feeling listless

Life I need a new television. I think I need a new television. Actually I might not need a new television. I actually I won't be getting one at all.

It's a value judgement. Weighing up what is important with what isn't. For the past six months, the television in my room has experienced a strange kind of interference. There are sort of wavey lines on superimposed over the picture, multi-coloured, a kind of subliminal version of the cascade of colours you see in a puddle as the side of a road, where oil or fumes are laying on the surface and it's like a rainbow has taken up residence there. If I'm watching something full screen it's hardly noticable, but vent through a DVD, and that widescreen is obscured by them, the action ebbing and flowing between. It not unwatchable, just distracting.

We were going to the supermarket to replace a bread making machine, and I knew there were cheap TVs so I went along. Sure enough, they stocked two 28 inchers, perfect for the job, about £200.

But I stood looking at them and part of me which thinks too much set to work. The picture on my current TV isn't so bad, just distracting. It's not like it isn't working at all. And this was £200 -- which is still a lot of money to me, new job accepted. I could have put it on my credit card, but I would still have to pay it back eventually and it's not looking that health as it is.

I'm looking at the televisions, new televisions, and I began to think about all the things I still want to do. I need to get my life sorted out. I'm still living at home, I'm not all that happy pretty much of the time (just pleasantly surprised I'm still here). I need a life change, I need to be doing some things to set me up for the rest of my life, and these are the kinds of things which require money. I need to continue saving, and I can't do that if I'm busting £200 on a TV. To buy the TV would also say something about me ... in a way that the quality of the television picture is more important than the kind of life you lead. I met someone a couple of weeks ago who was still using the b/w portable she had been for years, hooked up to a toploading VHS player. What does it say about me that I thought I need a 28" picture?

Does anyone else go through this kind of mental torture when they go out to buy consumables?