TV Some of the items in the BBC's Christmas line-up have sent a chill down my spine. Hold on while I put my radiator on ... that's better .... Do we really need:
"Hosted by Shane Richie, EastEnders Christmas Party will feature Liberty X, Lulu, Jo Brand, Suggs, Greg Rusedski and Richard E Grant for the best night's entertainment the Queen Vic has ever seen - with Mike Reid pulling pints behind the bar and Clarissa Dickson Wright serving up a Christmas feast."
[Oh the humanity. Shane Richie. Lulu. Suggs. REG, what are you doing mate? Remember when you used to appear in films?]
"Other comedy highlights include seasonal editions of My Family, Posh and Becks' Big Impression, Dame Edna - Live At The Palace, Absolutely Fabulous and French & Saunders"
[Or middle of the road sitcom, tired sketch show, tired comedian, tired sitcom, bound to do a Matrix skit this year. What the hell are they thinking?]
"BBC THREE's first Christmas schedule features the television premiere of Our House - The Musical featuring the music of the Eighties most prolific hitmakers - Madness."
[More Suggs then. You'll be comissioning a Night Fever revival next. Just another example of the new and innovative programming being offered by BBC3, along with the movies we've all seen a hundred times before, documentaries about Jerry Hall and Vinnie Jones, and reruns of The Office.]
"Comedy favourites on THREE include an episode of Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps - staged as a musical comedy extravaganza!"
[Because seeing Natalie Casey and Ralph Little singing is such a good idea. Moonlighting has a lot to answer for.]
About the only place where a chill wind doesn't blow is BBC4, and that's only because they'll be showing reruns of some very good old television ... except ...
"The channel will also explore a completely different musical area with country music from Dolly Parton and Nanci Griffith and an exclusive concert from Emmylou Harris."
[Why?]
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