one hundred and one things I would put into room 101...

1. The hand break in taxis which adds an extra 20p at the end of a journey
2. Automated systems on bank enquiry lines
3. Bob Monkhouse's orange skin
4. Museums which still charge admission fees
5. Branded clothing
6. Directors on 'The Bill' who make at least one criminal an episode come from Liverpool
7. Exploding lids on Muller Fruit Corner yoghurts
8. Val Kilmer
9. Typos
10. Boxer Shorts
11. Bullying
12. Acts four and five of Shakespeare's King Lear
13. The choice of coffee on sale in Starbucks
14. Fascism
15. Mick Hucknell
16. Inconsiderate smokers
17. People who don't flush public toilets after use
18. Floaters
19. Full screen films on DVD
20. S Club 8
21. JFK conspiracy theorists
22. 'It's been a long road ... getting from there to here...'
23. Snot-glue
24. Self congratulatory DVD commentaries
25. Room 101 when Nick Hancock was introducing it
26. George Lucas' delusion that Jar Jar Binks was a good idea
27. Posters at college which never stayed on walls no matter how much blue-tac you use
28. Des and Mel
29. The ice hockey player I was forced to talk to all night once who's every story began 'Me and the team were out drinking ...' and who thought 'faggot' was still an acceptable term for gay people
30. Tuna
31. Star Trek tie-in novels
32. My inability to read Eng. Lit. now because my addled brain has seen too many Star Trek tie-in novels
33. The English Literature A-level I failed
34. Good ideas turned sour
35. Flippancy
36. The Sun 'Newspaper'
37. Three inch discs from Amstrad CPCs which now won't work on anything other than old Amstrad CPCs
38. Hot weather
39. Batman and Robin
40. Stereotypes
41. The death of Douglas Adams
42. People who still think digital watches are a pretty neat idea
43. The Sugababes without Siobhan Donaghy
44.Never being able to find my keys
45. New Labour
46. Male drivers
47. Glasses without lenses
48. My Hero
49. Sleep
50. Feet and Inches
51. Monet's 'Waterlillies'
52. Alliterative names
53. Metafilter when Matt Haughey is away for the weekend
54. Winters without snow
55. Summers without sun
56. Pierced bottom lips
57. Dress codes in night clubs
58. Bad internet connections
59. Mugs with a crack in the side
60. Friends since Season Two
61. The last piece of cheese on a block of cheddar which you can never cut in half
62. The three weeks I spent working at HMV
63. Manchester United
64. The cancellation of 'My So-Called Life'
65. People who shout out of turn
66. My nail biting habit
67. September 11th 2001
68. Arriva trains
69. The teacher as school who said I wouldn't amount to much
70. Lad mags
71. Soap Operas which run for more than one episode a week
72. Organised religion
73. People who use biro to write in library books
74. Record companies who release 'special editions' of albums you've already bought
75. The fact I can't take my drink and can only handle a Bud or Rolling Rock
76. Derek Hatton
77. Minimalist music
78. Liver
79. Famous people with nothing to say
80. Tuesday mornings
81. Stenciling
82. Mobile phones as status symbol
83. My house-acquaintances during my second year at University
84. Highlander II: The Quickening
85. The overly repeated financial service adverts which appear on tiny cable channels
86. Ignorance
87. The smell of cooking fish
88. The smell of uncooked fish
89. People who won't take no for an answer
90. My attempts at poetry
91. Microfiche
92. Charmed
93. Bad organisation on coach tours
94. Change for the sake of change
95. Microsoft
96. Pointless activism
97. Foam rubber
98. Sticker stamps
99. Soluble aspirin
100. Mean spiritedness
101. Lists

1 comment:

  1. Nice, although I haven't seen your poetry but maybe I am blotting it from memory. I would add Friends, Starbucks and Muller in their totality to my room 101. My hates: