Nothing specific, nothing like

Film Wheels within wheels. The Guardian's My Media column today has (Adam &) Joe Cornish talking about the kinds of things he likes. Amongst the kinds of websites he likes he mentions Ultra Culture, a film website, he says he'd "highly recommend".

Charlie Lyne's Ultra Culture is indeed recommendable, a PopJustice for movies and exactly the kind of thing I couldn't write because I'm not funny enough and always seem to use forty words with three would do.

In his review of Synecdoche, New York, Charlie suggests the following:

"It has the perfect runtime for a drama film - 120 minutes excluding credits. Incidentally, the perfect runtime for a comedy film is 95 minutes."

I've been attempting to compile a list of maxims we should be followed in order to make a good film. Nothing specific, nothing like "Don't employ Martin Lawrence." Structural suggestions, mistakes that are made time and again.

So far, it boils down to:

"Every film should have a duration that ends on the half hour."

In other words, if a film's duration is 1:40, it's ten minutes too long; if it's 1:50 it's ten minutes too short and if it's 2:10 it's ten minutes too long and, well, you get the idea. But I've never been able to work myself around 1:45 films. Which way to go? Which way? I think you can see what happened when I read this:

"It has the perfect runtime for a drama film - 120 minutes excluding credits. Incidentally, the perfect runtime for a comedy film is 95 minutes."

I feel like Crick & Watson when they realised what Rosalind Franklin had been up to, though I'm giving Lyne the credit here. Let's add the two together:

"Every film should have a duration that ends on the half hour. If it's a drama that should be two hours; if its a comedy, an hour and a half."

We can quibble about the other five minutes later. And it works. There are very few dramas that can justify being longer than two hours. The Dark Knight is 152 minutes and feels it and so does Spiderman 3 at 139 minutes and feel it.*

Except when it doesn't work. I was watching Hitchcock's Stage Freight earlier. It's wonderful, especially Alistair Sims performance. But I also think it is too long. It's 1:45. It would be perfect at an hour and a half with less of the running about in the middle. But isn't it a drama? Well yes, and no. Hitch injects an awful lot of comedy in there, especially in relation to Sim. And what about some action films? Let's modify things again:

"Every film should have a duration that ends on the half hour. A drama should be two hours, a comedy an hour and a half, but if it's a bit of both, it depends how funny it is."

I know there will be exceptions related to directors cuts, special editions, tv movies and Lord of the Rings. And possibly The Godfather. But it's lunch time and I'm in the mood for an omelette. I'll report back when I've thought some more about it.


* Another issue worth discussion is about how extra antagonists in these films always seem to add about ten minutes to the duration if they go over the two hour rule. The Dark Knight is too long because of all the messing about with Two Face and the bloke who threatens to reveal Bruce's identity. Spiderman 3 is too long because of all the set up and pay-off that goes on in relation to Venom. And as for Return of the Jedi...