feeling listless

Life At ten past six this evening I was standing in a bar taking a group photograph of twenty Chinese business people.

For the first time in a while I'd gone to the FACT centre for a film double bill. After glancing through the choices for the six o'clock showings, I decided that instead of the dialogue free French animation and the gritty New York drama on offer I would attend a seminar about the interaction between Detective Fiction and Fine Art. Which is another story. Anyway the thing doesn't start until 6:30 so I decide to get a coffee in the Mezzanine bar.

FACT has a massive entrance hall and it's filled with the sound of Chinese music, although it's slightly westernized. Or rather they're using the instruments they have to play the theme from The Visit, that documentary series with Desmond Morris. As I approach the main stairwell I realize that it's heaving in the bar area. But I decide to go anyway. I was determined in fact (pardon the pun).

When I get up there, it's filled with Chinese people, all in suites and power dress, attending what I later find out is a party to mark the start of a Chinese Film Festival. There is a channel through to the bar, so I approach order a cappuccino and wait while the barperson spills the froth all over her trousers and the floor. The only couch available has a very low coffee table next to it, but I sit down anyway, to soak in the admittedly pleasant music and read my magazine and wait.

I've been there about ten minutes and it occurs to me that all the throng seem to be doing is taking pictures of each other. Just each other. Not of themselves within the fabulous architecture which surrounds them. Each to his own I think though. Until I get a tap on the shoulder.
"Can you take our photo?"
She's cute and I'm a dork, so I agree, thinking it'll be her and a friend. So I stand and readily take her camera asking the usual question: "Just press the button?"
Then I look up and realize that people are massing at the bar and they're all looking towards me and the camera. It's a group photo. The cute girl looks at me apologetically, "There is a very important visitor…" Because time is pressing, I illogically take this as a perfectly reasonable explaination.

I look through the digitalviewscreenfinderwhatever on the back and they aren't all fitting in. I look down. Two more cameras have appeared on the couch in front of me. The cute girl is still smiling at me.
So I start making hand gestures trying to get people to bunch together.
"I can't fit you all in." I say loudly.
The other problem is that whenever they're all ready someone appears from the side to shake hands with one of them, turns around, notices me, then decides to join the photo. Which means everyone has to re-arrange themselves.
Eventually, five minutes later. They're ready. I can't help myself.
"Say cheese!" I shout.
Twenty very important looking Chinese business people including the very important visitor say: "Cheese!"
Click. I think it was straight.
I pick up the next camera, hoping to rattle them off. But the digitalviewscreenfinderwhatever on the back of this one is off. I hold the camera up. "Erm… I can't see through the .. um. …"
"Just press the button." One of them shouts.
"I can't. The thingy…"
The owner of camera steps forward to show me … and the group start moving about and chatting. "It's in sleep mode." He says. I nod as though this is also perfectly normal. And now I'm back were I started, gesturing.
"Are you ready?" I shout.
They all turn around and look at me.
"Ok." I say.
Click.
I grab the next camera as quick as I can. It's a traditional camera with a proper view finder. I look through. I can only see two heads. Dilemma. Do I take it anyway and hope that someone emails one of the first two almost identical digital pictures to them? No. Like it matters, I step backwards far enough so that they all fit in again. By now there are thirty people and they're stacked on top of one another like the team photos which appeared in Panini Football Sticker Albums.
Click.
The group disburses and I hand back the cameras. I sit down, and finish my coffee. Then I look up and notice the group are starting to get back together again. Out of the corner of my eye I notice the cute girl looking over at me again.
I get up. I walk out of the bar ...