Review 2007: Home

Jennyfer Star on Stockholm

I could easily give 2007 a really bad review, but I´m not going to. Even though my life has been turned upside down (yes, litterary) I have learned how to see things from the bright side and to finally make lemonade of all those damn lemons.

Let me tell you a story:

Once there was a girl, so young and restless, ready to take over the world. She was a singing bird, but no nightingale. More like a crow with her hoarse voice and rocking style. She loved every inch of the rock n roll life style, but after a few years she started to fall apart. The drugs, the booze and the touring seemed to tear her down even though she didn´t want it to. She wanted so badly to love it and keep doing it forever. But one day she realized that forever wouldn´t last that long if she didn´t stop makin mischief.

After being off drugs a few years, she thought she was safe. She could still do the rockin and rollin, but it wasn't the same anymore. With sobriety comes maturity and with maturity comes pressure and stress. And our young girl couldn´t take the press of being the leader, the mature teacher and the arranger of everything. So in the first couple of months in the year of 2007 she quit her band, left her boyfriend, quit her job and her therapy sessions and became a solo artist on a sick leave.

The young girl is me as you may have figured out. I am still pretty young and pretty restless, but I´m also pretty tired of the whole thing. In the beginning of the year my home became my shelter. I got hit by the worst depression of my life and I just couldn´t go outside the door. Just when I thought things were getting better and I started to go out to meet people, I got drugged in a bar and I was back on square one again. The anxiety and the panic attacks just hit me like a lightning from above. I felt awful. Every day I was cramping and vomiting of the anxiety. And yet again I was bound to be enslaved in my home. This time it didn´t feel like a shelter at all. It felt like a prison. I didn´t want to be in this downward spiral again.

Four months has passed now since that incident in a well known rock club in Stockholm. I feel so much better now. I´m starting to take care of myself and my home. I have to make it feel comfortable and cosy, not like a grey cell on death row. (Okey, I admit, my apartment has never looked grey, it´s all pink.. But anyhow, a metaphor).

So what has Jennyfer Star learned this year? I have learned that I´m better off doin what I want but in MY way. I have learned to see the beautiful things in my life, and focus on them instead of all the misery and pain. This has lead me to being a more positive person, something I never thought I even WANTED to be. I guess there is a hope for everyone. You just have to believe in it yourself, even if no one else does it.

Jennyfer Star's official website and myspace page including blog.

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1 comment:

Billy Roxx said...

I can relate to your story. The first part of mine is the same about the drugs, booze, touring and the mischief. But I turned my back on my music in an effort to deal with my demons. I did not blame the rockin and rollin for my problems, but I was sick of my life and did not know what else to do. After a few years I realized that playing musio was my life's purpose and that if I did not return to it I would die a slow and painful death living a life that was not for me. So 2007 was to be the year I returned to music, but life had other plans for me first. My father was dying of Altzheimer's Disease and I spent the year caring for him at home and dealing with my own depression. My father recently passed away and I am picking up the pieces of my planned rockin comeback. I also learned, like you, that I am better off doin things MY way - somthing I learned after much trial and error. I only hope that I can be as positive as you and focus on the music rather than on the misery and pain. So here is to 2008 - may it bring good music in your life and in my life too.

Billy Roxx
Cleveland, OH USA