Showing posts with label star trek. Show all posts
Showing posts with label star trek. Show all posts

The Star Trek: The Next Generation episode you will have missed.

 

TV Find above this week's TechMoan video which is all about the 2-XL, a toy in the shape of a robot which utilised 8-track tapes to offer quizzes and games. Even though it was released in the late 70s, I was probably too young to be contact with them, let alone own one, but it's a fascinating look at how ingenious engineers were in the pre-digital era in utilising analogue technology to create the illusion of futuristic toys. Now of course you can call up such quizzes through a so-called smart speaker. Try saying "Alexa, play Pointless..."

Later in the video, channel creator Matt mentions that the idea was recycled in the early nineties for compact cassette by Tiger Electronics.  As per the Wikipedia page, these weren't too dissimilar to the 8-track versions, in that they utilised the four channels across the tape to create the various options, in the original's case questions and answers, in the remake, options in a "choose your own adventure type story" which used licenses from the likes of MARVEL, DC, Saban Entertainment and Paramount Television.

And thanks to this emulation page (also via Techmoan) you can play them all, old and new.  After trying a few it's clear that even in the licensed tapes, for the most part the voices were supplied by the same few actors.  Chaos in Jurassic Park has those performers offering some pretty good impressions of Bob Peck, Laura Dern and Sam Neil in a rewrite of the film's story.  But working through a few more it becomes apparent that in some cases, like the Power Rangers, original cast members do make an appearance.

The one I actually bothered to play all the way through is Star Trek: The Next Generation's Blinded By The Light assuming that, like the old Peter Pan story singles, it would feature at best sound alikes.  So imagine my surprise when up pops your actual LeVar Burton in a solo adventure for Geordi Le Forge which is "official" enough to have its own Memory Alpha page.  It's the early 90s and here's a real cast member recording spin-off material.  I've tweeted him for more details, because of course I have and I'll update if he replies.

The adventure itself is fine, as Geordi investigates Romulan skullduggery on Fenrac III.  Even though none of the original music has been licensed, it very much has the atmosphere of the series, as the engineer meets an old school friend who he completely failed to get off with and also ties in to The Mind's Eye episode and depending on your choices sees him trying to shoot said friend thanks to him being reprogrammed again.  Whoever wrote this was clearly enough of a fan to be steep in the mythology and everything is authentic enough.

The adventure takes about half an hour and isn't too tedious, although the requirements of the technology mean that the script is unnecessarily wordy so that the various story choices can be synched together on the various audio channels.  It's also interrupted now and then by the voice of the robot, played by the creator Michael Freeman and his weird pronounciations, with space related questions and if you manage to get these correct, you're given a field promotion to acting ensign.  I did not reach this distinction.

Anyway, you can play the adventure yourself here and like Charlie Brooker's Bandersnatch, perhaps its most recent equivalent, there are enough story branches that it bares repeat playing, more than perhaps a simple quiz would in the 8-track version of this technology.  I managed to fail the mission although I'm not sure how.   Perhaps I pressed the wrong button.  You could always just listen through each of the four channels in turn I suppose but what would be the fun in that?  

A Public Service Announcement for viewers of the fourth episode of Picard Season Two.

TV  Just a short note for those of us a bit confused about what looks like a massive fucking continuity error in this week's Picard.  I wouldn't read this if you haven't watched it yet.

Throughout, for various reasons, I kept shouting "Time's Arrow" at the screen and waving my arms around.

Then I took to Twitter, did a quick search and then felt like a total idiot as I read through this Screen Rant click bait.   

The future has been changed.  Which means everything past 2024 is different which means many of the time travel episodes I listed here, including Time Arrow never actually "happened".

This Picard, or at least the body that his mind from the proper timeline now inhabits, didn't go back in time and meet Guinan at the earlier date and so when she meets him in Ten Forward, it's for the first time from her point of view.

No continuity error here folks.  Sigh.

Here's a longer quote from one of the show runners and an interview with nuGuinan, Ito Aghayere, at Variety (in which she talks about watching Guinan's previous appearances and how that fed into her acting choices).

Perhaps, though, when he mentions his name, she has one of those moments when memories of that timeline brush against hers which is what leads her to take him to see the Watcher.  She doesn't have details.  Like Yesterday's Enterprise, she knows that something is wrong but can't put her finger on exactly what that is.

If the show understands continuity enough to refer to Sanctuary areas as per DS9's Past Tense (another story which hasn't now happened), it'll be completely aware of Time's Arrow and working around it.

Why didn't Picard just bring it up anyway?  Why add an extra level of confusion for the casuals?

Aha, but what about the Kirk Thatcher cameo?  The whales presumably became extinct even in the alternative 23rd century, so the probe still arrived and almost destroyed Earth so nasty Kirk and Spock still had to go back in time to capture the whales, still met Kirk Thatcher, Spock still gave him a nerve pinch and well, there we are.

Perhaps next week, they'll explain how Picard doesn't seem to know what a Watcher is, despite having met one on numerous occasions.

Star Trek's pre-history. A watch list.

 
TV  There are many, many lists online offering tips on how to watch Star Trek in chronological order.  This is my favourite because of the way it weaves the episodes in and out, especially around the Maquis storyline which kicks off Voyager.  But there many others, so there would be little point in me trying to do another in the style of my Doctor Who list.

But something I've often wondered is if it would be possible to create a watchable pre-history for Star Trek, collecting together all of the time travel and flashback episodes from across the franchise pre-Enterprise and dropping them into chronological order.  Turns out that yes, you can, but there aren't as many as you would think.

Much of the time when Star Trek does time travel its within the window of the show's own history from Enterprise through to Discovery 2.0, it doesn't travel much further back very often and when it does, it's sometimes into alternative timelines in which aliens are pretending to be Nazi and that sort of thing.  Or it's a dream sequence as per DS9's Far Beyond The Stars.

So the rule here is that the episode has to feature events which take place in the Prime timeline before the Enterprise opener Broken Bow.  I did consider interpolating material from other sources based on that show's epic opening title sequence and I may still do that, but just for now let's keep this as clean as possible.  So here's an excuse to watch some more Star Trek.


1863

"An engineering team finds evidence of an alien presence on Earth in 19th century San Francisco: Data's severed head, buried five hundred years ago."


1930
"Suffering from an accidental overdose of cordrazine, Doctor Leonard McCoy goes back to 1930s Earth, forcing Kirk and Spock to go after him and prevent the Enterprise and the Federation from being erased from history."


1947

"A malfunction on Quark's new ship causes Quark, Rom, and Nog to crash in the year 1947 in Roswell, New Mexico."


1958

"T'Pol tells Archer and Tucker a story about her great-grandmother and two other Vulcans, who crash landed in a small Pennsylvania town in the year 1957."


1968

"The Enterprise travels back in time to 1968, where the crew encounters the mysterious Gary Seven who claims to be sent by advanced beings trying to help Earth."


1986

"Admiral James T. Kirk is prepared to take the consequences for rescuing Spock and stealing and then losing the starship Enterprise, but a new danger has put Earth itself in jeopardy. Kirk and his crew must travel back in time in an old Klingon Bird-of-Prey to right an ancient wrong, in the hopes of saving Earth – and the Federation – from certain doom."


1996

"After encountering a Federation timeship from the future, Voyager is sent back to 20th century Earth."


2000

"Kathryn Janeway discovers the truth about one of her famed ancestors, Shannon O'Donnel, realizing that who Shannon was differs vastly from what Janeway had believed all her life."


2004

"Archer and T'Pol travel back in time to stop the Xindi-Reptilians in 21st century Detroit."


2024

"Trapped three hundred years in the past, Sisko, Bashir, and Dax find themselves confronting one of the darkest hours in Earth's history…"


2037

"An accident during an attempt to use a Xindi subspace corridor places the Enterprise in a bizarre confrontation… with itself."


2063

"Six years have passed since Captain Jean-Luc Picard was captured and assimilated by the Borg. Now, the Borg make a second attempt to conquer the Federation. Starfleet believes that Picard's experience makes him an "unstable element to a critical situation" and orders him to stay behind. But, when Starfleet's fight does not go well, Picard and the crew of the new USS Enterprise disobey orders to join the fight, following the Borg three hundred years into the past just as Zefram Cochrane prepares to launch Humanity's first warp-capable engine, the Phoenix, and make first contact with an alien race."


2143

"When he is told of the death of an old rival, Archer reflects on his days in the NX test program."

Nu Top Trumps.

Games Like many people of a certain age, I was kept "busy" on train and car rides by I Spy books and more often Top Trumps. It's the simplest of educational games, a series of cards on a particular subject with various trivia underneath and cards won when one number is higher than another. The first person to get all of the cards wins. My clearest memory is of the dinosaurs set, hoping against hope to have the T-Rex card which had the capacity to slay everything in its wake. My young imagination filled with images of the actual dinosaurs squaring off against each other in the stop motion animated glory of a Ray Harryhausen movie. Eventually, I had the cards memorised, not that I can recall any of the facts now. They've been replaced with other useful things like the story order of Doctor Who seasons and when various Shakespeare plays were written.

Glancing through the selection of titles available, I'm pleased to see the dinosaurs are still there, albeit with an updated design. But in keeping with the times, Top Trumps have moved on to more pop culture topics and so its with this curiosity I agreed to their PR sending me a bunch of sets to have a look at and write about on here along with a FRIENDS quiz. Since I'm just embarking on a first rewatch of the sitcom in a few years, I'll save that until I'm in a position to have any chance of answering the, at a glance, incredibly nerdy questions.  Rather like BBC's Mastermind when it often covers pop culture, it also keeps its questions within the fiction of the show.  So nothing asking who directed the first episode, who played Charlie Wheeler, Marcel the Monkey's real name or which other network series took part in "Blackout Night". *

The cards themselves have been updated.  Back in the day, these were quite schematic affairs with an image on top and a small yellow table underneath listing attributes.  Now each is more uniquely designed with a photo of the subject, a small fact file (character biog, episode synopsis) and the attributes in much bolder text inspired by the given IP.  The FRIENDS set in particular feels like a callback to the era of the series in its text and iconography, although the use of something approximating Comic Sans is a bold choice.  It's here that I notice that the first episode, which in pretty much every home release is called simply "The Pilot" has is called the Netflix title "The One Where Monica Gets A Roommate".  I wonder when this was adopted at the prefered title?  Do you know?

Having not seen Top Trumps in all these years, it's disorientating to now find a game which, at least in its pop culture version, is generally numerically based on opinion with rather random categories.  The Friends set eskews characters in favour of episodes.  So instead of pitting Janice against Mr Heckles, it's The One Where No One's Ready fighting The One With The Lottery.  That means the editor of these numbers can boldly give The One After The Superbowl, Part 2 a "Top Trumps Rating" of 92 ahead of The One Where Rachel Finds Out on at 87, which I'm not sure anyone would agree with.  The Only Fools and Horses set mixes characters, things and places which presents the spectacle of an alpine ski suit as being more intelligent than Rodney and radical hair-dryers having better family values than Cassandra.  Why is one thing higher than another?

The closest to old school is the Star Trek set, with just characters but even then there are problems for those of us who have an interest in the franchise. One of the attributes is "year of birth" which is a bit ageist since it automatically puts older officers at a disadvantage. Plus the choice of characters is incredibly curious. All of the various Captains are here but crew members omitted include Beverley Crusher (even though Wesley is here for goodness sake), Bashir, Jazdia Dax (it's Ezri), Harry Kim, Tom Paris, Tuvok, Kes, B'Elanna Torres and everyone on the NX-01 apart from Archer, Tucker and T'Pol.  Chakotay has a threat to the universe score of 22 which has to be someone in the office taking a satirical swipe at Janeway's executive officer.  And what does the To Boldy Go score refer to and why does Sisko merit a 40 but Kirk a 20?  Overall, such things as skill, stamina and intellect would have made much more sense, especially since Cunning is included, something which Data scores curiously low on.

So how does it play?  I've just got back from testing the Only Fools and Horses set and either because of the age of the participants, mid-40s and mid-70s, we didn't complete a game.  As the contest went on, we pretty much coalesced around reading out the "laughs" score only, I think partly because it was the only moderately tangible number on the card.  As I suspected, because it was impossible to conceptually gauge how a number applied to the subject, it then made it less of a game of skill than simply reading out random numbers and seeing who missed out in each turn which becomes incredibly boring in the short and long term.  In what universe does Del Boy have greater style than Marlene?

Am I just having a sense of humour of bypass about a kids game.  Possibly.  Probably.  But I'd argue that there's little point in doing Top Trumps if the game mechanics don't work and I wonder if any of these sets have been playtested in house for their longevity and the extent to which the scores have been mulled over.  A short explanation included within each set might have helped.  There's also the notion of having a Top Trumps game for FRIENDS or Only Fools.  Who exactly are these meant for?  Children will have little to know interest in these properties, both broadcast before they were born and the game is too simplistic for adults outside of family time.  Fortunately the more educational options are still available.  "Height  3.3 metres ..."

* ǝldoǝԀ ǝɥʇ ɟo uɐɯpɐW puɐ 'plǝɟuᴉǝS 'spuǝᴉɹℲ 'no⅄ ʇnoq∀ pɐW 'ǝᴉʇɐʞ 'ɹǝlʎ┴ ɐɥsᴉ∀ 'sʍoɹɹnq sǝɯɐſ

Picard again. Picardigan.

TV One of the most fascinating elements of watching all of Star Trek in stardate chronological order the other year was realising that Star Trek: Nemesis isn't the final filmed work on the "prime" Trekverse. That goes instead to the first of the Kelvin Star Trek films and the few seconds just before Spock enters the anomaly which leads to him ending up in the past of the branching reality caused by the emergence of the Romulan ship and destruction of the Kelvin.

Not any more.  News was that the Picard series would be set many years after his time on the Enterprise, but in an interview with The Hollywood Reporter, the current Trek overseer Alex Kurtzman clarifies that it'll chart his course after the destruction of Romulus in that same film and the catastrophic effect it has to that part of the galaxy.  When Kurtzman et al have said the past that they're about finding gaps within the established canon, they really weren't joking.

In the run up to the release of the film, IDW published Countdown, a prequel comic which explained in long form the events mentioned in the Kelvin Trek the origins of Nero and how Picard and a reconstituted Data were involved in Spock's mission.  The film's co-writer Roberto Orci says that it's canonical unless a future film contradicts it.  Let's see if the new Picard series will and the extent to which is refers to the events of the film from the Primeverse side.

Here's my best guess.  Picard's been acting as an ambassador between the Federation and what's left of the Romulan Empire continuing Spock's efforts dating back to, as the article explains, the Unification two-parter but that something else huge happens which throws the whole business into disarray.  The mandate appears to be to not simply do more TNG but with different people so it has has a different flavour.  How exciting.

New Discoveries.

TV Star Trek Discovery premiered on Netflix in the UK this morning and is fine, really, really fine. Like most revivals post Doctor Who 2005, it takes the elements of the original mythology and spins them around a different televisual language, in this case a single protagonist, multi-part story. Having spent the best part of a year watching my way through a year's worth of a Trek which even in the sequel and prequel series and films followed roughly the same formula established in the 1960s, it's refreshing to see the franchise attempt something different, partly for its own survival. Imagine if the show had returned in the same old mode, reiterating the usual three or four storylines, offering yet another version of The Naked Time or Data's Day.

But the real pleasure for me is in not having to wait to see it.  This is the first Star Trek series which I've been able to watch on "broadcast" almost as soon as it's been made available in the US and participate in the discussion, enjoy the reviews and as is the case in the 2010s, gorge on the YouTube videos listing easter eggs in exacting detail.  In the olden days actually seeing Star Trek was a frustrating process especially if you were in a non-satellite family tied to video releases and terrestrial broadcasts.  Having the entire series (including animated!) available at the touch of button Netflix is the kind of magic which busts Clarke's third law to smithereens.

Here's how I've watched Star Trek previously.

The Original Series 

-- the 1980s BBC Two broadcasts at 6(ish) with the teaser editing in after the titles - the one with the BBC Micro asterisk field beforehand

-- The Cage was a rental of the sell-thru version from Video City in Garston in the late 80s

-- episodes recorded from Sky by my Auntie

-- borrowed from a librarian friend (who also loaned by tons of the books)

-- the 90s "remastered" BBC Two version running at the wrong frame rate

Star Trek: Animated

-- Afternoon broadcasts from Sky One recorded while I was at school.  When we first moved into this tower block, Sky One and Sky News were being delivered via a BSB squarial on the roof.

The Next Generation

-- Random episodes from season one on rental VHS from Video City

--  BBC Two broadcasts, every Wednesday at 6pm.  Unless there was sport in which case it was pre-empted.  Sometimes we'd only see one episode in about two months

-- Sky bought first run the rights from s4 onwards which meant waiting for the VHS releases which were, I think, just two episodes a month for £12.99 which wasn't easy on pocket money.  Plenty bought as presents instead.  I received Devil's Due/Clues from friends as an 18th birthday present.

-- s5 and parts of s6 during ten hour binging sessions at university in halls because one of my housemates was able to get bootleg recordings of the US TV broadcasts sent to him.  Even then we didn't see all of them and not in the correct order.  That's definitely the first time I saw The Game.

-- s7 mix of bought tapes and episodes recorded from Sky by my Auntie.  All Good Things was another birthday present.

Deep Space Nine

-- Watched the first episode Emissary at a friend's house on what looked like a fifth generation recording of the US TV broadcast in which you could only really make out who everyone was by their outline, the whole thing resembling an impressionist painting.  Which I then had my own copy of and you can imagine what that visual smear looked like.

-- random s1 episodes recorded from Sky by my Auntie

-- Others rented from the Blockbuster video on Allerton Road.  Special rental tapes with four episodes on them.

-- By now I was unemployed and signing on and couldn't afford to buy the episodes.  Sometimes I'd visit the Virgin Megastore in town and stand and watch them on the preview tv screens clustered in the middle of the first floor.

-- The BBC Two broadcasts

-- But most of it was renting the sell-through releases from Roughley & Gerrard newsagent on Aigburth Road.

Voyager

-- The Caretaker during Star Trek night on BBC Two, 10:50 in the evening on 26 August 1996.

-- BBC Two broadcasts until they lost interest and Sky became the exclusive broadcaster

-- First five seasons rented from Roughley & Gerrard until I lost interest

-- which meant the first time I saw most of season six and all of seven was earlier this year on Netflix

Enterprise

-- Box sets rented through Lovefilm, although this blog post indicates this was after the show had been cancelled.

----

Of course, all of this happened pre-internet and hose-pipe rather than bucket social media so the concept of spoilers wasn't really an issue with most of us reliant on Starburst or latterly SFX magazine for news and reviews of episodes.  Most people I knew didn't have Sky and those who did weren't fans so when the BBC broadcasts were the main source we were all watching it together any so it felt like a new series even if the episodes were over a year old.  Now I can't imagine how I'd cope having to wait for a home release of Discovery.

[Related:  How I became a Star Trek fan.]

Literally Beaming.

Science Every day, I find myself gaping open mouthed as what seemed like something which could only happen in the future not too long ago is suddenly presented to me. Yesterday it was the ability to stream an otherwise obscure eighty year old silent film from China instantaneously through my television.

 Here's my open mouthed gape moment for today.

First object teleported to Earth's orbit:
"Chinese researchers have teleported a photon from the Gobi desert to a satellite orbiting five hundred kilometres above the earth."
The AV Club has a user friendly explanation but if I remember my Star Trek: The Next Generation Technical Manual correctly, the methodology is almost precisely the same as that imagined in the 60s and developed across the years by successive writers albeit on a much more complex scale --  reprogramming particles in one place so that they're resemble a source pattern.  We're still probably hundreds of years away from being able to move a person let alone a more complex object but good god.  Gape.  Open mouthed.

Backwards and Forwards.

Film Almost to the second that I posted this, Star Trek Discovery's trailer was uploaded in different versions, just to show that even if it's set in the past this new series is still moving forward:



Which rather makes Turnabout Intruder look even more foolish and shows just how anomalous the classic series now looks within the larger franchise.

Watching The Whole Of Star Trek In Chronological Order.



TV  For the past ten months, any conversation related to television which began, “Have you seen …” was usually answered with a negative from me, the reason being that for the past ten months I've been watching my way through the whole of Star Trek in stardate order, starting with Enterprise, through to Nemesis before flashing back and crossing realities into the Kelvin timeline. When almost the whole franchise was uploaded to Netflix, however much I tried to look away or find something else to do, the pull was too great. So on 11th July last year, the day after completing a binge through Gilmore Girls, seeking solace after the Brexit vote, I sat myself in front of Broken Bow, Enterprise's first episode and with the odd exception (MARVEL series, Elementary, Supergirl, Girls, Stranger Things, more Gilmore Girls) that's been about the only television drama I've watched since. Like my anniversary run through of Doctor Who and the Buffyverse before that, for the most part it's been an utter pleasure and a trip down memory lane, on this occasion to stories I hadn't seen for twenty years and even in some cases for the first time.

My guide on this journey has been The Star Trek Chronology Project, a thorough attempt to put the whole franchise in narrative order utilising the star dates as a guide. As the compiler acknowledges, some of the time the writers don't adhere to their own rules, in The Original Series (TOS), they seem to have been chosen at random and they don't really exist on Enterprise anyway, but become invaluable in the 24th century era as a way of slipping between the various interconnected series. It's possible now to see how Trek was accomplishing intricate cross franchise storytelling years before the MCU, notably the Maquis storyline which begins with TNG's Journey's End develops to set up part of Voyager’s premise, flows between the latter episodes of TNG into DS9 with characters and plot elements passing between the two more overtly than I remember. A couple of Admirals and Cardassian Guls even manage to appear in all three. It's also possible to see how, when viewed in this context, Enterprise so expertly manages to provide the opening movements of some epic battles which are still being fought years later.

That said, from the off, Enterprise feels like a show which was rushed into production with too many voices speaking behind the scenes. Apparently the initial idea was to show the trials involved in the construction of the ship which wouldn’t launch until late into the first season but the studio forced a rethink. That explains the number of flaccid early episodes with identikit premises which would have worked on any of the series with few modifications. In these initial episodes only T’Pol makes an impression, generally being right about everything and continues to be the linchpin of the show throughout. Like TNG, it’s not until a fresher mind, in this case Manny Cotto, that the show fulfils its potential providing prequels to later stories in other series and offering some deep background on the pre-history of the Federation. The ingenious explanation for how the look of the Klingons changes temporarily utilising Bashir and O'Brien's suggestion from the infamous scene in Trials and Tribble-ations is spectacular.  It’s just a shame they never could work out what to do with Hoshi.

Not having seen most of The Original Series since kidulthood, the biggest surprise is how not rubbish season three actually is, despite its stinky reputation. Granted, there’s some rotting gagh in there, notably Spock’s Brain, And The Children Shall and The Way To Eden. But everyone’s in character for most of the time and honestly, there’s probably as many decent to excellent instalments as previous seasons. There were even a few episodes I’d somehow missed first time around, That Which Survives and The Lights of Zetar both of which are pretty good. Parts of the show haven’t dated well. McCoy’s treatment of Spock is flat out racist at times and the gender politics is shocking. Plus both interracial kisses, usually much lauded, in Plato’s Stepchildren and Elaan of Troilus are against Kirk’s will as if to justify them happening. But when it’s good, it’s great: The Corbamite Manoeuvre, Tomorrow Is Yesterday, Mirror Mirror, Journey To Babel (which feels most like modern Trek with its Spock’s family orientated b-plot), The Tholian Web and of course The City On The Edge of Forever (just a pity Joan Collins didn’t heed the words of Edith Keeler and voted Brexit).

Despite the rudimentary, if pleasingly day-glo animation and shonky continuity (where exactly does Spock sit on the bridge?), The Animated Series is authentic enough that it should be considered the fourth season of TOS. With almost everyone back on voice duty and scripts predominantly written by the original live action writers, there’s some remarkable episodes in here amid the sequels and remakes. DC Fontana’s Yesteryear rightly wins plaudits for its depiction of early society and there’s also the strongly feminist The Lorelei Signal in which the female members of the crew end up saving Kirk, Spock et al for a change. There’s nothing in here that is really against canon. Indeed, much exposition is expended explaining how Harry Mudd escaped the android planet. Plus the comedy episode Bem establishes Tiberius as Kirk’s middle name. The brevity of the episodes, twenty-three minutes each, meant I watched the whole thing over three days (17th to 19th October) which did leave me able to hum along to the half dozen pieces of incidental music repeated ad nauseum.

Then straight into the TOS films ending with the first twenty minutes of Generations.  My assessment of them hasn't changed and it's pretty much as agreed critically, the odd numbered instalments weaker than the evens with The Final Frontier at the nadir, Khan at the top.  What's notable is how sympathetic they are to the source, despite Roddenbery effectively having been supplanted by Harve Bennett who hadn't even seen an episode before taking over.  Partly that's so as not to cheese off the fans which had kept the franchise going during their wilderness years, but it's also because if nothing else the rich mythology is a strong foundation to work within so why deny its existence.  Unlike Doctor Who, whose key asset is its flexibility, Trek's engine is its chronology and ability to build on what's gone before.  It's the films which really develop the verisimilitude which would make this possible feature feel like such a real, complex place even if its not always clear where exactly the various empires and quadrants are supposed to be.

Star Trek: The Next Generation took four months to watch but there’s much to be said for taking some shows slowly with having time to appreciate their merits. After the patchy first couple of seasons, which still have the odd classic like Measure of a Man, once Michael Piller became one of the producers the show began to sing. Perhaps most notably of the “exploration” series is how strongly it works to create an atmosphere of having what amounts to a small town floating in space, the crew members and their families, homes, schools, science labs and recreation although it’s also noticeable how often some writers forget as much when putting the ship in jeopardy. Like TOS, parts of it haven’t aged well; the Geordi and Leah Brahms business is just flat out creepy. But it’s somehow even an the initially one-note character llike Troi evolves into a working professional psychologist and diplomatic assistant not to mention commander who outranks Data. Too many favourite episodes to list, but I’m more of a fan of those with the more oddball fantasy elements like The Next Phase, Time Squared, Parallels, Remember Me and Timescape.

Nevertheless its Deep Space Nine that is probably Trek's masterpiece, a sprawling space opera which after the usual rocky first couple of seasons turns into a deep meditation on the nature of war and the human cost, utilising the future setting to reference almost all the major conflicts of the past century or so.  Like the other nuTrek series, it has its story genres usually about a particular race and I remember hating the Ferengi episodes first time around but now see how the allow the writers to talk about feminism and capitalism in a way which would be impossible with the Star Fleet characters for whom such things have already been overcome.  Dax might well be the cleverest creation that the show ever produced and the transition from Jadzia to Ezri is seamlessly accomplished - the Trill are almost the Time Lords of Star Trek (with apologies to the Q) as the memories but not personality are passed between hosts.  I can't even attempt to choose favourite episodes here.  Glancing through the list its easier to select the one which are just a bit average of which there are too few to mention.

Not so Voyager which is often a desert in its earlier series of derivative stories that pretty much ditch the Maquis culture clash much earlier than drama would usually necessitate.  By the end of season four I'd had enough and with my Who fandom growing apace didn't bother to watch much into the next season back then.  Of course, that's just the moment when the show finds its feet and from about half way through season five, about the time Bryan Fuller takes over, it's smashing.  Partly it's because they have a new toy and there's a period when almost every episode is somehow about Seven of Nine and her attempts to reclaim her humanity, a full on Pygmalion pastiche co-starring The Doctor who himself becomes the focus of a huge number of episodes.  It's delightful even if it leaves some of the blander crew members as nothing more than bystanders until the realities of their situation, the lack of career progress, the idea of bringing up families on board are explored.  If only they'd thought of that earlier.

So in all of the shows there's a moment when each finally realises what it's "about", what the format is capable of.  In TNG that's definitely season three, for DS9 it's four and in Voyager it's clearly five.  In some cases there are enough episodes remaining to explore the potential but in Enterprise and Voyager's case it happens too late.  There's enough in their final instalments to fuel another series or two and I'm rather pining for a season eight for Voyager which explores how the crew copes once they return home.  The final scenes of Endgame aren't quite as abrupt as I'd expected, and its fitting that the show should end with the crew on the ship, but I want to see Seven's first reactions to Earth, how The Doctor gets along, even Harry Kim seeing his parents again after all that time.  Similarly These Are The Voyages is a travesty; I can see why the creators felt like they had to cap off the revival but to have these earlier characters inserted into Enterprise and effectively make its final instalment about them is appalling.

The key problem with the Next Generation films is that although the series was very much about the ensemble with each character becoming the focus each week.  In order to wedge each story into a traditional screenplay structure, Picard and Data are essentially promoted to lead characters on every occasion, with some of their character development rolled back in order to accommodate the hero's journey.  First Contact is the strongest simply because it's also able to give Riker and the rest a sufficiently interesting subplot.  Generations is hurt by having to be a crossover and then wasting the appearance of the classic crew.  Insurrection is helped by simply deciding to make what amounts to a filmed double episode of the series.  Nemesis is similar but never quite feels right, all of the more useful character material in the deleted scenes, cut to make way for generic action sequences.  At least we get to find out what happened to Janeway after Voyager returned home (although I know that in the novels its a bit more complicated).

What's surprising about the "Kelvin" films is how much fidelity they have with the television series, combining genuinely exciting action with character moments in a way which Nemesis entirely fails at.  Plus the opening instalment includes what is, up until now, the final chronological filmed moment in the Prime timeline, as Spock enters the fissure.  In three films, we find seasons worth of incident packed into a few hours, fully embracing the possibilities of the motion picture.  On rewatch, even Into Darkness impresses; although it's clearly weakest when directly referencing old adventures it's no simple retread of Space Seed or The Wrath of Khan.  But it's Beyond which ultimately impresses not least because when watched in this sequence by referencing Enterprise so strongly, offers a decent bookend to the whole experiences.  Even so, When nuKirk mentions the five year mission, it's disappointing that we haven't actually seen those "smaller" adventures.  The IDW comic exists of course, but that still has to tread water somewhat due to the potential for a new film release.

Which is my ultimate take away from all this.  Star Trek is a format which works and works best when it's moving forward.  When Nemesis ends, it's with some sadness because it's the last we'll see of the rich 24th century mythology developed across twenty one seasons of television and four films.  But there's an obsession with the classic series, because of the icons which means that the franchise is currently obsessed with those glories, through prequel series and reboots.  What I would dearly love to see is a series which continues were Voyager completed either directly or further on again so as not to mess with the continuity in the novels with a new crew and a whole other set of challenges in a similar way to Doctor Who's revival.  That Seth MacFarlane has managed to get this spoof off the ground quicker than CBS has got its act together is an embarrassment.  I am looking forward to Discovery, but shouldn't Star Trek be always boldly going forward unable to find reverse?  Now I'm off to watch Galaxy Quest.  It's time.

Star Trek Human Longevity Theory.

TV As an apology for inferiority of tonight's distracted Class review, here's a special bonus post about Star Trek instead.

One of the elements of Star Trek going forward has been the longevity of some of the characters, who seem to have lived or are living way past the expected norms.

Human longevity has already increased due to medical advances and to be sure that would presumably continue into the 22nd, 23rd and 24th centuries. Apart from McCoy reaching 137, Picard is still in fine fettle in Nemesis at the age of 74 giving no indication of retirement. Despite being half-human, Spock Prime managed 162. His father Sarek went at 203. Between Encounter at Farpoint and Nemesis, Riker's only supposed to have aged fifteen years.

Only some of which can be explained by medical advances.

Here's my theory.

Warp travel.

The theory goes, traveling beyond the speed of light would mean an astronaut would stop aging, time continuing around them, as demonstrated to great effect in Interstellar.

Imagine what travelling at warp speed does.

What if, during the various spurts of warp speed star ship crews experience, time stops inside the ship? What if, as a result, they stop aging during those periods which has a cumulative effect on their longevity?

Of course it doesn't quite work. Time passes within the confines of the ship and chronologically matches whatever's happening outside. In the speed of light theory, the traveler doesn't notice that time has passed on the outside of the ship.

But it's possible there's some technological compensation for that which can't take into account human biology.

Still, the upshot would be the longer you spend travelling in space at warp speed, the longer you'll live.

Star Trek Beyond Theory.

Film Saw Star Trek Beyond at lunch time unfortunately in my second to least favourite screen in an otherwise good cinema, shunting to one side by the Ryance thing. The screening began with subtitles on the screen, but unlike The Motion Picture, it's because the projectionist had pressed the wrong button. Yes, I did spend many seconds saying I wasn't going to be the one who went out to complain. 

Fortunately someone else did, presumably thinking "Why is it always me?" and it was fixed pretty quickly after restarting the film and fastforwarding to the scene we were on. Apart from screen size, watching a film at the cinema has now officially become indivisible to Netflix. Yes, I did complain about all this at the end. Yes, I did get a complimentary ticket.

All of which biography is to leave a decent paragraph or two so that you can have fair warning that I'm about to say some spoilery things about the film. Stop now if you've not seen it.

Stop now.

Now.

You have been warned.

Right, one of the more interesting choices in the film is the extent to which it draws upon the Enterprise TV series for its background mythology. This really useful blog post goes into some detail in uncovering what there but it's actually to a quite startling degree, far beyond the references to Admiral Archer's beagle in the first nuTrek (paid off hilariously in the ensuing comics series).

Having decided that Enterprise is a pre-cursor to both the Prime universe and this offshoot it's now quite correctly drawing on it, even if some of the mythology doesn't quite match.  The approach to the Klingon empire in Star Trek (the movie) in which its still a relatively alien place is markedly different to Enterprise were they're very much a known quantity.

In Beyond, we're now handed a ton of new Enterprise era mythology notably in relation the origins of the film's antagonist.  Here's the question then.  If all of this "happened" in the Enterprise era, doesn't this mean that the Farragut and its captain and that planet also exist in the Prime era but it's just that they didn't happen to be bumped into because for some reason the Yorktown space station as is doesn't exist in the Prime universe?

Isn't that lucky given what they're capable of?  Given that he's utilising technology which is keeping him alive, isn't there the potential for some other version of Star Trek, perhaps set in the future to do a Prime universe version of the same story?  Perhaps it'll be in comics form or as a novel but at some point in the future there has to be some potentiality for this.  I wonder how the 1701-D crew might deal with him.  Hmm.

That's all there was.  I just didn't want to smear this all over Twitter in case there's someone who hasn't seen the film yet.  Feel free to DM me comments if you can't get stupid Disqus to work.  Yes, I know.  It's on the list ...

A Viewing Order For Star Trek.

TV Well, I tried. With all of television Star Trek materialising on Netflix UK yesterday, I thought it might be an idea to put together a viewing order. Two hours later amid episodes without stardates, faulty memory after having not seen most of these episodes for twenty years and trying to get my head around the business of meshing the three 80s/90s series together I closed my Access databases and Excel spreadsheets and googled Star Trek viewing order in much the same way as people seem to be finding my Doctor Who list.

Happily someone else has done the spade work and utilising much the same methodology I was and would have done, placing Enterprise's These Are The Voyages… with TNG's The Pegasus and smoothing over continuity errors and broadcast dates generally messed up because someone in the Trek office wasn't paying attention to stardates when sending the scripts down to the sound stage or audio recording booth.  You can see the writer pulling their hair out trying to fit Insurrection somewhere in much the same way I did when faced with Doctor Who's Planet of the Dead.

About the only omission is the animated series, which Paramount recently decided is canon after all and I was planning to drop in between TOS and TMP.  It's here that the T in James T Kirk was originally revealed to be Tiberius and it has the brilliant The Lorelei Signal episode in which Uhura, Chapel and the female members of the crew have to take over the running of the Enterprise.  The Wikipedia page reveals a ton of other connections including the news that Manny Cotto was planning to include the Kzinti in a fifth season of Enterprise.  Sigh.

That watchlist also reveals, including the animated show, if you did want to binge your way through all of Star Trek, you're looking at a mountain about 728 odd episodes and movies high which would take two years to work through assuming you're just watching one episode a day.  It took me a year to do Doctor Who, but only because of the month in the middle when I was prepping and then recuperating from my hernia operation so did nothing but watch Doctor Who for two months.  Plus in this instance you're at the mercy of Netflix and just how long they have the rights.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't tempted.  Before Doctor Who, Trek was my franchise of choice (see here) and I still haven't seen the last two seasons of Voyager.  But I'm still ploughing through the tail end of Gilmore Girls as well as a pile of other stuff waiting to go and there aren't enough hours in the day.  But I rewatched TNG's Parallels last night and was engulfed by waves of nostalgia as I remember just how much the teenaged version of me loved the show (and Marina Sirtis) even if some of the acting is just the right side of creaky.  Oh sod it.  Broken Bow, here I come.

"devastating"

Health Joe Gatt plays 0718 in the new Star Trek films (in the comics the character is revealed to be a humanoid manifestation of the Enterprise ala Idris in The Doctor's Wife in Doctor Who) and is an alopecia sufferer. On the franchise's official website he writes about how he's lived with the disorder and how people treated him:
"As most of you – especially my Star Trek fans -- know, I have alopecia, an autoimmune disorder that causes the body to attack its own hair follicles, thus preventing hair growth. It doesn't affect the body in any other way and is not contagious. This happened to me when I was about 11 years old, initially, with some patchy hair loss, and then at 14 all of my hair fell out. By the time I was 14 1/2 I was totally hairless... and have been pretty much that way ever since. As you can imagine, this is a pretty devastating thing to happen to a kid. The teasing, the bullying, the ignorant comments, the discrimination, the judgements… I didn't see a way forward. I didn't leave the house. If I did it was always with a cap on. My friends deserted me, all except one."

How Time Travel Works in the Star Trek Universe.

TV More specifically what seems like an excellent survey from Ars Technica of the mechanics of the Star Trek's time travel episodes during which it becomes apparent that like all shared franchise universes there's rarely any particularly consistent decisions about such but then heads of into some real science which suggests ... oh just read the thing.  This is from earlier to shield you from spoiling the ensuing engrossing text:
"... the TNG episode “Tapestry” has both a consistent effect and a changing timeline. Q gives Picard the chance to go back to his youth and make better choices. Once Picard realizes his error (getting into the fight with the Nausicaan and getting stabbed in the heart was somehow the best outcome for him), he’s given the opportunity to restore his original choices. This time, as he’s stabbed through the heart, he laughs. Interestingly, it had been mentioned in a previous episode, “Samaritan Snare,” that he had laughed when stabbed—indicating that his experience in the past had always been a part of Picard’s history."

Alexander Siddig on everything.

Film Alexander Siddig is the subject of the latest random roles at the AV Club and he's entirely unguarded and generally personally uncensored. He says of DS9, "I had the stigma of Star Trek over me at that point" which makes him the Eccleston of that series and he has this to say on the subject of apocalyptic dragon film without many dragons, Reign of Fire:
"Wow, we’re covering the whole thing, aren’t we? [Laughs.] The only thing I remember about that was the first day. The first A.D. came into the trailer where we were all having our makeup and shit done, and he was, like, “Guys, I need your attention, please.” And we were, like, “Yeah?” And he said, “Um, Mr. McConaughey’s gonna arrive on set in about 15 minutes, and I have to give you a directive—which comes from the producers—that you are not to call him ‘Matthew’ or ‘Mr. McConaughey’ or anything to do with his real life. You must call him Van Zan.” Van Zan was his character name. “And even if you meet him outside in the road, even if you meet him out in town in Dublin,” where we were shooting this movie, “you must call him Van Zan.” And that is exactly what I remember about that movie, because as that first A.D. left the building, I shouted—rather lamely—“And he’s got to call me Elvis!” But he didn’t call me Elvis. In fact, he didn’t call me anything!"

Spock's Christian Names.

TV To tonight's Pointless Celebrities which has now become the tea time tv fixture on a Saturday night now that we're into a run of new episodes. This was a FA Cup Special so of course had a question board about ears which included the following clue which popped up during dessert:



"Wait? What? Surname? He doesn't have a surname..." I said as I spluttered over one the final mince pies we have in the mouth, almost chocking on a current. "He's just Spock? Isn't he? Unless it's trick question and they mean his human mother's name ... her first name's Amanda ..."

Cue five minutes of jabbering as a lapsed Trekker with a memory like a one of the grills in Kirk's cabin tries to remember the surname of Amanda's mother thinking that Pointless had taken a turn for the rock hard and even as Richard's suggesting that it's one of the easiest answers on the board.

Of course the answer they give is Spock which just led to more jabbering.

"Spock, how can it be Spock?  His name's just Spock.  It's not Spock Spock."  And then went and tweeted as much which is what you do in 2015, it's communal, which led to a couple of replies to the effect that it's unpronounceable and that someone thought he was called "Mister" on the basis that it's what Kirk called him in times of high drama.

Cue research, or rather Googling "Spock's first name"

The Wikipedia has nothing.

The Official Star Trek site says "Full Name: Spock (lineal Vulcan name unpronounceable)" which doesn't make much sense in this context since the "lineal" name is the surname and we can all prononce Spock.

Who in the what now?

Doctor Who fans have it easy. We have the TARDIS Datacore for out trivia needs which pulls everything together in one place thanks to the BBC insisting that such things as canonicity are fans business.

Thanks to Star Trek's interesting approach to these things, there are three fancyclopedia entries for the character. Crumbs.

Memory Alpha's entry on Spock Prime (in other words Nimoy) has "full name generally considered unpronounceable to Humans" and "Jane Wyatt, who played Spock's mother Amanda Grayson, was once asked by fans at a convention what Spock's first name was. She replied, perhaps jokingly: "Harold."" ("Grayson! Thank you!")

Memory Alpha's entry on Spock (alternate reality) (Quinto) has "full name generally considered unpronounceable to Humans".

Incidentally the unpronounceable business is from the episode "This Side of Paradise". It's from this line of dialogue:

LEILA: And this is for my good? Do you mind if I say I still love you? You never told me if you had another name, Mister Spock.
SPOCK: (wiping away her tears) You couldn't pronounce it.

The assumption I suppose is that since he's "Mr Spock" "Commander Spock" and "Captain Spock" in the parlance of Starfleet then Spock must be his surname. So when Leia, sorry, Leila says "another name" here she means first name. Fair enough. But what is it?

Step forward Memory Beta. Memory Beta is the fancyclopedia which deals with Trek's spin-offs, it's version of the expanded universe in Star Wars or what who fans think of as "the stuff we read or listen to when it's not on television". That tells us Spock's name is:

S'chn T'gai Spock

Revealed in Barbara Hamley's classic TOS novel Ishmael about an amneasiac Spock finding himself in the old west. The "fact" section of the entry makes it sound deliciously good:

"The novel has Spock interact with the leading characters from Here Come the Brides along with many other characters from franchises outside of Star Trek, including the Cartwright family (Bonanza), Hokas (Earthman's Burden), a "scruffy-looking spice smuggler" (Star Wars), Viper pilots (Battlestar Galactica), both the Second Doctor and the Fourth Doctor (Doctor Who), one of the gamblers from Maverick, and Paladin (Have Gun–Will Travel)."

Confusingly, Memory Beta has a link back to Memory Alpha which itself has an entry for the novel with a longer synopsis including the nuggest about his first name and more specificity on the Who references:

"The British science-fiction television series Doctor Who is referenced at least four times: the Fourth Doctor is described on page 13, Metebelis crystals (from "The Green Death" and "Planet of the Spiders") are mentioned on page 57, the Second Doctor is described on page 154, and Kirk recalls legends of a planet of stagnant time-travelers (meaning the Doctor's people, the Time Lords) in the Kasterborous galaxy on page 200."

Doctor Who itself has an entry on Memory Alpha. And Memory Beta. I may have strayed off topic.

The point is, Pointless Celebrities is quite right. Spock is his surname. His first names are S'chn T'gai which are indeed unpronounceable.

The Interstellar Enterprise.

Film About half way through December, Paramount released the trailer for Chris Nolan's new film Interstellar. Given that he's the new Spielberg in terms of expectations and genre games, I was excited, and it is an exciting trailer, and mysterious, giving little away about a film which isn't going to be released for quite some time. Here's the trailer:



If that all look vaguely familiar, watch this too:



Chrisopher Nolan's secretly making a Star Trek prequel.

Review 2013: Not The Doctor: My Fan Fiction.

TV Back in the late 90s when I didn't have this blog as a distraction, I was under the delusion I could write fiction and after reading many, many My So-Called Life continuation scripts decided it was about time I attempted to write my own. Me being me, and not being able to decide on anything, I chose to simply crossover what were all of my favourite tv shows of the time and some more. Looking back through what's here it's about what you'd expect. This isn't the first time I've eluded to this epic on the blog, but it is the first time I'm posting the whole damn thing, with all the fragments and whatnot having been inspired by Dr Brooke Magnanti's defense of the form. Here's an illustrative graphic which should give some indication of what's to come.

star-trek voyager borged

Yes, indeed.


Review 2012: The Projects:
Star Trek: The Next Generation / Doctor Who: Assimilation 2, issue #8.

Comics Ho, ho, bloody ho. Last week the writers of what is, without shadow of a doubt, one of the worst comic representations of either of these franchises ever were interviewed by Comic Book Resources. As Allyn suggested when tweeting me the link, "you may have an aneurysm". He was quite right. Everything you need to know about what went wrong with Assimilation2 is in there especially their lack of knowledge of Doctor Who, which they differente from Star Trek as being “science fantasy” not “science fiction” as though fantasy and fiction are opposite words and transporters seem more plausible than a machine that travels through time. They admit that Star Trek is easier for them because they’ve been writing in that universe for much longer, which explains why they probably hadn’t realised that it exists as a television programme within the Whoniverse which explains why at no point has the Doctor, Amy or Rory said, “Oh my god we’re in the Star Trek universe”. Though frankly that’s been the least of its worries.

Bizarrely this series has had its fans. The writers indicate they’ve “done convention and bookstore signings over the course of the year, everyone has been super-friendly and complimentary. I think it comes through that we love both these properties and are trying to do right by both.”  The solitary comment on the interview says, “As a fan of both shows, I really loved this series. Well done and thanks to everybody involved. As you all did a great job on it, that you should be really proud of! Loved it!” Which is fine, really. Everything is a matter of taste after all. Just because I think that this is empirically and provably rubbish doesn’t mean that someone else can’t consider that it’s an unutterably flawless work of genius. The writers certainly seem to be pleased with themselves. But for all CBR’s indication this has been a critical success, I’ve not found many reviews which are more than at least luke-warm. Starburst hates it as much as I do. Forbidden Planet uses phrases like “frustratingly uneven”.

Spoilers, spoilers, this is another synopsis. So what do we have behind the Kirby homaging cover with the baby-faced Doctor and orgasmic Worf? An extended action sequence, the issue begins with a cliffhanger resolution and the wrongness begins pretty much immediately with Amy utilising one of her three lines in the issue (“All right.”) in agreeing to provide covering phaser fire for Worf and some other security guards as they go in to sabotage the CyberBorg ship’s engines (her other lines are, spoilers, “Bye!” and “Just hope what?”). That’s Amy Pond. With a phaser. Providing covering fire for a Klingon and some security guards. Rory warns that they’re not trained marksmen. Worf suggests they’ll “do fine”. Not that we get to see this because they cutaway to the sabotage so we don’t actually see them fire at anything, which is probably for the best. If this was being acted by Karen and Arthur they’d probably be a bit grumpy, though Rory has more things to say and has an exciting moment with a door later.

Three pages later we’re back with the Doctor, Picard, Data and Riker’s Borgfriend, or friend who is a Borg (though he doesn’t appear in a frame for two pages) facing up to the CyberBorg hoards. After a page or two considering how they’re going to get past them to reach the CyberController, they’re captured anyway (which means those two pages look particularly wasteful with just twenty-two to play about with), then released again when the ship is eradiated with gold dust by the Enterprise. Once again we ask when it was established in nuWho that the nuCybermen were vulnerable to gold (not that you can’t introduce tropes in spin-off fiction but this seems incongruous). Then Picard suddenly has a translucent face-mask on to stop him breathing in the fumes. This just appears between frames. We can imagine he whipped it out of his pocket, but Starfleet uniforms aren’t known for them and no one has a bag. Where did they come from? Note the Doctor doesn’t have one. He’s holding a hanky up to his nose, which barely seems adequate.

After that, they go and see the Cyber-controller, whose a surprisingly articulate bugger. Cyber-controllers so far on the revival have been characters we’ve come to know who’ve been converted (cf, The Age of Steel, The Next Doctor) and this fella is in that realm, but his dialogue closer to the classic form ala Earthshock, with lots of fist clenching and poetic threats. He spends most of his monologue confirming what we already know from previous issues about the Cybermen converting the Borg, before he’s quickly neuralized by Data and the Riker’s Borgfriend, and the Doctor uses him to finish blowing up the ship and the Cybermen with it. We’re now at page sixteen. At no point have we been surprised, much, by any of this and what we’ve been watching/reading/snoring through is a well-executed plan. Good god, it’s boring, apart from, perhaps the dynamic moment at the bottom of page eleven with the Cyber-controller seems to leap off the ground and hover over the Doctor with Picard standing nearby with a mean look on his face waving around a phaser rifle.

Everyone safely into the TARDIS. But wait, Riker’s Borgfriend has made it on board and reverting back to his programming is attempting to assimilate the time machine. At least I think that’s what’s happening. He’s sort of squatting nearby and the next moment the TARDIS is attempting to possess Data in an attempt to save itself. Again, what could and should be a big moment of joy is pissed away in a few frames before Rory’s exciting bit with a door is handed a page and a half. I keep returning to the narrative real estate portioning because over and again the writers can’t seem to decide how this story should be paced. There’s enough mileage in Data interfacing with the TARDIS to fill a whole issue and in a more interestingly structured series it would. But over and again across these issues, the more fascinating ideas with the most potential are put to the backburner in favour of repeated exposition or action sequences that merely set out to mimic what’s already been shown on television.

With two and a half pages to go, the writers tip their hand as Trek fans first of all by giving a whole page to an admittedly well executed scene about Riker coming to terms with the change in his Borgfriend via a conversation with Crusher (who seems to have been drawn in accidentally because its more of a Troi moment) and then the TARDIS crew turn up to tell them they’re going home and explain that simply by destroying this one ship they’ve wiped all the Cybermen from the timeline including the ones who appeared with the Baker version of him in issue 3. But thankfully we’re not left with much time to think about the nonsensicality of this because they’re all suddenly in the Holodeck and Picard’s telling the Doctor to fuck off out of his universe is so many words (“I hope our paths never cross again”) before telling him he’s glad to have met him (oh make up your mind). Then we’re back in the TARDIS for a single frame of wrap up in which Sean Penn in Shanghai Surprise tells his companions that universe skipping will be a breeze.  Oh course it will.

In the final frame, as I predicted somewhat previous, there’s the suggestion of a sequel as the Borg come to the conclusion that they must develop time travel, though that could just as well be a throw forward to First Contact (which had its own crossover sequel featuring the X-Men as a comic and novel when Marvel had the rights) (which makes it astonishing that it hasn’t crossed over with Batman yet because everything else has) (presumably it’ll happen if DC get the rights again) (everyone but Dark Horse seems to have had them at one point or other) (there was a weird moment in the late 80s when Marvel UK were publishing a comic then a magazine of Star Trek: The Next Generation carrying DC’s material) (a complete run of which I still have somewhere) (in the original Marvel run produced early in the run of the tv series the helm officers were a married couple who’d bicker all the time) (seriously, they're called the Bickleys) (and Wesley saved the ship in practically every story) (which is a pretty accurate reflection of the television series itself in that period to be honest).

And we’re done. Given the cack-handed way the previous seven issues have been executed we shouldn’t be too surprised the finale is as perfunctory as it is with weird pacing, pointless pages of stuff prosaically showing us action which would take seconds on screen and yet more repeated exposition. Once again, the Eleventh Doctor rarely sounds like himself, with vast generic infodumps instead of fun dialogue and the Enterprise crew largely reduced to being his companion leaving his actual companions without much to do. The artwork’s better than usual, with some nice shading and rendering of publicity photos though there’s one flashback frame featuring Riker with his Borgfriend (who actually looks more like Geordi) in younger happier times in which the artist has remembered not to give him a beard but puts them both in s3 uniforms when, to my understanding, the scene has to have been set before s1 when spandex was very much in for the officer about town.

As expected, there’s a few loose ends, primarily the guff at the beginning about the Doctor gaining memories from the Trekverse, of recognising Worf and his earlier encounter with the Kirk. In his late infodump, the Doctor says the memory banks of the ship should have gone back to normal, but that their own memories are there’s to keep. Does this mean the Doctor now has a mass of useless knowledge in his head about a reality not his own? Has it been adequately explained how they got there? I don’t remember that it has. Allyn, do you know? What was the point of introducing this rather exciting idea then doing almost nothing with apart from justifying a whole issue telling a different story with a different cast two issues in? I’d expected a Fringey moment when the Doctor and his companions forgot that they’d ever existed in a different universe and that the Tholians rather than the Daleks were his mortal enemy. Alas, it was not in the nature of this series to make to such a dramatic narrative leap.

Instead, what could have been an excellent crossover has been squandered and after seeing the amazing initial shots of the Doctor in the Captain’s chair in command of the Enterprise we’re left with a deflated sense of what could and should have been. From a first issue which materially had nothing to do with the rest of the series (and seems to have largely acted as an audition for the next big project for the writers, a series of Who comics to commemorate the 50th year of Doctor Who) (no) (really) onwards across the following seven months (can you believe it?) we’ve had nothing but disappoint after disappointment and as the months have passed I’ve wondered why I was bothering. Yet, I’d still buy each issue hoping against hope that it would do something really extraordinary. More fool me. There’s another CBR interview with the writers worth reading conducted at the start of this process. At the close they’re asked, “would you be game to come back for a second series?” and they answer:

“Are you kidding? The Doomsday Machine and Dalek Imperial Fleet put together couldn't drag me away.”

Oh please god no.

[Allyn has a much rangier analysis of the whole series with more emphasis on its failings as a piece of Star Trek.]

Star Trek: The Next Generation / Doctor Who: Assimilation 2, issue #7.

Comics Another month of Assimilation2 and some more of my low expectations have been conclusively met. When I visited Forbidden Planet to buy my ordered copy today, it was the first occasion when I genuinely considered giving it back, but the cover with its TARDIS flying into the battle of Wolf 359 promised so much and I had to add something with this month’s Buffy so that I could pay by debit card (transactions must be over five pounds) that I decided that yes, it was probably a bit too late to back out now. Like Torchwood’s Miracle Day before it, there’s a certain point when despite all logic to the contrary about there being too few hours in a human life to be spent not doing things you enjoy, you just feel like you need some form of closure.

The cover, as ever, is another misrepresentation of the contents. In reality, the TARDIS spends the battle of Wolf 359 parked in a conduit in Locutus’s Borg cube while the Doctor showing a surprising knowledge of Star Trek’s mythology apparently thanks to a conversation with Picard, offers another synopsis of The Best of Both Worlds to his companions over several pages, along with a philosophical discussion on the wherefores of the Borg’s collections (huh, he, huh huh, he said bondage) and why he can’t interfere in the action due to it being a fixed point in time, presumably because he’s travelled back from the resulting continuity even though in relation to some other stories that makes little sense.

Rarely during this conversation does the Eleventh Doctor sound like himself apart from calling the Ponds, the Ponds. He’s generic Doctor again offering big long speeches which could just as well be Commander Data (who to be fair I realised whilst reading this was the analogous Merlin/Gandalfy figure of Star Trek: The Next Generation, unless it’s Guinan – I’ll get back to you on DS9, though it’s probably Odo). As I’ve discovered from the Eighth Doctor novels, the most successful writers are able to produce dialogue which automatically makes your imagination recall the sound of their voice without much work. At no point does this big speech sound like something Matt Smith would say.

It’s worth nothing that for a few issues now, one of the other story elements, the Doctor’s memory changing to suit the Roddenburyverse hasn’t warranted a mention. Instead of suggesting Picard was the source of this information, we might have expected that the Doctor’s new found knowledge is the source of his expertise in Borg technology. Either this has been forgotten, been resolved and I hadn’t noticed, or it’s never going to be dealt with which seems most likely considering this thing only has twenty-two pages to run. This was just the sort of structuring that sunk Torchwood’s Miracle Day; huge story ideas which seems like they’re going to fuel episodes worth of material quickly forgotten and not mentioned again.

After they return from the Borg sortee, we’re back on the sodding Enterprise for another seven pages which basically exist to rationalise why the ship won’t be able to catch up with the CyberBorg and they’ll have to travel in the TARDIS. The writers obviously have pacing in mind here and to be fair they are chock full of character related moments, the Doctor pretending Amy and Rory won’t be coming, Riker asking Crusher if she can have a go at deBorgifying his friend (which at this late stage just seems designed to remind the reader that Beverley still exists) and Worf giving an astonishingly long speech about the modifications he’s made to the guns they’ll be taking so that the Doctor can offer his objections to them.

This section demonstrates how wrong headed the storytelling has been in this entire series. The key scene should be Data entering the TARDIS for the first time; indeed of all the characters, his reaction is the one that should be savoured, since like the Doctor, he’s the one who experiences everything with a child-like wonder. The writers piss it away in three frames, one of which doesn’t even feature the android. The art’s fine, with a rendering of Data from Encounter at Farpoint (I think), but given the amount of pointless exposition the reader has to endure elsewhere, it’s a shame that the writers haven’t realised that it’s these moments we fans of both franchises cherish (it’s why there’s a special feature on the dvds called “moments”).

Thence to the Cyber-Armada for the infiltration and an eight page action sequence as Worf and the Ponds are separated from Picard, the Doctor and Data as they fight their way through the ship. This isn’t such a horrible idea, and under normal circumstances, there’s plenty which could be done with the Amy and Rory’s reaction to being attached to a warrior who’s still firmly a hero, contrasting the Doctor who might fit that broad description (cf, A Good Man Goes To War), but whose methods are completely different. Except as I said earlier with just twenty-two pages, there simply isn’t the space to explore this fully. The most we get is the Klingon convincing them to carry a gun (that’s not how we roll, hey Amy?).

The issue ends with the Worf and Picard separately swearing in their own language at the sight of many CyberBorg, with the TARDIS’s translation circuit conveniently malfunctioning and as though they’re surprised that having landed on one of their ships that there might be a few of them on board. In rendering the CyberBorg, the artists have gone with the Borg eye-piece over a standard Cyberman shape which is fine, but doesn't live up to their grotesque potential. The artwork in general is better than usual, though it’s becoming increasingly possible to identify the publicity shots being used as reference for the Doctor. It’s the one from the 2011 annual cover! It’s the shot of the Doctor looking worried from The Eleventh Hour!

Well, I for one am desperate for this to finish, except the other night reading Allyn Gibson’s predictions, I had the horrible though that this all going to end on a cliffhanger, the final frame being the Enterprise-D in the Whoniverse surrounded by Daleks in space. Or more Cybermen. Chatting in Forbidden Planet earlier, I heard that this farrago is one of their biggest sellers and given IDW’s propensity to hammer any relatively popular idea into the ground (the many Angel spin-offs), it seems unlikely they wouldn’t return to something which is actually shifting a few issues. But are any of those buyers really enjoying this? Do they think it’s amazing? Or are they like me just wanting to see if it can sonic some deus ex machina from the incisors of a Vulcan Le-matya beast.