The Beatles are added to Spotify.
Taylor Swift does Glastonbury.
Greens overtake the LibDems in Parliament.
The next series of Doctor Who is better than the last one.
Spider-man joins the Marvel Cinematic Universe.
That's my list of annual predictions from the beginning of this year. The way of the wind and it is blowing the least likely item's probably Doctor Who being any good this year. Former festivalphobe Swift's playing the Big Weekend. That has to be a prelude to something.
Either way yes, hello Spidey and welcome to the same filmic reality as Groot, Trevor Slattery and Fitz/Simmons.
There's loads of speculation across the echo chamber of the many news websites with advertisers and an SEO commitment but we don't really know a lot yet. We know that he'll appear in an already announced film first before starring in his own property in mid-2017 pushing back all the other films already announced that aren't The Avengers or Guardians of the Galaxy 2. I'm going to be in my mid-forties before this release schedule ends now. Let's not think about that.
But other than that. Shrugs. Not a sausage. Here's what I think:
For all my bitch and moaning about how perfect he is, Andrew Garfield will not be retained. My taste would be for the earlier Sony films to be co-opted into the MCU for all their creative problems, but it looks like that story won't be completed. Felicity Jones will not be Black Cat now. Unless she is. But imagine how he feels right now. This guy. The guy who turned up at Comic-Con and did this:
Not that you couldn't retain Andrew Garfield. You could approach the next one as a semi-continuation, taking the imaginative leap that those events happened just in slightly different way, ala The Incredible Hulk and somewhat Superman Returns. Or if they really wanted to spend the money, producing special new version of the Sony movies with more MCU content shoehorned in. Or just keep him, whatever.
Ah fuck it. Andrew Garfield and everything else is gone. They're burning it all down. Shame.
But who for Parker now? An unknown presumably though that's not always the approach in the MCU. Eddie Redmayne's not a stupid idea, I suppose, but they may want to cast an American. Zac Efron? (I'm really bad at this). Whoever it is, clearly the brilliant thing to do would be not to announce his casting then have that moment in Civil War when Spider-Man removes his mask and that's the moment when we all find out who's playing him.
Is this just Spider-Man or is it the whole thing? Can aspects of his mythology now reintegrate with the MCU? Will we have the Daily Bugle in the Netflix series set in New York? Let's hope so. Would make sense.
Are we going to get another version of the origin story, for the third time in just a decade an a half? Probably not. Unless we do. My guess is that even if its not a backdoor TAS3 somewhat like The Incredible Hulk and somewhat Superman Returns there'll be an expectation that the audience gets it already and the salient points will appear in the credit sequence or flashbacks. Forbes suggest Batman Forever as the template. Let's not get carried away.
For all that, will it even be Peter Parker or will it be Miles Morales? My guess is it'll still be Peter. He's still the brand name most widely associated with the character. Clearly the MCU approach and the more interesting, fresh choice would be Miles but it seems very unlikely. But we also live in the world were a Guardians of the Galaxy film had almost the greatest box office take of all time so, well, shrugs.
For now, let's just all bask in the glory of this old Late Review transcript in which Germaine Greer, Charlie Higson and Michael Gove review the first of the Raimi films. Take it away Govie:
It's for teenagers, because it has a genuinely, I believe, sophisticated morale structure than most films aimed at that age group, and without it being explicitly Christian, I do think it has that theme running through it.It's worth reading for Higson's rebuttle. Well played Higson.
When the Green Goblin takes Spider-Man up and shows him New York City and says, "My boy, this could be yours if you join me in this wicked project" is reminiscent of the Bible.
And the final scene is the renunciation scene. It's an affirmation of celibacy and vocation.