one hundred and one more things I would put into room 101...

It's nearly five years since the last list so it's about time for an update. Although frankly this time I could have gone to five hundred and one:

1. Tourists who get their picture taken next to a thing without bothering to look at the thing
2. Ring openers on food tins
3. Using the words geek and nerd in a derogatory way
4. Mobile phones in auditoriums
5. Misogyny
6. Boring dvd commentaries
7. Oily ham
8. Potichomania
9. Musak
10. People who congregate at the front of a bus near the door when the rest is empty
11. Websites that assume that everyone is using broadband
12. Alistair Campbell appearing and smirking anywhere on the BBC
13. Incomplete art due to mortality being completed by someone else
14. Bad ideas that seemed like good ideas at the time
15. Romantic comedies longer than an hour and half
16. What Women Want
17. Having a lack of invention
18. ITV1
19. Jeremy Kyle
20. Exploitation on television
21. So-called reality television
22. The death of Alan Coren
23. Staying in on a Friday night (again)
24. Right wingers (with one or two exceptions)
25. Left wingers (with one or two exceptions)
26. The lack of a clear choice in politics these days
27. Harry Enfield playing Dirk Gentley
28. David Jason playing Rincewind
29. Me not being very good at video games
30. Still biting my nails
31. Time flying when you’re having fun
32. £60 to get to London from Liverpool
33. Being less well read than I appear
34. Experimentation being used as a smokescreen
35. George Lucas' delusion that the prequels improved the Star Wars saga
36. Itchiness
37. Glitchy Freeview
38. Not giving credit when it’s due
39. Ballads ruining perfectly good pop albums
40. The Sugababes without Siobhan or Mutya
41. Musical prejudices
42. Country music
43. Baseball caps
44. Soccer in general
45. People who call it soccer when they don’t have to
46. Stinging nettles
47. The death of narrative cinema
48. The Underworld films
49. Unacknowledged emails
50. Farting at just the wrong moment
51. Sharon Osbourne
52. Pointless arguments
53. Tabloids
54. Sorkinless The West Wing
55. Mertonless Room 101
56. Racism
57. Jokes about Liverpool. Now.
58. People who clap between movements in classical music
59. People who couch theatrically between movements in classical music
60. Discovering classical music at the age of 32
61. Stagecoach
62. Weblogs going mainstream
63. Peter Andre and Jordan appearing on other chat shows to publicise their own chat show
64. Poorly planned art galleries
65. Whispering when you should be shouting
66. People not ‘getting’ me
67. Dvd caddies
68. Simon Cowell
69. My handwriting
70. The first series of Torchwood
71. Idiocy
72. Gaps
73. Woody Allen’s films not getting a proper release in the UK
74. Widespread flooding
75. People who piss on the seats in public toilets
76. Experts who clearly aren’t
77. Conversations that entail someone describing an episode of The Simpsons to you
78. Self service tills in supermarkets
79. Bad writers who’ve been told they’re good writers
80. People treat the cinema like their own living room
81. Piles
82. Misanthropy without satire
83. Jimmy Carr
84. Demolishing modernist architecture
85. Not having enough hours in the day
86. People who hate the French
87. Shouty television presenters
88. Self-righteousness
89. Caffeine making me sleepy
90. Global warming doubters
91. The HD-DVD / Blue-Ray war
92. Cello taping free gifts to the covers of magazines
93. Homophobes
94. Comic Sans
95. Tesco’s Healthy Eating range
96. Remembering the things I do
97. A Comedy of Errors by William Shakespeare
98. Pointless pink
99. Glenn Gould singing along as he played
100. Rudeness
101. Not being able to think of something post on the blog and having to take drastic action


  1. So right about What Women Want.

  2. It's amazing how much I agree with these! Except I'm quite good at arcade type video games and I am getting the hang of Jimmy Carr by ignoring the fact that he looks so awkward. But as for Dara O'Briain and that other one, you know, the tall one with the glasses...

  3. Marcus Brigstocke! Not funny in front of the camera - my reat bete noire these days is Piers Morgan, qv your mention of ITV1.