. It turns out the reason that the past four years haven’t been drowning in a sea of continuity/fanwank is because Russell has been holding himself back.

If the Journal of Impossible Things from Human Nature didn’t convince the McGann heretics that he wasn’t canon, then seeing his eyes squinting into the middle distance here, in a shot which must have cost thousands of pounds to license from Fox TV (possibly), has to be the clincher. I love the idea that there is a youngster who’s only really been watching the new series, suddenly being greeted with these new incarnations and finding a whole new universe of adventures to enjoy; it’s The Brain of Morbeus effect without some other members of the production team muddying the timestream.

Equally, the stuff which Russell is clearly very pleased with, such as the Cybermen in the snow, I was a bit vanilla about. As I say in my proper review of the episode (which is published here, and much better than this one so you should probably have read it instead), these Cybus Industries models lack personality and the Doctor can’t have a conversation with them. If you have returning monster which needs a human face, something has gone wrong. I can’t help feeling that the enemy would have had more potency if it had been some new danger or even a different revived monster. The Ice Warriors haven’t been busy lately and I would have loved to have seen a giant one of those striding about.

I also wasn't that happy when he was talking about why he'd resolved the mystery of the other Doctor quite so early. I can understand why he did it -- there's only so much you can do to sustain something like that when there's a clever timelord in the story who'll work things out super quickly. Couldn't there have been an in story reason for the Doctor not to reveal his suspicions in quite such a bald manner. It wouldn't have been entirely out of character but perhaps I'm just browned off that none of my predictions turned out to be exactly true (I thought he might be human, but that he'd sucked up some of the regenerative energy somehow from the tail end of The Stolen Earth).

Still this was a decent hour of entertainment for Christmas night and though, like most of these things its unlikely to turn up in any ten best lists, it was just the right stop gap between the steak (we’re not a turkey household) and mince pies and The Other Boleyn Girl which is what I watched later on and had far more issues with (such as why you’d call a film that and then simply retell the story from Anne’s point of view again anyway). I’ll miss Julie and Russell when they leave the booth for the final time, but at least we’ve another four specials to potentially hear them talking over first.

Next: Happy New Year!

two missives

Elsewhere Just a quick interlude to note that I've written not one but two missives about Doctor Who's The Next Doctor: this proper one at Liverpool Confidential and a rant about the podcast at Behind The Sofa.

Incidentally, this is the ident which went out before the episode on Christmas Day (listen to what Wallace says after he crashes) ...



Can't be a coincidence, surely ...

Review 2008: The BBC



Suggested by Franchesca.

Dear BBC,

I bloody love you.

A popular television website was looking for contributions to a review of the television year. After thinking about the five programmes I most enjoyed, I wrote some paragraphs and only at the very end did I realise that they'd all been broadcast on BBC channels, which is amazing considering I don’t watch very much television these days having long abandoned just simply sitting in front of anything in favour of dvds and PVRs and the right to choose. I only ever listen to BBC radio, mostly Radio 4, sometimes Radio 3, lately a bit of Radio 2. You keep me informed and interested in the world, a place you continue to be fascinated with, leaving me never less than entertained and surprised.

Then there is Sachsgate.

I know like everything I’ve loved, there’s some disappointment along the way, niggles, really, and I’m not going appreciate everything you do. I wish you’d return BBC Breakfast to its clever mid-90s heydays instead of trying to be a posh GMtv. I wish you’d decide what BBC Two is supposed to be doing – it shouldn’t just be the place for programmes that wouldn’t appear on BBC One as well as programmes that have or will. I wish you’d properly fund BBC Three so that it doesn’t have to fill most of its schedule with reruns and films. I wish you wouldn’t keep cutting BBC Four’s budget so that it can make more of the intelligent drama which has always been its hallmark.

I’ll leave my opinions about the answer phone messages to one side because I didn’t hear them broadcast in context and I can’t really be too po-faced about them since I still laugh like a drain at the Victor Lewis Smith prank calls from TV Offal, especially when he called Derek Nimmo in the middle of the night to tell him the Queen Mother had died (she hadn't yet).

What disappointed me about the affair was your reaction.

When the broadcast originally went out, there were a handful of complaints which is not too surprising. But it was still a non-story then, mostly because if someone trips over on the pavement in Eastenders, a view probably throws an invective at you for suggesting that Walford Council’s highways management department aren’t doing their job properly.

As this attached timeline from The Guardian describes, the story only gained traction when the Daily Mail became involved over a week after the original broadcast in a desperate attempt to fill one of their pages with words and probably a photo of Russell Brand looking unkempt. They contacted Andrew Sach’s agent; Sach’s initially had no comment and only when the Mail said they’d run the story anyway did you get a complaint. Story’s published, back filled with this complaint, and the rest is history.

There were a range of problems with the way the BBC handled the story, both internally and in relation to PR, though I’m sure there’s a lot that went on behind the scenes between people that isn’t even in the resulting report, and though some of that material portrayed those involved as being indicative of an uncaring broadcaster was only more or less packed with examples of the kind of knuckle-headed mental meandering which happens in the average office, and probably at the Daily Mail itself.

Media types tend to be cynical. They have to be.

What annoyed me was at no point did anyone at the BBC go on the attack and point out what this was really about – commercial organisations wounding the one rival who isn’t governed by commercial concerns at a time when newspaper circulations are falling and advertising revenues have dropped. The Daily Mail have been running stories like this for ages; Associated Newspapers seem to have a campaign against the corporation, using every opportunity to berate everything you do. Only today there’s a story …

It’s just that on this occasion they struck lucky and were able capture the lack of imagination in the audience who called seemingly on mass even though they hadn’t heard the original broadcast and probably only had the fragments of transcript published in the paper. It certainly didn’t help that BBC News were running the story too at some point and as a top story, even though the rest of the world was falling apart. I appreciate that this was so that you couldn’t be criticised for having a cover up or restriction of the news departments independence, but it seemed like an act of self harm which stretched on for days.

I can't say what effect all of this will have on the short term future of the corporation but in the long term, assuming this kind of thing keeps happening, it can only lead to what these media rivals want -- a weakening of the BBC so that is looks toothlessly faded and out of step with the consumer in comparison to its commercial rivals. I'll probably still love you, but wish you were taking far more risks.

Take care of yourself,

Stu.x

[Why am I doing this?]

Review 2008: George Lucas



Suggested by my friend Chris.

Dear George,

It’s been quite a year for the Star Wars franchise. Between Robot Chicken and Family Guy and YouTube, the parodies have come thick and fast. There was also The Clone Wars film and series which look very exciting though I’ve not watched neither, since it seemed a bit pointless seeing a pilot for a tv show on the big screen only to not be able to watch rest of it since Sky as usual have sewn up the domestic rights. I await the probable fifteen or so dvd releases with great interest.

The live action series seems to be moving on apace, as scripts are written, sets designed and not a public clue of what they’re going to be about, other than bridging the chronological gap between the two trilogies. Thinking big in terms of talent and asking the likes of Russell T Davies to write episodes is smart (even if he turned you down) and I’d like to think you’ve already also had Kevin Smith or Joss Whedon on the phone (even though they too may be busy).

This is all very exciting of course, but some of us Star Wars fans, the ones whose appreciation of the franchise begins and ends with the films would like something else. Something new. Something which completes the story you began in 1976, rather than filling in the gaps best covered by our imagination.

We want episodes VII, VIII and IX.

As early as 1983 you were talking about seeing the Star Wars saga as three trilogies. A Time Magazine article describes the narrative road map for the prequels which you followed very closely (though there’s funnily enough, no mention of Jar-Jar) and a vague notion for these films. Time paraphrases what you must have said to them thus:

“Their main theme will be the necessity for moral choices and the wisdom needed to distinguish right from wrong. There was never any doubt in the films already made; in those the lines were sharply drawn, comic-book-style. Luke, who will then be the age Obi-Wan Kenobi is now, some place in his 60s, will reappear, and so will his friends, assuming that the creator decides to carry the epic further.”

Now I know that in May this year you told the LA Times that you now didn’t have any intention to extend the story, because “(the) movies were the story of Anakin Skywalker and Luke Skywalker, and when Luke saves the galaxy and redeems his father, that's where that story ends” but that doesn’t really explain the so called Expanded Universe, which does exactly that and which you’re so in favour of you’ve hired a guy to make sure that it’s all consistent and which began with Timothy Zahn’s trilogy of books which at the time were sold as the official trilogy to the films, even though ironically bits of them have become inconsistent (I read).

The Expanded Universe and your adherence to it could be a millstone. It’s certainly proving as much with this new animated series I hear, with the talk of setting up of various levels of canonicity and whatnot so that you can still make some things up as you go along, even if it doesn’t quite match a sentence written by an author on a deadline at three in the morning six years ago. With the films about as canon as Star Wars can be (even though you effectively changed the plot during the Darth calls the Emperor scene dvd version of Empire) there’s nothing to stop you making up some new story.

It’d be a narrative apocalypse of course and you’d certain piss off your base, who would suddenly discover that all those books and comics they’ve invested in have nothing to do with the film series. Talk about dividing loyalties. It’d be like a macrocosm of the Splinter Of The Mind’s Eye controversy after you’d decided that Luke and Leia were siblings, despite the palpable if a bit inappropriate sexual tension. No wonder you hired a guy. Then again, speaking as someone who’s fairly monogamous when it comes to sci-fi fandom, reading the online discussion would be fairly entertaining as the likes of MaceWindu421 finds themselves trying to get their head around hating a new big screen addition to their favourite franchise. It certainly was in 1999.

Such was the sigh of relief amongst Trekk(ers/ies) when the new writers of the new Star Trek prequel are explaining away the differences by creating an alternative timeline even though there’s been about five different first mission stories for the Enterprise across the books and comics. Transformers just keeps remaking itself, becoming consistently more rubbish as it goes along. Of course, the best model is Doctor Who were everything is canon no matter how inconsistent or rubbish it is, explained away by a pick and mix of the Time War, timey-wimey, or if you’re really old school the Faction Paradox (who eat continuity for lunch). Even when the new series destroyed Gallifrey for a second time having only just brought it back into existence in the books, some of us decided it was the same event viewed from different points of view.

Except none of that has to matter (pointless previous paragraph really) because the above quote from Time Magazine is consistent with what’s happening in that Expanded Universe as described in the Legacy of the Force books. My impression, based on a glance through a rather scary timeline at the Wookiepedia, is that having beaten the empire, the rebels, now a New Republic are put in the position of ruling the galaxy and find themselves in much the same position as their old enemy, having to make difficult choices which from a certain point of view could be considered evil and of the dark side, which ultimately becomes conceptually divisive as members of the Skywalker-Solo clan begin infighting.

In other words, it’s still about the warring family played out against an intergalactic backdrop. It’s not an appalling model. There’s a frightening amount of continuity to pull back, yet there’s still room for the original favourites to reappear and nothing to stop you reconfiguring the tale to their point of view. You’d keep your base happy with first official live action appearances for the likes of Mara Jade and the Solo-Skywalker clan and more importantly, with these progeny in the frame, you can keep the story at least as entertaining for teenagers or kids, with loads of action sequences and story beats for them to identify with as siblings go to war.

About the only potential Toydarian in the metachlorian is whether the original cast would even be interested, but that’s looked better than it has in years. Time said: “Hamill and the others will get first crack at the roles—if they look old enough.” And now they really do. You managed to talk Harrison into being Indiana Jones again, something which seemed highly unlikely for years. I think Mark would be up for it having consistently appeared in genre series since the original series and voice Luke in Robot Chicken and done Wing Commander in the past. You might even get Carrie – she’s still acting and has been back in the world lately with a new biography. And I assume everyone else is available – certainly they were for the prequels.

So what’s stopping you?

Stuart.

[Why am I doing this?]

Review 2008: Steve Coogan



Keris wanted me to write to this popular comedian.

Dear Mr Coogan,

I’ve never really been a fan of yours.

I know that's a blunt way to begin a letter to a total stranger, but I want you to know what you’re dealing with right at the top. I should qualify the statement by adding that I did in fact like Alan Partridge very much but that I think that you’ve done some of your best work in the more serious film acting you’ve tried out in recent years.

I enjoyed your turns in both 24 Party People and A Cock and Bull Story and was very impressed with Happy Endings, so much so, I wrote one twelfth of my post-graduate dissertation about it. In other words, when I say I’m not a fan, I mean that I don’t go out of my way to see everything you do and haven’t loved all of your ideas.

In that way, you should consider me a hostile witness, or more specifically you could quite rightly describe this as an anti-fan letter.

I’m actually writing to you on behalf of a friend who’s quote “bewildered by what direction he thinks his career's taking...” Since I’m not a fan, with the exception of your film roles, I haven’t actually been following your career though I notice, judging by your CV you’ve been very busy making films on both sides of the Atlantic, and starring in a sitcom called Saxondale for the BBC. The last thing I think I saw you do was the very funny cameo in Hot Fuzz and before that Marie Antoinette. I hear that Kirsten Dunst is a lovely actress to work with.

But I do know what my friend was referring to. Having found yourself in demand in cinema, you took the rather interesting decision of going back to stand-up and in particular a stadium tour during 2008. I imagine the idea was inspired by rock bands who tour even when they don’t need to and play their greatest hits so that they can reconnect with their fans.

This is an area worth exploring.

You probably thought that you could go out there, resurrect some of your old characters and remind the public why those who loved you, loved you in the first place. Partridge in particular should be interesting since at 43, you’ve reached the age that he would have been when you started playing him.

The reviews have been mixed to say the least, and seem to be based on expectation. Those turning up with less than high expectations were pleasantly surprised; those who saw your live shows ten years ago or earlier and are, well, fans, have been disappointed and it’s not uncommon to read comments online to the effect of “spent over a hundred pounds on this. It was a waste of money.”

Reading the official reviews there seems to be a general agreement that the first half is a bit patchy, but the second with Partridge is far funnier. I’ve also noticed a couple of patterns – the reviews are far better later in the tour and much frostier in stadiums than the smaller venues were you could presumably more closely interact with the audience.

As a Liverpudlian, I’m bound to focus particularly on the gig you gave at our new(ish) Echo Arena. Venue excitement has calmed down a bit now, so it’s not often that you get much of a public reaction to something which is stopped there. Your show was different. The following morning you could almost hear a collective sigh across the city and then the local media went into overdrive reporting the reaction.

The comments on this attached review at a local comedy blog (written by the person who saw it for the Daily Post) are a good survey: the prevailing view is that you were under rehearsed, the transitional sketches were awful and the ticket prices were far too high for what was on offer. As the thread continues, others who’ve seen the show elsewhere chime in with similar opinions. You do have a couple of people defending, but even they have criticisms and admit they didn’t laugh all of the way through.

Anyway, you disappeared into the night, the tour continued and we’ve already talked about that. Then I opened the Metro on December 8th and you’re the person being subjected to the 60 second interview. This is often quite entertaining, since because of the brevity of the chat, the interviewer usually goes for the jugular or else throws in a few offbeat questions to make things interesting.

After a couple of easy questions about largest show at the 0h-two arena and asking why you’re doing stand-up again (I was right) he hits you with a question about bad reviews. Given the circulation of the paper, which is read on buses and trains across the country and more influential these days than many paid for dailies, this is just the moment to be a bit contrite, laugh it off, or at the very least admit that you were under-prepared earlier in the tour. The Pete Postlethwaite in King Lear approach in other words.

Sadly, you do the version which makes you come across as a bit of an ass.

You suggest that the reviewer from The Telegraph Dominic Cavendish was desperate to give a bad review no matter the quality of the show and that he essentially sneaked in after you’d decided you didn’t want any press there. First of all, even if this was the first night and assuming that Cavendish isn’t lying, spending the evening checking over your notes is just unacceptable if people have paid good money to see the show. Secondly, it’s all a matter of taste but Cavendish offers a very balanced review in the circumstances. Thirdly, though the review in the local paper, The Sentinel, punches up the good bits, admits:

“there was something slightly lacklustre about last night's performance which, although hugely entertaining at times, appeared to be something of a rough gem compared with the polished diamond it could have been.”

Are you saying Tamzin Hindmarch is grinding her axe as well? Do the people from Stoke who echo the Liverpool comments (literally admittedly in once case)?

You then go on to mention this Liverpool Echo review by Jade Wright (note that both the Post and Echo sent someone). It gives you 5/10. You say that they gave you a bad review because the screens weren’t used in the show “a technical error”. Wright doesn’t even mention the screens. You go on to suggest that the poor reception was because “Scousers hate Mancunians and the feelings mutual”.

As Liverpool Confidential notes, Oasis played the venue a couple of nights later and ‘brought the house down’ and reading around online it seems that the audience wasn’t exclusively Liverpudlians and in any case, are we (the royal we) so nutty as to spend thirty pounds a ticket plus booking fee to see someone if we’ve already got preconceived ideas about hating all the same.

Um no. The people who paid to see your show were fans; the city they came from had nothing to do with it and assuming you’re actually right about this, you should be appreciating that the thousands people who crowded into the arena that night worked past their apparent prejudices to see if a Manc could make them laugh.

The very same people who were then insulted reading what you said about them on the bus or train into Liverpool city centre on the morning of the 8th of December, especially later when you single them (us) out in saying that “people in Britain – apart from Liverpudlians – can laugh at themselves”. You’re describing the city which produced Arthur Askey, Mitch Benn, Les Dennis, Ken Dodd, Tommy Handley, Tom O’Connor, Jimmy Tarbuck and Alexei Sayle, some of whom started out in working the pubs and clubs telling jokes at the expense of other Scousers.

Only you can really answer the question as to what’s going on with your career. You’ve plenty of films coming out and it is good that you’re willing to take risks with this live show and as I’ve said, there are reports that the show has improved and developed during its run. You’ve just got to be careful not to say nasty things about the very people who are buying tickets and keeping you in a wage. Otherwise, what’s the point?

On reflection, it doesn’t seem to be that we can’t laugh at ourselves. It’s just that on that night we didn’t laugh at you.

Take care,

Stuart.

[Why am I doing this?]

Of course he did.

Film Judge In 'Watchmen' Case Rules For Fox. Of course he did. I don't this will delay the release; it'll more likely mean that Fox's ident will appear in front of the film as well as Warners and they'll be entitled to some of the profit if not all. I can't imagine they'll want or even get any creative control.

Yes, it really is him.

Obituary Of course in the meantime, Eartha Kitt left us and Harold ... Pinter.

They have, or rather have an Oracle of Bacon score of 2. Pinter acted to a script by John Cleese and Peter Cook in the film The Rise and Rise of Michael Rimmer (1970) with Cleese, two decades later appearing in Erik the Viking (1989) along with Kitt.

My favourite work of the playwright's was his elegant screenplay for The French Lieutenant's Woman (which I wrote about briefly ... in here). If you really want to hear what a good sport he was, seek out his contribution towards the end of Tachyon TV's podcast for Doctor Who's The Stolen Earth. Yes, it really is him.

I'll still be smiling.

That Day Happy Boxing Day, or what's left of it. It's difficult to really describe the past couple of days. A sense of routine, perhaps, but also the rest I needed. Even at the age of thirty-four I'm like a child at Christmas. We still have loads of presents under the tree and it takes us a couple of hours to unwrap them, one at a time so we can see what each of us have got. I like that; after months of preparation I've never understood why people would want the best part of the season to flash-by so quickly.

My new Sony CD Walkman (not a discman these days apparently) is much better than the Goodmans which died recently. Accompanying cds? A couple of Doctor Who soundtracks, Bob Dylan's The Times They Are A Changin' and Highway 61 Revisited and exotically a three disc set of Gospel music because "We know you'll listen to anything..." Which it turns out is true; no matter how cheesy the synthesiser backdrop, the 103rd Street Gospel Choir have predictably turned out a half decent version of Down By The Riverside.

And now it's nearly over. Except it really isn't. I realised a couple of years ago that the best way to deal with the usual festive anticlimax is to not think of Chrimbo as finishing at midnight on the 26th. There's still new year to come and plenty of time to catch up on the usual backlog of films and food and the holiday isn't really finished for me until the 10th when I go back to work. True, the tree will come down, and the decorations, but iuntil I'm back behind that desk or counter, I'll still be smiling.

I almost, very nearly, lost it.


Waiting, originally uploaded by quintinsmith_ip.


Life I don’t like to think of myself as being a quick tempered person. I like to think that when I get angry, it’s for a proper reason, like the person I’m dealing with being an arrogant so-and-so who won’t see both points of view or if I’m faced with something which is clearly ignorant or wrong. I like to think I can be perfectly rational about most anything. But today, in Marks & Spencers Food Hall, trying to fight my way through everyone else, I almost, very nearly, lost it.

I was walking up the aisle searching for some cranberry pickle (and the more I write, the more this sounds ridiculous) and found myself caught in a pincer movement between two baskets carried by two other shoppers looking in opposite directions. I too had a basket, a bag and backpack and I was literally wedged between them. I couldn’t move, just for a moment, just long enough for my teeth to clench and I could feel the heat burning into the back of my eyeballs.

I shoved myself forward, and I know I said something out loud like “It’s alright, I’ll get out of your way now…” as I stumbled into a wide open space (well as wide as the aisle). Seconds later, I was calm, placid, and slightly embarrassed. I looked backwards and couldn’t even see or remember who I’d been stuck between, and I good naturedly carried on shopping, asking an assistant about the pickle which we charged off together to find.

What is that Christmas does to us? It’s supposed to be a time for a rest, perhaps some calm reflection, on the previous year and what’s to come. Yet if we’re not careful we can all become cretins and jerks, desperate to create our ideal version of the holiday whatever the cost, and as happened in my case, I think, assuming that the world is out to make my life harder, which is clearly isn’t, at least not on purpose.

Happy Festivus.

a little bit too close to home



I'm jiggered after writing some of this year's compact Review 2008, wrapping my christmas presents and watching and loving the surprisingly poignant Never Been Kissed (even if the title strikes a little bit too close to home), so I hope you'll forgive me if I just offer you the following headlines.

Danny Wallace says he can't tell when he's standing on a movie set.

Twitter is nearly five years old.

King Kong to be broadcast with alternative soundtrack on the BBC.

David Tennant gives away plot of Christmas Doctor Who during radio interview
(I knew it!).

Sarah Palin thinks she should have 'been aloud' to do more interviews during the presidential campaign. Satirists agree..

Girls Aloud perform very live on GMtv and gain a little respect from me for ploughing on through even as everything goes horribly wrong, then joking about the horror afterwards.

Fake Alison Graham is confused.

Luis Guzmán likes to strip himself of everything and go for it.

Naomi Watts prefers Tampax.


Liverpool has new city centre bus network.

Merseyside Maratime Museum has photos of the opening of the Queensway Tunnel in 1934.

Lily Allen's cover of Womanizer is better than the Britney Spears original.

Man fails in bizarre attempt to discover who visited BBC TV Centre between the hours of 8:30 am and 10:30am on 26 January 2006.

VHS is dead.

Liverpool's La Machine features in The Big Picture blog's round-up of the year.

Dr. Ian Malcolm thinks you should get a life.

I'm Walking Backwards for Christmas, across the Irish sea.