feeling listless

Film Star Wars: Episode II: Attack of the Clones

This is a film so good I spent twenty minutes afterwards pacing up and down outside the cinema box office in shock screaming down a mobile phone at my friend Chris. The trouble is I don't want to spoil it for you (lets face it you're the demographic who will end up seeing the thing) so instead I'll present a rebuttle to this article by the usually very good Toby Young of 'The Guardian'.

(1) The Episodes are in the wrong order : Part 1

Young has decided that the films are in the wrong order and there isn't any point in Episodes I, II and III because we know what's going to happen. Actually it's a narrative device. There are countless other stories in which we know the ending, and the trick is to make the journey interesting and powerful, both of which Episode II at least succeeds in doing. The fact that Lucas is doing it over a twelve hour period rather than two hours means nothing. Some other examples of this device (not including real life stories like Apollo 13 - that's a whole other story):

American Beauty: The first line of the film is 'Hello. My name is Lester Burnham. In one year I will be dead.' Did anyone think 'Oh shit, I know what happens at the end. Let's go home.' No, they gave it a Best Picture Oscar.

The Usual Suspects: We know the boat explodes and everyone but Kevin Spacey dies. Its how we got to that point.

Hamlet: The Great Dane foreshadows his death throughout the play - he knows he on a hiding to nothing. So when he dies at the end it's not that much of a surprise (plus he's the lead character in the a Shakespearean tragedy. That's enough to give anyone the shits. Look at Macbeth.)

(2) The light saber

What were you expecting? They haven't worked out how to stop the laser at a certain point - what did you want a hole in the ceiling and your Christmas tree torched? Imagine how Boxing Day would really have been then. This was the 1970s for goodness sake. Imagine how you might have felt if you couldn't get your hands on one. I'm sure you'd still be complaining now. Actually, that Christmas my Mum bought me a knock off saber she bought at Speke Market. It lasted for two years. I think there's a lesson there somewhere. And as for Lucas negotiating full merchandising rights - that's just common sense and guile. I notice Young doesn't have any words to say about their usage in the film. Hmm....

(3) Senator Padme Amidala's hair

Which one? I'm sure the hairdstylist Susan Love will be glad to hear your comments. I agree that in The Phantom Menace her doo's were slightly alien, but isn't that the point? The use of Far Eastern influences to demonstrate the differences in Nabooan traditions in comparison with the rest of the galaxy. At no point in 'Clones' is Padme's hair less than immaculate. Cheap shot.

(4) George Lucas is a capitalist running dog

Well yes you do sort of have to pay for your ticket. Sneaking into films is wrong (unless it features Adam Sandler in which case it's charity). Why shouldn't Lucas be making huge mass consumption blockbuster films? Again I'll point out. No one is forced at gunpoint to see the Star Wars films. To be this popular and important to so many people there must be something to them (even that one). I'll agree it would be nice if smaller films (hey there 'Waking Life') got half the exposure and distribution of Star Wars, but the commercial reality is that most of the audience would even get the average French chamber comedy no matter how hard you sell the crap out of it. If everyone went to see those instead you'd only end up pissing off the people who like that kind of film with the oddments saying things like 'Oh it's subtitled. Don't like subtitles.' And 'It's a bit slow isn't it?' Look at 'Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon' - that was a nightmare during the times when someone wasn't flying or trying to kill each other with swords. For now there is room for both. And lining the Lucas products is by-product of that. Also, the digital camera technology designed for Clones will eventually become affordable enough for the low budget film maker just out of school who can concentrate on the process and not on wondering how they're going to pay off all the credit cards they've had to max out to pay for celluloid and development.

(5) No Harrison Ford

Two parts to this one (or episodes) Part One. In terms of screen presence Ewan McGreggor is a good substitute in this one, and Sam Jackson has all the cool. Part Two. While it's true that in the original films Han Solo brought a touch of cynicism to the concept of 'The Force' and all that mumbo jumbo, for these last two films to work, this was the last thing you needed. The suspend disbelief and buy into the drama you have to believe in this stuff utterly. You had to believe a man could fly in 'Superman' - you have to believe a little green guy can through spaceships around. If someone had run roughshod over this stuff the final fight sequence might have felt like 'magic tricks'.


(6) It's not the special edition

No, but I can't wait to see that. I like that Lucas keeps returning to the films and trying new things (apart from the CG Jabba and Greedo shooting first). The dance in the Ewok Village always felt like an anti-climax at the end of 'Jedi' and by introducing the sweep across the galaxy, it all means something more. It's healthy for film makers to go back to their work if they can and spruce things up if they're not happy. A film doesn't become public property when it goes out there. And I've seen very few critics carping on about 'Apocalypse Now Redux' being a travesty of the original - most have said it deepens the experience. I'm expecting the same in the future. George has already said he'll being going back to 'The Phantom Menance' and ripping out anything which didn't work. Judging by how little Jar Jar appears in 'Clones' I think I can see what'll be going first ... and besides, colons are good thing. My dissertation title would have been a complete mess without them.


(7) George Lucas is an opportunistic hack

In comparison to? (and I could interject here that most of your criticism is directed at old twenty-chins not the actual films - why not channel all this hatred at the person who distributes the films Rupert Murdock). Krzysztof Kieslowski expanded two of his short films from the 'Decalog' series into 'A Short Film about Killing' and 'A Short Film about Love'. He didn't just go out and make one film in a series when anywhere between three and ten would do. Douglas Adams span 'Hitchhiker's' off into multiple media which we all lapped up. Shakespeare killed off Falstaff then brought him back to life for 'The Merry Wives of Windsor' at the behest (and money) of the Lord Chamberlain (and he knew his series as well, how else do you account for the Historicals). Kids liked The Ewoks, hell I liked them at that age, especially Wicket. And The Droids was a good show. It could have been worse ... the first film could have been turned into a tv series ala Stargate with a different cast and cheap alien costumes. But he didn't he knew that this was a theatrical experience and their it stayed. Apart from 'The Holiday Special' ... but even he wanted to go out burn down his house when he saw that. It taught him a lesson - never leave your baby in the care of some chimps.

(8) Jar Jar Binks

Oooh ... you may have me there. But then if you had bothered to go and see the film (which we know you haven't if number 6 is anything to go by) you would know that if Lucas really wanted to openly defy the critics he would have had the demented fish on legs in every bloody scene. But apart from a touch and go moment in the first ten minutes he appears only once more - to make the worse decision anyone can make. You know he said he was kicked out of the Gungan village for being clumsy? Wait until you see what he does here ...

(9) The episodes are in the wrong order: Part II

Lucas has thought of that. If you'll notice IV, V and VI are set in the backwaters of the galaxy, and features the kind of technology you might have after a massive inter-galactic civil war (you know it's coming). Dim-witted four year olds aren't that sophisticated. They still like Pokemon. I'm glad it took so long to bring us these episodes. I would hate to see how this story would look with 1980s special effects. I love 'The Last Starfighter' to death but those graphics?

(10) George Lucas is Evil

If Lucas hadn't done it, someone else would have. Probably Spielberg. Or Irwin Allen come to that. Even Gene Rodenberry would have dragged Star Trek from mothballs eventually. Young seems to have forgotten that when Star Wars originally came out their wasn't actually any merchandising. That didn't come along until six months later and they were so unprepared that come Christmas day an awful lot of American kids sat looking a card which said that they're action figures would be along shortly in the post. And William Friedkin hasn't had a world turning film success since 'The Excorsist' which was aimed at adult. Everyone seems to have forgotten that Star Wars is at its core, y'know for kids. What would alternative have been, another three decades of those live action films like the Herbie series or 'The Black Hole'. No thanks. I'm glad that Lucasfilm brought the revolution. I can even forgive them for 'Willow'. Even the smallest of men deserve the work.