… well it is theatre …

Books

Int. Wooden Church. Day.

I'm sitting in a chair, slightly unnerved by the fact that I seem to have replaced the character of Plainview in the film 'There Will Be Blood'.

Eli Sunday: We have a sinner with us here, who wishes for salvation. Stuart, are you a sinner?
Me: Yes.
Eli Sunday: The Lord can't hear you, Stuart. Say it to him. Go ahead and speak to him, it's alright.
Me: Yes.
Eli Sunday: Down on your knees and up to him. Look up to the sky and say it.
Me: What do you want me to say?
Eli Sunday: Stuart, do you ever finish anything?
Me: Sorry?
Eli Sunday: Do you ever finish anything?
Me: Yes.
Eli Sunday: LOUDER!
Me: YES!
Eli Sunday: Then why don’t you finish History of the Theatre by Oscar Brockett?
Me: What?
Eli Sunday: History of the Theatre by Oscar Brockett. You’ve reached page one hundred and seventy five and stopped. Why?
Me: It was dry.
Eli Sunday: LOUDER!
Me: IT! WAS! DRY!
Eli Sunday: Explain.
Me: I was learning about the history of theatre. I know more now than I ever did about Greek and Roman theatre and the Medieval dramas. It’s just …
Eli Sunday: GO ON!
Me: … I was expecting more anecdotes, more about the plays themselves, something less mechanical, something more than simple descriptions and dates.
Eli Sunday: It's a text book.
Me: Yes.
Eli Sunday: What were were you expecting?
Me: Something more -- entertaining?
Eli Sunday: History is an entertaining story, is it?
Me: … no that’s …
Eli Sunday: History is just there to entertain you, is it?
Me: … well it is theatre …
Eli Sunday: Stuart?
Me: Yes?
Eli Sunday: Stuart?
Me: Yes?
Eli Sunday: Stuart, you said you were interested in reading about the history of theatre. You said that you wanted to fill in the gaps in your knowledge of what happened before and after Shakespeare. And yet you have abandoned your book. The book you were reading, you have abandoned all because you thought the writing was a bit dry is that correct?
Me: Yes.
Eli Sunday: Once again you’re not finishing something you’ve started.
Me: Yes.
Eli Sunday: And so you are a sinner.
Me: What?
Eli Sunday: Say it – I am a sinner!
Me: I am a sinner.
Eli Sunday: Say it louder- I am a sinner!
Me: I am a sinner.
Eli Sunday: LOUDER, Stuart. I am a sinner!
Me: I. AM. A. SINNER!
Eli Sunday: I am sorry Lord!
Me: I am sorry Lord.
Eli Sunday: I want the blood!
Me: I want the blood.
Eli Sunday: You have abandoned your book!
Me: I have abandoned my book.
Eli Sunday: I will never backslide!
Me: I will never backslide.
Eli Sunday: I was lost, but now I am found!
Me: I was lost but now I'm found.
Eli Sunday: I have abandoned my book!

I glared at him.

Eli Sunday: Say it... say it!

I mumble.

Eli Sunday: Say it louder... say it louder!
Me: I've abandoned my book! I've abandoned my book! I've abandoned my text!
Eli Sunday: Good. So what are you reading next?
Me: I thought I might have a go at World Drama by Allardyce Nicoll. Equally interesting name and with a rather more journalist style.