I do not have Cancer.

Life After my initial diagnosis of Oral Lichen Planus (visit here for the full horrors) (or not), when it was noted that it could lead to cancer with a one in a thousand chance over ten years, I would be lying if I didn't admit to fixating on that somewhat. More than the fact my tongue has a white streak down the middle or that sometimes it tingles.  However minimal the chances, it's sat at the back of my mind that perhaps, on top of the anxiety and everything else, I'd end up having to deal with yet another huge thing. Not that my immune system mounting an attack against cells of the oral mucous membranes isn't something which won't effect my lifestyle for years to come.

Today was results day and after navigating a minor panic in the waiting room, the assigned dental consultant, who it transpired I went to school with, just like my doctor and the pharmacist I go to, was quick to reveal that my recent biopsy had simply confirmed the initial diagnosis.  He did explain diplomatically that there was the potential for "abnormal cells" to develop in the future but that nothing was evident right now.  He prescribed a phosphate based mouth wash for occasions when my mouth was feeling irregular.  Then after some chit chat about who we remembered from school, which was, as he said, thirty odd years ago, I returned to the wild.

But I still felt discombobulated for much of the rest of the afternoon.  Fortunately I wasn't working, just food shopping.  When you've lived with a thought, however minor, for a while, it takes time to psychologically adjust to the new information.  I'm fine, it's fine.  My body's at war with itself and I'll probably be having appointments on a six monthly basis to check for developments over the least a few years if not longer, but I'm back to the baseline anxiety, the constant background thrum, rather than the expectation that my quality of life is going to be severely limited, at least more than it is now.  Apart from anything else, I'm blogging again and personal blogging at that.  It's 2018 and everything old is new again.