Film Analyse This was the last film to need a sequel. But Fame Tracker suggest that there may be a few more to come ...

"Analyze This
Analyze That
Analyze the Other Thing
Analyze What?
Analyze Whaaa?
Analyze This Again
Re-Analyze That
I Thought I Asked You To Re-Analyze That
Sobol: A Whole New Analysis!"

I think I was the only person looking around for "Still Being John Malkovich"

Music The short list for the Grammies has been released. Knowing I know nothing about music, here are my picks:

Record Of The Year Don't Know Why - Norah Jones (because it's the only one which hasn't been on Mtv or Emap heavy rotation long enough to irritate the hell out of everyone)
Album Of The Year Come Away With Me - Norah Jones (it's the only album I have -- and Eminem -- again!?!)
Song Of The Year Complicated - Avril Lavigne & The Matrix, songwriters (Avril Lavigne) (Because I love the idea that The Matrix from the film was behind the record as a way of subjigating the masses in preparation for the upcoming overthrowing of humanity by the machines. And the thought of Agent Smith hunched over a piano trying to work out how a teenage girl feels about boys is a bit funny)
Best New Artist Norah Jones (they wouldn't touch Ashanti after last time. John who? And it's almost as though no one but Lavigne recorded anything this year
Best Female Pop Vocal Performance Soak Up The Sun - Sheryl Crow (although -- for once I've actually heard all of the songs. Hard decision. I'm sure Spears will get it becuase it appears to be only thing she's been nominated for).
Best Male Pop Vocal Performance Your Body Is A Wonderland - John Mayer (still haven't heard of him)
Best Pop Performance By A Duo Or Group With Vocal Hey Baby - No Doubt (it would good to see No Doubt back.
Best Pop Collaboration With Vocals The Game Of Love - Santana & Michelle Branch (something I didn't mind seeing on heavy rotation)
Best Pop Instrumental Performance 18 - Moby (or the made up award so that Moby can win something)
Best Pop Vocal Album Let Go - Avril Lavigne (just to be fare -- didn't any men record any good albums last year? What was Ryan Adams up to other than kicking people out of his gigs?)
Best Dance Recording Gotta Get Thru This - Daniel Bedingfield (because I'm in a charitable mood -- once this was a hit he started to produce ballads. Makes sense.)
Best Female Rock Vocal Performance Alone - Susan Tedeschi (haven't we been here? Picked this time because I like her surname)
Best Male Rock Vocal Performance45 - Elvis Costello (just for being nominated)
Best Rock Performance By A Duo Or Group With VocalIn My Place - Coldplay (for getting Gwyneth Paltrow. You really do deserve an award, my friend)
Best Hard Rock Performance All My Life - Foo Fighters (because I've heard of them)
Best Metal Performance My Plague - Slipknot (because that takes some conviction)
Best Rock Song The Rising - Bruce Springsteen, songwriter (Bruce Springsteen)
Best Rock Album C'mon, C'mon - Sheryl Crow (it's the one I bought)
Best Alternative Music Album Behind The Music - The Soundtrack Of Our Lives
Best Female R&B Vocal Performance More Than A Woman - Aaliyah (she'll end up winning it posthumously anyway, so what the hell)
Best Male R&B Vocal Performance Take A Message - Remy Shand (with a name like that he may have been picked on at school)
Best Contemporary R&B Album Cookie: The Anthropological Mixtape - Meshell Ndegeocello (see above)
Best Female Rap Solo Performance Scream a.k.a Itchin' - Missy Elliott (my god she's lost weight)
Best Rap Performance By A Duo Or Group And lo my musical knowledge escapes me. Who are all you people and are you any good? Skip to the end ...

I've a good feeling about Norah Jones. I mean she may win a few awards on the night ...

Winter II It's still winter. And cold. And now I have cold which has sapped me of my creative imperatives. So you'll excuse me if I just link to lots of things tonight. See -- I've even lost my power to write in the English language, in y'know proper sentences.

Blog! I've been visiting Plain Layne a bit lately, initially because she looks a bit like Tori Amos but mostly because it isn't often you stumble across something so honest and elloquent:

"I inhabit a world that has shifted into unbearable poignancy. A familiar-looking face in a bright bustling crowd will remind me of her, or any Spanish I overhear. My heart is broadcasting cliched songs of love and longing to the radio. Everyday objects have become remarkable things, suffused with memories of her, like the striped chopsticks of mine that she loved. In the Bug I remember Christmas with my family at the resort, and how we saved up our affections for a deserted dirt road and the backseat. My bedroom is drowsy and plush with her ghost. Life seems far better -- and far worse -- whenever I glimpse a couple in their happy private bubble, hands clasped, leaning into each other, eyes shining with contentment. That should be us. That was us."

Today, Layne introduced me to the work of the Kabalarian's who seem to spending their lives giving their own definitions of baby names. I smell both a fish and a rat, but here anyway am I ...

"Your name of Stuart has created the desire to focus on the details of your immediate interests to the extent that others consider you to be fussy. You are attracted to, and could excel in, the mechanical or technical fields, such as computers. Instead of establishing the system and order you would like, you are over-particular in some things that matter to you personally but lax and indulgent in other ways. You place great importance on whatever you happen to be interested in, and can be quite thorough and detailed in what you are doing, but find it difficult to be consistent. You scatter your efforts when things becomes too monotonous. You have intense urges and feelings for which you can find no expression. At times you are motivated more by moods and desires than by sound logic and reason, and under conditions of stress you could react inadvertently in temper or stubbornness that you would regret later. The indulgences prompted by this name can lead to high blood pressure and its relative ailments, as well as nervous tension affecting the whole nervous system. "

Oh who want's to believe these things anyway?

Media Is the BBCi website far too big and monopolistic? Editorial from 'The Guardian' discussing whether the BBC's website, funded by the British license fee is taking the thunder away from commercial websites worldwide trying to achieve the same results in advertising run market place. There is some logic to the argument -- when e-marketing revenues are dwingling how can some sites compete with this bohemoth? On the other hand, if they were achieving the same results people would be going to them instead, and the BBC's website is very, very good in some places, indispensible in others. [Metafilter]

Music I'm not at all surprised that I don't actually own any of Hybrid Magazine's top album's of 2002, because I have a well honed dodgy sense of musical direction (currently listening to the "Moulin Rouge" soundtrack). I know I really should like bands with names like "The Rocking Horse Winner" or "The Mooney Suzuki" (or that I should like bands) but I got Pink's "missundaztood" and Avril Lavigne's "Let Go" for Christmas instead. The Pink album may have been a mistake. Jury still out on Lavigne ... but I'm drifting. I don't actually know why I don't get these things which other's laud for their quality. I'm sure that some of it is to do with availability -- music radio in Liverpool is very limited, but much of it's to do with my ear. That said my next endevour is the soundtrack to Luc Besson's action film "Taxi" which is the epitomy of French cool, so maybe there is hope yet. Anyone like to suggest something?

TV Regular reader will remember that I lement terribly the passing of the Channel 4 lawyer drama "North Square" about a group of lawyers in a fictionalised Leeds. The review which accompanies the expected page at the IMDb covers most of the good things about the programme -- it was sharp, funny, gripping and as robust as the US series which are lauded over. Now compare and contrast with the BBC's BIG NEW DRAMA SERIES "Trust", as presented in their press release ... it's the same show! Only set in London, and featuring Robson Greene (of all people) instead of a real actor. I'm reminded of the silent era when film companies in rival countries didn't buy in product they copied and made their own version. Yet anothe winner from the BBC ...

Winter You know my embargo on mentioning the weather on this weblog? I'm about to break it. A bit nippy doesn't cover the sheer ice which nipped throught the crevices of my body today. I was going to write something nice and poetic about it all, but it's so cold that I simply couldn't capture the feeling in metaphore. So instead I'm just going to say. It's cold.

Site News
Guest Map is an amazing thing which lets me know where you live and who you are. Don't worry, I won't come and pillage your village and steal your women ...

News I've probably been a bit slow to catch up with this one, but it occured to me five minutes ago that it's possible to set up your own subject specific weblogs tailored to you're own minority interests using Google News. So that if you want the latest news about Shakespeare, it's there ready to be checked every day, just make sure the 'Sorted by Date' option is toggled, and add it to your favourites. It isn't perfect. Repeat stories are common and irrelevence happens. But it's more comprehensive than some dedicated sites and very, very up-to-date. Suggestions: Sunflowers, Weblogs, Buffy, Chocolate, Woody Allen, Mozart, Peaches, The West Wing, installations, feeling listless, whatever.

Blog! Couldn't agree more Ranleigh:

"Note to Self - From now on only go to Matinees. Do not, I repeat do not go to evening films. $9.50 is too much for a movie even if the damn thing does run something like 3 hours. Also, while matinees are virtually empty ensuring a relaxing movie going experience, evening showing are completely packed meaning you'll have to sit within the heavy oppressive blanket of humanity feeling all hot and claustrophobic while some huge guy spills over into your seat. The feeling of claustrophobia will be worse when the running time is something like 3 hours. In fact everything is worse when the running time is 3 hours."

Unless it's something with Lord, Rings, Dances or Wolves in the title. I'm sorry what?

Technology One of the most annoying adverts early last year featured a strange man in wierd suit patronising people who have yet to use a computer into buying an 'Amstrad Emailer'. Other then the ability to accept emails and internet access, the main selling point on the advert seemed to be that you would be able to play 'exciting ZX Spectrum games' (on a mono screen -- yes pixel clashes are a thing of the past). On the whole it looked like a sad piece of work, and for £99.99, seriously poor value for money. Now Amstrad have reduced the price by half:

"The e-m@iler is included in Amstrad's Amserve division, which is 89.8 per cent owned by Amstrad and 10.2 per cent by Dixons. The group's telephone partner is Thus. In September Amstrad reported a fall into the red after losses mounted at the e-m@iler business. The business had problems getting the machine to shops in time for Christmas 2001."

Well there were plenty in Dixons this year but the one I saw had dust gathering on it. I don't actually have anything against the idea -- the chance for people who haven't got a PC to collect emails and look at the web. What I do object to is the repackaging of obsolete technology for the purpose. Yes, it is very cheap, but having tried one of these things, I found the functionality confusing and the web access very slow, and very mid-90s. I would hate to think that this is some people's only exposure that thing which makes this weblog possible.

Film If anyone out there taped the marathon run through of the ‘100 Greatest Films’ from Channel 4 the other weekend I urge you to at least watch the second part. My insomniatic glare picked over it late last night and suddenly I was watching the sixth entry ‘It’s A Wonderful Life’ – then back after the break I was watching number seventeen. Then after the next adbreak the announcer appeared to explain that they’d got the tapes muddled and missed out numbers twenty-two to eighteen altogether and that they would be shown there and then. The whole idea of such lists is that they appear in the correct order. Somehow this was more entertaining and demonstrated how arbitrary these choices are anyway. Pity they didn't miss Graham Norton out instead.

Watching the thing has inspired me to collate all of the answers left by visitors to the guestbook and throw together the top films as chosen by readers of this weblog. It makes for ecclectic, if slightly expected reading:

The top eight is something like this:

1. The Lord Of The Rings
2. Star Wars
3. When Harry Met Sally
4. The Matrix
5. Moulin Rouge
6. Shrek
7. Dangerous Liasons
8. 2001: A Space Odyssey

Neither ‘Sally’, ‘Rouge’ or ‘Liasons’ appeared in the Channel Four list so it’s nice to see them appear here. ‘Rings’ is still quite new, but I’d expect to see it appear a lot more in the official lists over the next few years. Whether it will really overtake Star Wars as the world’s favourite remains to be seen. Weird not seeing ‘Shawshank’ though. The above represent films which received more than two votes. There were another 180 films which each got either one or two votes each. There isn’t a Star Trek anywhere in there, although Serendipity gets a mentions as does Police Academy V. If anyone is interest I’ll be happy to send it to them by email.

Life I haven't made any New Year's resolutions this year, partly because my resolution last year was to make none this year and I wanted to be the first person ever to keep a resolution, but mostly because this is going to be the year when I let whatever happens happen. All bets are off, I suppose. For once in my life I'm going to go with the flow. Oh damn, that's a resolution isn't it. Well, OK this year I'm going to be the first person to keep a resolution. We'll see.

Blog! Jack Sheer didn't have such a great time last year:

"I feel the need to sum up this 2002 experience, and I think I've found the way. There's a phrase that ran through my head each time some new setback was visited on me or mine. It came to me in the voice of a parent whose children have just broken another fragile knickknack while playing catch in the house. Those feelings of exasperation, frustration, and bemused resignation permeated the year."

All I can really say is ... hope you have a better 2003 ...

Weather While some of us are experiencing the usual New Year flooding hell, some are taking to the cold waters in the name of charity. "MADCAP charity fundraisers donned fancy dress costumes and went for a dip in the bitterly cold sea at Scarborough." Only a KISS fan would be strange enough surely.

Art Cubism - Alive and Well and living in Australia. No really.

Culture Pop Matters annual review of last year is a bit different this year. As well as listing highlights, there is also a list of Ten Reason American Culture Did Suck. Much of the article does rely on the reader either being in the US or a Phd in Americana, but there are some resonances:

"And let's consider the source material: did anyone read A Beautiful Mind before they ran out and caught the cinematic adaptation? Even if they did, you'd have to probably multiply that readership by a billion to catch up with the fiercely devoted and relentlessly picky Tolkien readership that has made his trilogy the second-most read literary work (after the Bible, which in many parts of the world isn't really considered a literary work anyway) of the century. Let's get real, Jackson got robbed. It doesn't take yet another Russell Crowe hissy-fit to realize that. The lamest move of the year, hands down."

"Sometimes Hollywood can't help but sicken even the hardiest of digestive tracts. And yeah, Whoopi Goldberg, is right: this is small-time stuff and the only reason that the Ryder case exploded was because she's a celeb. But that's the whole freakin' point! She's high-profile (and did I mention filthy rich?) and should be smart enough to know that stuff like this is what gets celebs sent to the dark cellars of the National Enquirer for life. It's a no-brainer, but that seems to be what Ryder is turning out to be these days. And to top it off, some sharp capitalist printed up (without a hint of irony, by the way) a line of shirts bearing the slogan, "Free Winona", which other stars then had the audacity to wear."

There is also a lucious deconstruction of FOX News which will be familar to anyone who has Sky. Whenever I see the pull pressed suits on that channel I can only imagine that their viewership are some loony hicks in a barn somewhere watching TV from a petrol generator spitting dried peas at soup tins.

Sport Some angry man keeps commenting in my guest book about the Paula Radcliffe review entry on Christmas Eve. I slightly got the wrong end of the stick (and transposed her performance from the World Championship) and made out that running 5000 metre in half an hour was a major acheivement. Edited. Then realised that it was the time I'd over egged not the distance. Re-edited. It's correct now. But just goes to show, one little mistake ...

Rings 'The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers' is a massive film. Sometimes that adjective is used for small comedies because of their opening weekends. Here I use the word ‘massive’ to simply describe the sheer scale of the thing. I saw it on a relatively small screen and it felt like IMAX. It’s a long time since a film has been released which is so wide screen, every corner filled with moments and action.

It’s certainly one of the best sequels ever made (whether you think it’s the best depends on whether Peter Jackson is the new George Lucas, and if you like The Godfather films). There is quotable dialogue in a Whedonesque sense (the scene at the keep when Aragorn and Gimli are talking over their attack strategy in particular). Not have read the book (on purpose would you believe) I don’t know how much of this is down to Tolkein (and I’d love it if someone could enlighten me) but it fills the film with the kind of ‘Great Escape’ type moments which will make you want to watch it again and again. Just like ‘The Matrix’ you’ll want to see this thing again as soon as you’ve left the cinema.

Comparing this to ‘Attack of the Clones’, yet again underlines what a hack Lucas is. Random comment, but I thought it important.

Puzzlingly, many reviewers have brought attention to the fact that there are actually four different stories taking place simultaneously and it makes the film ‘bitty’. Yes, you would like the ex-Fellowship to bump into one another now and then to talk about what’s happening to Middle Earth, but their isolation only means the films falls into the same genre as ensemble pictures like ‘Magnolia’, ‘Short Cuts’,’ Timecode’ or ‘Last Night’; there are to main elements seen in those film which appear. Most importantly the idea of seemingly separate storylines happening simultaneously with characters who only meet at random intervals – in ‘Timecode’, it became clear gradually that Salma Hayek was cheating on Jean Tripplethorn with Stephan Scarsguarde who was married to Saffron Burrows – in ‘TTT’ Merry and Pippin bump into Gandalf who then subsequently rides out with Aragorn. Secondly, the entire world of the film (and so the characters) are rocked by the same major incident. In ‘Last Night’, it’s the end of the film via solar flare, in both ‘TimeCode’ and ‘Short Cuts’ we have earthquakes – in ‘TTT’ it’s the battle for Middle Earth seen from numerous perspectives.

Blog! Matt Haughey has been threatening to start The Ticket Stub Project for some years and it finally launched yesterday. It's fascinating, idiosyncratic and nostalgic. Already started glancing through my books looking for old tickets I can write about ...

People Matthew Paris demonstrates all the reasons Charles Kennedy will be the best Prime Minister we never had:

"The Liberal Democrat leader was playing King of the Kids. Kennedy is a bright and likeable man and came across as such, but with this audience he was verging on the ingratiating and some of them (a minority) sensed this and bristled. Most, however, lapped him up; Kennedy played it for laughs, and got them. Anticipating the opinions and concerns which predominated among his listeners, he sidled up to them. ‘At least you knew where Maggie stood,’ he told them."

NB: The Lib Dems are gaining on the Conservatives in the polls.

Press Costa-Rican newspaper, The Tico Times offers a pdf version of their yearly review for ex-Rican's throughout the world who want to catch up with home. It isn't a short download, but it's a fascinating insite into another land. International scousers can look here for an online version of the Liverpool Echo.

Christmas I’ve had the usual quiet festive period. Christmas in particular was everything I hoped for, and my Mum hasn’t lost her capacity to make me cry (even after the Flat Iron Building incident of last year). A couple of weeks before Christmas, I was talking to her about how Christmas doesn’t feel the way it used to. Some of this was because I’m older, but a lot of it has to do with not actually doing as many things in the run up to the day. In yore, there would by carol concerts at school, Christmas Fairs, trips to see Father Christmas. I particular mentioned the hampers we used to get. The ones which Mum would save 52 weeks for and would arrive in mid-December laden with goodies, and how I loved the surprise of not knowing what would be inside. We stopped getting them because there was too much in them and we would frequently have stuff so long we’d end up donating it to the harvest festival.

On Christmas morning on top the printer I knew I was getting, was another equally large box. I was told to open that last. At the end of the gift swapping my mum passed me a note with ‘Hamper for Stuart Ian Burns’ written. I’d entirely forgotten about the conversation above so my interest was peaked. I unpicked the brown paper, opened it up. Inside, there were a mass of new presents all individually wrapped in tissue paper. I began to unwrap them – packet of disposable razors, box of mini-hula hoops, White Chocolate Coins. I started to cry. Not just the odd the tear. Full blown, eyes stinging, throat sore tears. I hadn’t done that in a while. I’d remembered. Damn I’m thinking about it now and I’m filling up.

To be honest I still don’t know why I cried. Maybe it was lost youth. Nostalgia. The same stuff as last year. Part of it I know, is that these family Christmases are going to become rarer and I suppose I just want to keep them going as long as I can. I’m welling up now just thinking about that. Some of it was because I hadn’t had time this year to think too hard about presents and here was something which was entirely about thought. Either way it was the best present I got this year.

But you see that’s a split decision. Because on Boxing Day my Auntie and Uncle came. My Auntie handed over a package which felt like a jumper or some sort of coat. But when I opened it. A Bagpuss rug. Home made. It had taken her three months to make and frankly it’s a work of art. My Auntie at one point unpicked and re-tied a section of it because she had the wrong shade of pink. Even has the mice from the mouse organ at his feet. It’s took good to walk on, so I’ve a feeling I’m just going to have to move house soon so that I can give it wall space. It funny, fascinating and the other best present I got this year.

About Last Night ... The world failed to end again last night. I know some will be disappointed by that, but I’m actually glad and more than a bit hopeful. No matter what our Prime Minister says (and I’m finding it very difficult to even contemplate his name), things can’t get much worse than they are now. I have great faith in the human spirit, that in the end we do all know right from wrong, that we can learn from the mistakes from the past and that 2003 should proceed mostly without a hitch.